Aspergers Syndrome.

Robisere

I know that there are parents and grandparents on this forum, who have family members with Autism, specifically Aspergers. I am the granddad of a 21 year old with Aspergers and I have really been the male figure in his life, after his dad left years ago. I am 70 now and it has been a struggle to retain a connection with my lovely, affectionate grandson, not because of any behavioural issues, we as a family got through those long ago. No, it's the fact that he is officially a genius according to MENSA. He has a very good position with a local computer networking company as a network engineer, whose boss has an Autistic daughter and understands him. In fact, he has created 3 systems there which only he understands, and the boss tells me that J has become indispensable to the company.

The problem now is that his conversation is so far beyond me that I have given up trying to understand, I just let him talk, as I have discovered that this is his way of understanding and learning. His affection for myself and the whole family (grandma, uncle, younger sister, male & female cousin) has never changed, he was a lovely, warm, loving boy and there has been no change from that now he is a man. I believed that I knew him very well, until I took a book from our local library that blew me away. "The Spark" by Kristine Barnett - 'A mother's story of love, nurture and Autism'. I could not put this book down, I saw so many parallels with J's development and behaviour over the years. I also saw deeply into my own relationship with him and realised that there were times when I had lost patience because I was seeing him as someone without Aspergers Syndrome, and not making allowances for that. I finished that book this morning and this afternoon I went to see him. I sat down with him and I apolgised for all the times that I might have thoughtlessly ignored his words, or lost patience with him. To his credit, this thoughtfull young man simply hugged me and said that it didn't matter, but I made him a promise there and then. If I ever do it again, J, just say this: granddad, you made me a promise. He laughed, but I insisted.

I cannot recommend this book too highly, to those of you with Autistic children. To those of you with very young Autistic sufferers, especially the Aspergers children, I can only say this: as a family, we endured all the behavioural problems. Bullied in Primary for being 'different', tantrums when he wanted something, refusal to speak or look you in the eye, inability to play like other kids, absolute 'tunnel vision' when doing something, it goes on. I built J his first computer, so I guess you could either say that I created a monster, or I laid the grounds. Find one thing that the child does to the exclusion of everything else and try to encourage it by finding a way to associate it with the other educational stuff that the child ignores. That's what I did. The result? A responsible, happy young man with a great future in a good job, who rents his own home with a lifelong friend and makes most decisions for himself, but needs a little help understanding the world, from time to time.

But please, read this book. It has helped me to get inside J's head and see the world through his eyes. Have a box of tissues by your elbow: I am an ex-seaman and ex-soldier and I filled up more times than I care to admit. I have bought it in Hardback for my lovely daughter, who fought tooth and nail for J all through his life, the situation caused her to rethink her previous job and she is now a "one to one" teacher of special needs children.

whitewing

I am in an impulsive mood so I have just bought it as a xmas present to myself. Thank you, OP.

Towser

who fought tooth and nail for J all through his life, the situation caused her to rethink her previous job and she is now a "one to one" teacher of special needs children.

Ahh me too for mine.

I'd love to also be a special needs teacher. They are so lovely are't they.

Robisere

Towser wrote: »

Ahh me too for mine.

I'd love to also be a special needs teacher. They are so lovely are't they.

Then go for it, Towser! There are simply not enough Special Needs teachers in the system. Dd's head teacher tels me that, just in their Primary school, there are 24 children with different shades of Autistic problems. It's tough, very hard work, though the rewards are more than money. Once when shopping locally with my dd, a child ran up to her in the street, calling her name. The parents were almost embarrassing in their praise, I felt so proud of my daughter.

I think that it is actually Evolution, my theory is that thes children's brains are developing aptitudes that will become more and more obvious within a couple more generations. They are becoming different. Not worse, not perhaps better, just different.

whitewing

http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/volunteers

He may enjoy getting involved with this.

heuchera

What a lovely post, OP. I don't really understand the difference between Autism and Aspergers, but I have read up quite a bit about Autism. It affects some people quite badly, yet sometimes they can function brilliantly in other ways.

Look up this man on You Tube, he's extraordinary

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derek_Paravicini

Socially, he can't function well at all but he is a brilliant musician and has perfect pitch.

sheramber

One of my cousin's children has Aspergers

.He is a brilliant musician and has been since before he was 5 years old.

But he finds it very difficult to relate to people.