Lonely but always with people

Always_Alone

As the title (and username!!) suggests.....does anyone always feel alone as if no one understands them, has no one to confide or talk to? Stuck between a rock and hard place and see no way out?

I've been with my OH since for 15 years since I was 19, going against family and giving up everything for him, in hindsight possibly due to teenage stubbornness! We have a 4 year old and 1 year old and I always feel so alone. My OH works hard and plays hard, he's great with the kids more than pulling he weight but also goes out a lot.

I have some health issues being investigated at the mo and am exhausted all the time. I'm not the mum or partner I'd like to be and although on the surface OH seems supportive, it never goes beyond that as if he's sick of it.

My friend circle seems to have dropped off since having kids and the new friends I have made I wouldn't say are close friends, more people I get together with, have a chat with while the kids play and it doesn't go beyond that.

Ive felt like this for such a long time but it's only today I've really thought about it. I can't split up with OH, we're not unhappy but not the team we should be. It would cause untold family issues and my OH couldn't be away from the kids but looking forward I don't know if I can just carry on as we are.
I have a huge amount of family baggage so cannot confide, turn to or talk to my mum, my dad passed away and I don't really see eye to eye with my brother.

I love my kids but being a mum is so much harder that I thought (I know, very naively!!), and I struggle so much with the tiredness of it all.

Not really sure what I'm asking and am at risk of just waffling now, maybe getting some of it out will help? Thanks for reading anyway if you've got this far.

DUTR

It's just the stress of xmas, there is no text book to how a partner should be, so rule out 'blaming' your partner, we all arrived here alone and are seperate people.

meritaten

Always_Alone wrote: »

As the title (and username!!) suggests.....does anyone always feel alone as if no one understands them, has no one to confide or talk to? Stuck between a rock and hard place and see no way out?

I've been with my OH since for 15 years since I was 19, going against family and giving up everything for him, in hindsight possibly due to teenage stubbornness! We have a 4 year old and 1 year old and I always feel so alone. My OH works hard and plays hard, he's great with the kids more than pulling he weight but also goes out a lot.

I have some health issues being investigated at the mo and am exhausted all the time. I'm not the mum or partner I'd like to be and although on the surface OH seems supportive, it never goes beyond that as if he's sick of it.

My friend circle seems to have dropped off since having kids and the new friends I have made I wouldn't say are close friends, more people I get together with, have a chat with while the kids play and it doesn't go beyond that.

Ive felt like this for such a long time but it's only today I've really thought about it. I can't split up with OH, we're not unhappy but not the team we should be. It would cause untold family issues and my OH couldn't be away from the kids but looking forward I don't know if I can just carry on as we are.
I have a huge amount of family baggage so cannot confide, turn to or talk to my mum, my dad passed away and I don't really see eye to eye with my brother.

I love my kids but being a mum is so much harder that I thought (I know, very naively!!), and I struggle so much with the tiredness of it all.

Not really sure what I'm asking and am at risk of just waffling now, maybe getting some of it out will help? Thanks for reading anyway if you've got this far.

this tells me its not just a passing 'phase' - that you have seriously considered getting out.

Right now you are unwell, and that is never a good time to make decisions.
However, you also say you have been unhappy for a long time. So SOMETHING in your marriage is not right.
If I was your mum or best friend I would say to concentrate on your health right now. if you need help and support ask for it! ask your HV as you have a one year old. or your GP or there may also be support groups you can join for whatever is ailing you.
I hope your health improves soon. you may see things differently then or if you still feel the same - it may be time to make decisions. but do them for YOURSELF - not others. 'others' don't live in your shoes.

theoretica

Health problems can completely sap your resilience, mental as well as physical, and many conditions cause some degree of depression. I hope you get it sorted, and life looks up for you in many ways.

VfM4meplse

theoretica wrote: »

Health problems can completely sap your resilience, mental as well as physical, and many conditions cause some degree of depression. I hope you get it sorted, and life looks up for you in many ways.

Agreed.

It wouldn't hurt to let your OH know how you feel. Men often wonder why their partners think they can read their minds!

pendragon_arther

There are ways in which you can boost your self esteem and thus your happiness. You perhaps feel caught up in a rut and can't see a way out and it seems the four walls are closing in. I suggest reading some self help books from the library and get a hypnosis tape you can play before going to sleep. It will relax and calm you and plant positive suggestions into your unconscious mind. I've been where you are and although it seems there's no way out there really is but it does take some effort. Young kids can be quite draining if you're not 100%. If possible get a friend to look after them for a couple of hours and go swimming. Exercise produces good endorphines which help with well-being. Good luck.