Pending Seperation/Divorce

fedupdaddy

Hi
after 23 years of marriage,we have come to realise that we both are living in a loveless lifeless marriage.Son is in Uni and there is total silence at home or arguements on smallest things.
In short life is miserable.
Part of it my making and part of it her way of dealing with me and finding reasons of starting an arguement on any thing on a daily basis for past 2 years.
Seperation and or divorce seems to be fast approaching.
I want to provide for my son's uni education(fee and subsistence).So 4 more years of it.
My wife does work and can care for herself,but I am more than willing to provide for her.I earn about 7 times her salary.
We have a house-joint owership-and I have paid off more than half of the mortgage.
I would appreciate things I have to think about and look out for.I am not looking to punish my wife or trying to keep as much for myself.
I have another 10 years of career in front of me and think I can earn same amount as now for another 4-5 years without any problem.
Many Thanks

tomtontom

Is this a follow up to the sexless marriage thread? That seems to have disappeared ...

fedupdaddy

yes.
i think they deleted it for whatever reasons.

Tigsteroonie

I'm not sure what your question actually is? Are you asking whether we think you should separate, or how you go about it?

Your son is no longer a 'dependent' so you can set up whatever financial arrangement with him directly, you don't have to do this via your wife.

For information on separation and divorce, I recommend the Wikivorce website and forum. Normally I'd advocate that you can manage matters yourself but, given your different income levels (and presumably pension level) I think you would be better consulting a solicitor with regards to the financial division.

BrassicWoman

so you've thrown aside all the "get counselling" advice....

TBagpuss

I'd suggest that you see a solicitor to discuss the practicalities. THere is no reason why any financial settlement should not include provision for your son.

Given the discrepancy between your and your wife's income and earning capacity it is likely to be reasonable for her to receive more than 50% of the available capital and/or ongoing maintenance, and of course a share of any pensions, unless her pension provision is as good as yours already.

FBaby

My wife does work and can care for herself,but I am more than willing to provide for her

For how long though? Because you might feel like this now, probably as a result of an element of guilt, but that won't last. So are you talking about a divorce settlement by which you agree to more than 50% of the assets, or are you actually talking about spousal maintenance? If the latter, think twice about it, you might not be so open to this in 10 years time when you have absolutely nothing to do with each other any longer and you can think of many better use of your money.