present? 21 January 2016 at 10:02AM in Weddings & anniversaries 25 replies 3.6K views

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Bit of background for you: I've been invited to my cousins wedding.... I don't really talk to my cousin, maybe seen him twice in 5 years - I've spoken a few times to his wife (Messaging / emails), and it appears we grate each other....


Anyway - They asked everyone for money as a present. Now, I understand that its their choice what they ask for and I know many do BUT I don't give money, I hate it. I think its impersonal and its that situation of how much to give without being tight etc - Even for birthdays I don't give cash.


I asked if/where they were going on honeymoon (Thinking a travellers guide book / hamper thing) but she wont tell me (And my cousin tells me to speak to the Mrs) - not sure if its a secret or if she's just being awkward.... our family don't appear to know much about the wedding (Even my aunt!) but her family seem very hands on, but I don't think I can approach and ask....


Anyway - what can I buy them as a gift ? I was thinking about nipping out after the wedding / before reception (we have an hour or so spare) and having a picture I've taken on the day printed and pop it into a frame but would that be a no no?

xxlouisexx56

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Bit of background for you: I've been invited to my cousins wedding.... I don't really talk to my cousin, maybe seen him twice in 5 years - I've spoken a few times to his wife (Messaging / emails), and it appears we grate each other....


Anyway - They asked everyone for money as a present. Now, I understand that its their choice what they ask for and I know many do BUT I don't give money, I hate it. I think its impersonal and its that situation of how much to give without being tight etc - Even for birthdays I don't give cash.


I asked if/where they were going on honeymoon (Thinking a travellers guide book / hamper thing) but she wont tell me (And my cousin tells me to speak to the Mrs) - not sure if its a secret or if she's just being awkward.... our family don't appear to know much about the wedding (Even my aunt!) but her family seem very hands on, but I don't think I can approach and ask....


Anyway - what can I buy them as a gift ? I was thinking about nipping out after the wedding / before reception (we have an hour or so spare) and having a picture I've taken on the day printed and pop it into a frame but would that be a no no?

With regards to the picture idea, I don't think it would be appreciated. They are likely to paying £100's for a photographer and would prefer those pictures in frames in their home.

I understand that a lot of people don't like to give money. I am getting married in a couple of months and although we haven't asked for presents (getting married abroad and having a reception at home) we have told our parents to tell anyone who asks about our honeymoon to Las Vegas.

We've lived together for 8 years, we have two daughters. I don't know what people could buy us. We don't need anything.

How do you feel about vouchers? Maybe for a local restaurant ?

We were once given vouchers to a local farm park to take our girls and it was a lovely trip knowing that a relative had thought about a day that we could all enjoy.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

See I did think that... I'm just trying to think of something that's nice but A, doesn't cost an arm and a leg (Not because I don't like the bride but because, after all, I'm on MSE!) but doesn't look like I didn't put any thought in to it.


The vouchers seem a good idea - Will look into it. They don't have kids yet (Have been together less than a year) so will look at a restaurant for them


Thanks!

gettingtheresometime

H
As a receiptant I hate vouchers more than cash.....is akin to saying I'm not giving you cash but I'm telling you where to spend the pseudo cash that I'm giving you.

Andypandyboy

I think that if you don't go along with what they have asked for it won't aid family relations. Why not get together with your own family and give a combined amount? It does save hassle as well.

Floss

I too think a combined gift from your family would be a good idea, it also means your dislike of giving money and therefore not respecting other peoples wishes can be put to one side.

They may have a very good reason for asking for money, but as you & your cousin don't appear to have any sort of relationship then you obviously aren't aware of it.

rdone

I hate giving money too. Even though we'll ask for it as our wedding gifts... just as others have said, we just don't need anything. The only thing we could come up with was a drill as we borrow my/his dads all the time. We alternate so they don't think we're going to keep it!!

We have put a poem in the invite saying we don't want anything but if want to money.

We expect people to buy us gifts as well though. As in, some people will want to give something but not money. Not I think they will give us anything. I don't expect anything.

My friends asked for money and I didn't want to give it, so I bought a lovely picture of the local area and bought a frame from the range. Think it cost about £15 in total and looked lovely.

I know I'm asking for something I don't want but we've already had relatives asking if we want money or a gift so thought it was easiest...!! I just want a perfect day getting married.

heartbreak_star

I fashioned a £10 note and a £5 note into a bow and attached them to a bottle of fizz for a friend's wedding. Cost about £20 in all, so not bank-breaking.

Went down a treat.

I've never really seen the problem with giving cash - what's the problem if there's nothing the couple needs? I've had cash for birthdays for years.

HBS x

PasturesNew

Picture's a no no.

It relies on you being able to take a good photo and for the timings to be spot on on the day, then you have to make your excuses/leave and faff about in a shop who might/might not be able to do the work in the time available.... plus you then need somewhere to wrap it and stick it ....and then you're going back in laden with a present at a time nobody else is giving presents, so it's difficult for them to receive it and have somewhere appropriate to keep it safe.

Just give money.

It's all about them...not you.

thriftylass

I think asking for money as a wedding gift is like asking them to pay the wedding. You get a 40 quid meal and give money back that they can use to pay for that. Cash for birthdays is different because I don't feel like I'm paying for the event.

We married after being together 10 years and didn't need anything. Oh yes I could've done with the money but thought it wrong so we asked people to give to a charity in our name if they feel like it.

I'd get them a posh bottle of champagne or a case of wine or sth they'll definitely use/consume without being an item they already have/don't need.

suejb2

Why are you going? Spoken twice in five years grate on the nerves of wife to be.Save your money , don't go, and be even more M.S.E.