Overbearing worl colleague

melysion

One of my coworkers is causing me immense about of stress and I don't know what I would do about it, if anything.

She is slightly junior to me and hasn't been there long, but she is one of those classic know-it-alls who has to butt into every conversation, tries to take over other people's projects and actually spies on me to see exactly what I'm doing and when.

She also thinks most people are stupid compares to her and that she is the only person who does things properly.

She IS good, I'll give her that. But she isn't a better worker than me - we have different strengths for sure but my work performance is not inferior to hers (my boss is happy with my work).

She talks down to me and tries to muscle into my projects all the time and I'm beginning to feel like Im entering a battlefield every day, rather than work.

I happen to like her as a person - just wish she treated me as an equal and it's doing a number on my self esteem. I hafe spoken to her about taking over my projects and she has backed off - but only a little. And she has no reason to look at my workload and read though things that I'm currently working on.

Any thoughts in how to handle this much appreciated. Should I speak to my (new) boss for example? I just want it to end so that I can enjoy my work again.

melysion

Apologies for the typos - am writing this on my phone.

tomtontom

Has anything changed since you last asked?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5344958

melysion

Yes. As I have already said I have talked to her but it's had little effect and I don't think we can blame it on her being the newbie anymore.

I don't know why people see the need to hunt though people's old posts when answering something.

It doesn't matter. I'll find a solution for myself. I was just asking for advice.

melysion

Replies not necessary now thanks. The poster above has made me feel very unwelcome and I won't be back.

DCFC79

melysion wrote: »

Replies not necessary now thanks. The poster above has made me feel very unwelcome and I won't be back.

Which poster ?

paddyrg

On the off-chance that you're reading, op, and that a sleep means you can see nobody was actually attacking you on this thread, then perhaps assertiveness training might be helpful for you. 'No' is tricky if you've been raised with it being a bad word, but some boundaries need setting, and some assertiveness training will give you some simple tools to do so.

It may also be worth checking in with yourself, are you reading more into her actions than she is? I only ask as sometimes we can have a strong feeling of being threatened when the other party doesn't have any idea that their behaviours lead to you feeling that way, earlier in this thread for instance. Meditation may help, even. If you want to try it (let's face it, you're stressed by the situation, so either carry on as it is or try some new things to see if it can improve), I've found Tibetan Buddhism teachings to be generally helpful. They're about knowing oneself, not religious nonsense. You can find plenty on YouTube.

Human interaction is an absolute minefields, and not many of us are naturally perfect at it. Many of us muddle through with mismatched assumptions, triggers we don't even realise, etc. If this girl isn't changing, and isn't leaving, then something else has to shift to restore balance, and that is an opportunity to improve how you work with the situation. I hope you find a way through, at the moment it sounds like you're the only one suffering from this situation, so anything you can do to ease your suffering can only be beneficial for you

p00hsticks

melysion wrote: »

I don't know why people see the need to hunt though people's old posts when answering something.

Because sometimes people read a new thread and remember that there was a thread on a similar topic recently which might contain some pertinent info for the OP, and look back to find it - they may not even necessarily realise it's the same person posting to start with....

daytona0

melysion wrote: »

Replies not necessary now thanks. The poster above has made me feel very unwelcome and I won't be back.

I wouldn't worry about what they said. It is actually helpful because it shows that you haven't been able to do much about the situation since the last post...

bugslet

melysion wrote: »

I don't know why people see the need to hunt though people's old posts when answering something.

It doesn't matter. I'll find a solution for myself. I was just asking for advice.

I read tomtontom's question as seeking clarification. It certainly wasn't rude or unwelcoming.

Sometimes, and I mean this in the most constructive manner possible, we see things in people's words and actions that aren't there. I haven't read the previous post, but maybe since you misinterpreted tomtontom's question, are you misinterpreting any or all of your colleague's actions? I'm not saying you are, just a point to consider.

ThemeOne

Personally I wouldn't bother going to your line manager - they are usually useless with this sort of thing and have no more idea what to do than you. Definitely don't go to HR, as they will see you as the problem rather than her.

Being more assertive, as suggested, could work. I had a very overbearing colleague on a previous project who I just about kept at bay simply by not being particularly nice to her - no stand-up rows or slanging matches but, on the other hand, no chit-chat and a firm No when I felt she was crossing a boundary.

Another approach might be humour - do you think you could make a joke of it with her? Probably wouldn't work for me, but it can for some.