Hate myself for being so foolish

lynnejr200

Hi Squirrel,

Know how you feel. I'm in the same guilt ridden place as you at the moment. I've got debts that feel unmanageable and feel too ashamed to approach a family member who could help me out. Not a nice place to be.

Anyway, I've only just started to deal with my debts but I would say that it is best to deal with the highest interest rates before the smaller balances. It seems daunting because you don't feel as if you're getting anywhere but it does save you money in the long term.

Good luck with it all.

Squirrel29

Thanks for your lovely message, being up so late says it all really, can't sleep for worrying about it all. I am sure we will get through this together, I can't believe how friendly everyone is by taking the time to look through my SOA. I am not afraid of hard work, I have had 3 extra jobs in the past... I am determined to be debt free within 5 years. Best of luck to you, at least we have had out LBM and are taking steps to tackle it. xxx

Squirrel29

I have a final salary local gov pension that I have paid into for 5 years. I intend to stay in my job for a long time so was wondering if I should postpone my approx £100 payments each month (for couple years) and put towards my snowball. I also pay £11 per month to a union - should I cancel this. I am in a job where s**t could hit fan and also lot of changes coming up - what is your take on union membershp v reducing debts? Many thanks xx

tealady

If you are in local gov then the final salary schemes are usually good but you may pay a lot in your wage anyway. I would suggest that you contact the pension administrator to ask if you stopped paying (for say 2 years) what difference would it make and are there any penalties.

raq

I would loan the money off your dad. We have 8,500 work of debt but paying much more every week only due to the fact my husband is now in a better paid job.

My dad has got the money no worries but I would never ask him, it would have to be sosssooooo bad to ask him .

Squirrel29

I hardly slept a wink last night, I am swinging between feeling postive that I can do this and the next minute I decend into tears and feeling hopeless. I feel I am letting my son down as well, we both had a rough time 5 years ago following his dad leaving and I guess to some degree I try to make up to him.

I give him £20 per month pocket money and his grandparents also give him £40 for doing jobs for them. He is 15. I had also promised him a trip to New York next summer following his GCSE's. I have already paid £250 deposit (all this before my LBM!!). I am due to get approx £1700 in Oct from a savings plan that matures which was going to pay for it (I have approx £1000 left to pay) that that all seems ridiculous when I have £15k debt, I would feel like such a bad mum if I cancelled the trip, we haven't had a holiday in 2 years. God, this sounds so pathetic ... surely it is better to keep a roof over our heads.

I am sorry if I am waffling, panic has well and truly set in, I just feel like ending it all at the moment.

(Land_of)_Maz

Oh squirrel... poor you. Please try not to have thoughts like that about "ending it all" I know things seem bad at the moment but you would leave your son in a right old mess if you did something foolish.

No more such thoughts, stay positive and you can beat this debt. Plenty of success stories on here and i know yours will be one of them one day!

It seems unsurmountable but others have beaten greater debt or are well on the way. Stay in the community here and keep updating. Highs and lows are to be expected. We all have them...

take care,

Maz

redsquirrel80

Hi Squirrel from another squirrel! Firstly just wanted to send you a hug x

OK, from your SOA you have enough to cover your minimum monthly payments so you're not at any risk of losing the roof over your heads. There's a few areas you can cut back as others have pointed out.. if I've read it right you've put that you spend £160 on food, but you think that some of your 'spare' £250 is going towards food as well? Definitely room to cut back there.

Personally, I would still go for the holiday. You're not using any of your 'normal' money for it if you use the savings and I think it's important to do things like that if you can to have something to look forward to. I'd suggest putting a bit aside every month till then for your spending money so it's not a huge shock to the system when it actually comes. Maybe suggest your son keeps a bit of his monthly money aside for it too, a good lesson in saving? Or keep some of the savings plan money untouched somewhere for it so the holiday isn't affecting your normal monthly budget at all?

You can beat this - it's a slow process and very hard work at times, but you've made the important first step. I know where you're coming from re feeling stupid - if I hadn't got into debt I'd have twice as much 'spare' money per month as I do now! But try not to beat yourself up over what you've done in the past, it's gone now, and all you can do is learn from it.

Good luck x

fistfullofdollars

Please dont hate yourself! Thats not a very nice thing to do. Please dont think about ending anything other than debt either. If you are concerned about letting your son down this would be the biggest way you could.

I understand how you feel about having your LBM. I had mine in May and it wasnt the nicest experience. You'll find its a rocky road of highs and lows. You'll feel high when you sort stuff and I always feel low when nothing really happens. You'll probably get to the stage over the next couple of weeks where you find you cant wait for statments to arrive to see the new balance. Its strange esp if you are like me and dont check your bank balance or open statements to go to the near OCD level of checking balances twice a day online.

Honestly, you've 'hit' rock bottom now. All the positive changes you make will improve your finances for the better. It will only be a couple of months until you start to see real changes.

Ring ALL of your credit card companies to see if you can BT anything on a good rate to them.

xela_17

Re: the barclaycard BT - I've never heard of a cc refusing a BT when you already have the card. When tesco sent me a leaflet offering a low % BT I just rang them up, said how much I wanted to transfer and from which card and it was done. Maybe you got someone who didn't know what they were doing - worth phoning again and talking to someone different.

Re: snowballing highest interest versus lowest balance - it's more sensible to pay off highest interest first but some people on here like the psychological impact of paying off a low balance first and then it's gone. It's up to you which way will work best for you.

Re: trip to NY - I think you should still go as you have paid deposit and son is looking forard to it but there's nothing to say you have to spend a fortune. See chocoholic's debt diary for her trip to eurodisney. She made her own snacks so nothing spent on expensive meals out and kids had their own money to spend and when that was gone it was gone. You CAN have an MSE trip and still have fun.

Re: son's pocket money - £60 a month is a lot for a 15 year old. I think I got £20 when I was that age. if you don't want to decrease it worth considering telling him he won't have any money from you for hol next year so he should save some of his pocket money (think already suggested above).

Lastly, don't hate yourself. Your situation is manageable and banckruptcy is certainly not necessary at the moment.