Toughest Christmas ever - Please read and give some advice

kms26

Hi everyone,

This year is going to be one of my toughest Christmases ever. My dad was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease just under 2 years ago and the last few weeks he has taken a turn for the worse and has just weeks to live, we are not sure he is even going to make it until Christmas!!

We don't have a very close relationship due to his wife but this past few weeks she has been very good and has kept me informed. I can't go to see him at the moment as I have a terrible cold and don't want to risk passing it on to him, but as soon as it has passed I will.

My step mum is his constant carer and gave up her job as a Macmillan nurse to look after him.

So my question is what do I get them for Christmas?? I usually get my step mum some smellies and have got some I can give her this year, but its more my dad I don't know what to get? What do you buy your dying father??

Any advice is much appreciated

DigForVictory

All the very best this Christmas.
Where's dad being cared for? Are flowers allowed? As a simple poinsettia is brightly coloured, easy to maintain & gives a bit of cheer.

If a pot plant is off, are flowers allowed & if so, how's his sense of smell? The jersey & scilly growers have freesias in full niff, some have roses too - if he'd like another scent to focus on every now & again, those can be sorted.

Stick to what your stepmum expects & enjoys - all the better if you've already got that sorted.

Now, for your cold, the scents you needs are honey, lemon, ginger, & a good brandy. Some swear by eucalyptus, Vicks etc - whatever works for you, but a good brandy is held in esteem for all sorts of ailments. (You might ask your dad if he'd care for a nip, or could advise!? From a different flask to your own, naturally - you don't want to share your cold!)
Keep in as close a touch as you & stepmum can stand without sharing that cold. Know we'll be thinking of you all.

kms26

Thank you, he is at home so pretty much anything goes, i'm sure he would love a nip lol!! He stopped all alcohol when he was diagnosed, not that he was a big drinker before.

I'm dosing myself with everything at the mo so hopefully I will be able to go next week.

I think some flowers will be a great idea!

qwiksave

Also maybe some photos in frames or an album? Pictures of family and places that he has fond memories of.

Sorry to hear that you are going through this, I have been there with both my parents and know what its like.

springdreams

I am so sorry for your heartbreaking news.

Given that your dad no longer needs to worry about his health, I'd buy him a bottle of his favourite spirits, provided of course it will not react adversely with any medication that he may be taking. Check with your stepmom that she would be okay with you doing this though as you would not want to cause any unnecessary hard feelings at this time.

In my mom's final days she was allowed to smoke in the closed off visitor's room and to have a few vodka's and coke with us. That was what she wanted the most.

7roland8

I'd put together a photo album of lots of old images. It will be good for you both to look through together and will bring back happy memories for your dad that you can chat about.

suejb2

I agree with a drop of his favourite tipple, also music maybe an idea. It's a difficult time for all involved, my best wishes for you at this time.

Poppy9

I would buy a digital photo frame and upload loads of pictures for both him and his wife to enjoy.

I would also make more effort with your step mum in appreciation of the love and care she is showing your father. You don't have to love or even like her but I would still show how much you appreciate all she is doing for your father and buy a nicer gift than normal.

It's a tough time but make an effort to be happy and cheerful for everyone's sake. You will be surprised that you can still be happy even when your are heartbroken that you are losing someone.

PasturesNew

Mini bottles of his favourite snifter. When you're in palliative care you're supposed to enjoy whatever you like.

Even if he can't taste it, or taste it the same, he'll be able to see it and know you thought about him.... and the miniatures mean there's no big bottle to store/manage/pour.

At the Hospice my dad was at they used to provide mini bottles of wine with the main meal (if required) ... of course, one mini bottle of wine took dad 3-4 days to get through it.

suki1964

TBh the only thing I would be looking at getting them is TIME - Yours

Be there

make this Christmas full of good memories, for you - and step mum

Pictures, videos etc can all be done But live for the moment for now


Thinking of you all xxx