Retiring early: Persuading the Spouse

atush

jennyjj wrote: »

Thanks,

A few nails on heads there.

I believe that money is the least issue.

Fear of squabbling, just because we would be together more is certainly a BIG concern, and I can see it as a reasonable one, knowing our own personalities. We both need 'me time' and we both are very set in our ways.
I'm the one rocking the boat, so I feel it's down to me to make the transition as smooth as possible. But 'Transition', we will

State pension requests done and received.
Actuarial reduction has been factored in.
Spreadsheet of income and expenditure done.

I'm going to work on making this happen with due consideration of all these concerns. Last thing either of us want is to keep throwing out 'I told you so' in every future tiff, whichever way it goes (me while being carted off after heart attack at work, or me being murdered with the freezer knife at home

I cant help thinking (and sorry to those who have not reproduced!!):

But if you had children, or esp more like me, twins, you would have already passed these huge milestones in disruption of your domestic bliss lol.

If we hadnt had any children (me being the female that was my initial wish) we would be far more wealthy and already retired.

But just maybe we would have divorced and been lonely and still working. As our children are both a glue for us, and a de-stress ( i can watch Downtown while they (all boys) watch the footie with dad). it gives us time to do our own thing. like you are facing in future?

It is all a fluid situation, but I can say you need to have a look at exactly what he does with his days off, and what you would. And see how to mesh both of these objectives successfully?

atush

zagfles wrote: »

Or even 2 will do if there's just 2 of them.

Seriously - I don't see what the problem is. If one spouse is used to being home alone and will have their routine disrupted by the other also being at home, they need to grow up, frankly. Or separate. Or use separate rooms. It's really quite simple.

The household is home for both of them. One doesn't have the right to dictate what TV channel to watch or what to set the heating at, just because it's what "they're used to".

Get a second TV, get an extra heater in one of the rooms. It's not rocket science!

Hah, what little you know.

I pre planned this.

Got sky in second room (the Mens room with BT sport, sky sport, ESPN for their US sports).

Doesnt stop any of them (ie the men) coming into my room to ask what i am watching then criticizing it?

And yes I heat the house when I am at home (how odd?) but they have individual thermostats on their radiators in all of their rooms. Doesnt stop them regulating mine though when they want (ie easier to turn off the entire system then turn down their own radiators).

Be real?

zagfles

atush wrote: »

Hah, what little you know.

I pre planned this.

Got sky in second room (the Mens room with BT sport, sky sport, ESPN for their US sports).

Doesnt stop any of them (ie the men) coming into my room to ask what i am watching then criticizing it?

And yes I heat the house when I am at home (how odd?) but they have individual thermostats on their radiators in all of their rooms. Doesnt stop them regulating mine though when they want (ie easier to turn off the entire system then turn down their own radiators).

Be real?

Sounds like you're more in need of marriage guidance than the OP Seriously - you have separate rooms, TVs and heating and can't even get along? Delaying retirement isn't the solution, it's just delaying problems that need dealing with.

[Deleted User]

Do it NOW! While you have your health and existing wealth. Enjoy life. You will make it work between you. Life is too short. You don't know what's around the corner.

TadleyBaggie

Deleted_User wrote: »

Do it NOW! While you have your health and existing wealth. Enjoy life. You will make it work between you. Life is too short. You don't know what's around the corner.

^^^This^^^
I've just retired at 62 and my wife is delighted. A guy I worked with (slightly younger than me) recently had a heart attack and then 2 days later a stroke.

atush

zagfles wrote: »

Sounds like you're more in need of marriage guidance than the OP Seriously - you have separate rooms, TVs and heating and can't even get along? Delaying retirement isn't the solution, it's just delaying problems that need dealing with.

I get along perfectly well. but unlike you know the pitfalls. So think about the future,

I set up things for a 4 male to 1 female ratio. when it is 1:1 i will not have as much trouble. I know this so dont complain about it, I just know this might be a pitfall in future. So i will adjust any plan. Flexibility in any plan is how you make sure everyone is happy.

If you dont plan for the future, you plan to fail.

jennyjj

zagfles wrote: »

Sounds like you're more in need of marriage guidance than the OP Seriously - you have separate rooms, TVs and heating and can't even get along? Delaying retirement isn't the solution, it's just delaying problems that need dealing with.

Thumbs up to Atush :T:T Mildest of disagreement with Zag and those who try to dismiss those of us who compromise in life.
We all have our ways of making a way through life. Maybe marriage guidance, maybe divorce/separation, maybe compromise, maybe submission. There's always a way and it takes all sorts. I sure as hell won't judge others.

Sincerest thanks to all who contributed advice, observations and opinions. You won't believe how useful it is to see the topic unfold on screen. Much better than me (or others) just stewing over it.

lynnejk

jennyjj wrote: »

Aren't stereotypes deeply ingrained?
The advice should surely not depend on whether I'm female with male partner, female with female partner, male with female user profile. Makes me smile seeing such assumptions. One for another day, I think.

Well - what an interesting dilemma I've watched unfold.


I assumed the OP was female with a male partner, maybe because I'm female with a male partner and we've had the same discussions/decisions to make. I am a few years older than my DH as well.


I was working P/T, mainly to build up a pension to a certain level, and continued to do so whilst DH is working F/T. I have now stopped working as an employee, and just make some money on a self-employed p/t basis from home. That said, I took on responsibility for all the household tasks and financial planning.


This has all been planned and DH should be able to retire in two years. We have estimated all the financial repercussions and, as long as things stay reasonably the same, we should be okay.


The only thing now concerning us is that we both stay healthy for the next two years and can't wait for DH to retire. We do both have our own interests but also share some, and we don't see more time together as a problem but are really looking forward to it.


I would say that if either partner are worried about having more time together then it is the relationship in question - not the money !
Lx

chiefie

I hope to go in about 3 years. Plan to have six months off and then will look foR something to do as I know I will get bored and me and my dh have separate interests as well as like ones.
Make your own path in life, no one has the right to say what is right, wrong, normal or not for anyone else but themselves. You may also feel different after 6 months yourself. I for sure will miss the social side and the brain being stretched but I won't miss the politics of people who find themselves in a position of power and strive to retain it. I really can't be bothered to engage with that anymore.
Good luck, and speak with your other half - it will be fine.

zagfles

jennyjj wrote: »

Thumbs up to Atush :T:T Mildest of disagreement with Zag and those who try to dismiss those of us who compromise in life.

I'm not dismissing compromise, I'm suggesting it! There seemed to be an attitude of "it's my house my space, my routine, how dare anyone disrupt it even if it's my spouse who co-owns the house"!!