Mother of the Bride outfit

lika_86

http://www.debretts.com/weddings/bridal-and-dress-codes/dress-codes/parents

browneyedbazzi

lika_86 wrote: »

Why don't you plan a day when you, your mum and your MIL all go and look for wedding outfits for them so that they won't clash (and then steer her away from red)?

My mom lives in Canada and won't be arriving in the UK until the week before the wedding so a joint shopping trip isn't really possible. My best friend also lives in Canada and has offered to go shopping with her (we grew up together so my friend is like a sister really and gets on quite well with my mom). She's also going to send me pictures of dresses before buying anything else.

My future MIL and I get on well and we'll be shopping for my dress together. She's got really nice taste so I am not at all worried about what she'll pick out, but I also know she'll run it by us first (we were all involved in helping her choose her outfit for her daughter's wedding).

As far as spoiling for a fight with my mom - I don't want to fight with her but equally I don't want my wedding to be all about her and to be walking on eggshells to protect her precious feelings like I've had to do my whole life. She's a self centred drug addict who stood by and did nothing while I was subjected to years of abuse so I don't think it's too much to ask to have one day that is mine and that I can enjoy. In all honesty I'd be happier if she wasn't there at all, but that would cause a fight and issues in the family so I've kept that to myself.

Andypandyboy

I think you have bigger issues than a dress, red or otherwise.

All eyes will be on you, no one will care what colour your mother is wearing. I don't think red is inappropriate. I attended several weddings last year and casting my mind back there were ladies in red dresses at all of them. I think you have a problem with your mother (perhaps understandably given your comments) and that is clouding your judgement about the dress.

Breathe and let it go..........................

cashewnut

Hugs to you Bazzi - I hope getting married will be a new and happy chapter of your life and you can escape some of the demons the relationship with your mum has caused.

I agree with Andy, this isn't really about a dress at all - you might get more support in the marriages, relationships and families forum?

I honestly would be perfectly happy if my mum or anyone else coming to my wedding chose to wear red. The only colour dress I don't want to see anyone else in is white!

lisa110rry

Something your Mum buys in winter in Canada is not going to be suitable in Spring in the UK. Your dad seems to have his head screwed on the right way round.

Incidentally, our niece requested we wear pink in some way for her wedding many years ago. I wore a Jaques Vert navy suit with fuchsia trim and my husband wore a pink tie. Her pink request was to all the guests. It was a lovely wedding.

pickledonionspaceraider

As people are saying OP, obviously this is about more than just the colour of the dress. In fact I don't think it is about the dress at all really

If you feel so bitterly miserable about your mum coming, I think you should uninvite her - yes uninvite her.

In fact I think it critical that you do this for your own future well being and assuming the role of victim who just 'gets what they are given'

OK you have been a victim in the past, but this does not mean you have to forever more be and keep deliberately choosing this role for yourself. You heard the saying 'Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me' as we all need to learn from experiences to stop them repeating

Why the hell would you want to invite someone to the most important day of your life, when you feel they have ruined your life so far. You will just be dragging baggage from the past into the future - No no no, leave it in the past INCLUDING her - and allow yourself to be happy with your new husband

Move on from this unhealthy passive aggressive behaviour - huffing and puffing about dress colours etc and tell her straight - you do not want her there. To hell with the consequences, you can send a round robin message to family to let them know out of courtesy and if any of them want to drop out, then let them & don't get drawn into any pettiness with any of them, just keep repeating 'none of your business' to any enquiries

SET YOURSELF FREE and make the day about yourself and your husband = your future

If you decide to continue as you are, then you have chosen for her to be there, you have invited her, and you have been the one to go along with things, made yourself the victim and more importantly made yourself unhappy in favour of your mothers happiness = but if you choose this, then you really have no right to moan about your own choices

I hope this does not sound too harsh - but really you need to move on and get to know yourself without the shadow of family and mother guilt hanging over you

Don't let your past ruin your future, you dont want to look at the wedding pictures with regret because she is in them

7roland8

Yes definitely more than about the colour. How would you feel if she wore a pastel dress - but it was short and/or revealing?


Loads of people wear bright colours to weddings - and the mum of the bride is supposed to put on a show as well.


In fact after the wedding is over for a few months the photos will hardly be looked at.

patanne

What colour would you rather she wore. This sounds like a woman who likes to wear primary colours & not the pastels you seem to consider appropriate (and frankly I would have a problem with). So which, black, no I guess not, white, a real no no I would have thought. I think your only option is going to be to uninvite her and even then I doubt if you will be happy about her. I suspect that after the wedding you will be back complaining about the present she bought. You don't like her - draw a line under it.

I have been married twice and I can't remember giving a damn about what other people were wearing. Perhaps you should try being a little less controlling? If I was invited to your wedding and you told me not to wear red (my personal favorite) then I would be wearing black (my second favorite). Actually if you dislike her as much as you say and you believe everyone else will think red is inappropriate, then let her wear it and you can then enjoy everyone condemning her for what she is wearing. That would seem like a win win.

Actually I would like to thank you for the amusement. My mother died earlier this year at 90 and the thought of anyone (even my father) telling her what she should and shouldn't wear just made me burst out laughing.

74jax

I think red would look fine in photos, I can't think of a colour that wouldn't really.