What to do - flat mate issue

Racky_Roo

Hi all.

Just looking for some advice on my situation;
I moved into a flat with my mate a few months ago after he moved out of his previous flat because his flat mate moved his gf in and my mate didn't want to live with a couple. I was commuting a long way to and from work so it seemed like a good idea.

I live in the flat sun-weds night, arriving late Sunday eve and going back to my house 2 hrs away after work on Thursday. We set up a roommate agreement which stated about bills (split 50/50) people staying over and what happened if one of us wanted to move out etc

The deal is that either of us can have partners/friends to stay over on 2 of the (on average 4) nights I'm there. So in effect, his gf can stay 5 of 7 nights a week.

But, what's actually happening is she is there pretty much every night. She lives at home and he doesn't want to go to hers so she comes to ours. They keep themselves to themselves, only using his bedroom, his bathroom and the kitchen but I feel annoyed as I said when we set up the roommate agreement I did not want to live with a couple and he said he understood after his last flat experience. So far I haven't said anything but I thought I was moving in with my mate, not a couple and as she is always there, I never see him so might as well be living on my own plus I'm paying 50% of the bills whilst she pays nothing and is there more than me.

So the way is see it is I have the following options
A; Say nothing and accept this is the way it is
B; Ask for a reduction in my share of the bills although she isn't costing us much more money apart from water I don't think
C; Ask my mate to stick to the agreement and if he has to see her every night then he goes to hers 2 nights a week

Have I missed another option? What would you do?

aggypanthus

I think you are entitled to feel annoyed. She has almost moved in. It seems very bad manners for them to hide away in his room all the time.
Yes, its unfair as its costing more in energy usage ie, showers, hot drinks, heating. Do you share food/ tea and coffee, toilet rolls? It all adds up. have a quiet word with him.

pmlindyloo

Yes, you've missed another option......move out just as he did previously!

Flyonthewall

I agree that you've a right to feel annoyed, I disagree about the bad manners. I'd say he's trying to keep out your way. He doesn't want you to feel like no matter where you go the two of them are there and with her stuff everywhere so he's keeping to his room and obviously the kitchen and bathroom when needed.

If it bothers you then have a word with him. He may not realise.

Pixie5740

Go for option C. He felt pushed out of his last home because of a cuckoo and yet here he is doing the same thing to you.

Hard cheese if she still lives with her parents perhaps it's time she flew the nest.

ThemeOne

I would definitely speak to him about it, but you've got to judge the tone of these conversations carefully. Too friendly and he might think you're not really bothered and will do nothing, whereas too aggressive and the whole situation could escalate into something nasty.

Good luck!

19lottie82

Yes you definitely need to speak to him. There's nothing worse than living with a couple when you didn't sign up for to. And as you said, it's not really fair that she gets to stay there for free while you pay the bills.

dirtycredit

If you say something it will be so awkward and cause tension so you might as well ask him & her if she would like to have your room so you can move out.

silvercar

The issue isn't the money is it? It's that you don't want to live with a couple. Obviously you can't dictate how much time he spends with his GF, so maybe it is time to have a conversation about him finding a substitute flat mate.

tea_lover

So you agreed at the start what would happen if either of you wanted to move out? Would leaving be an option or would it make life a lot more complicated in terms of commuting?

Racky_Roo

Thanks for all the replies.

We don't share anything apart for cleaning material as we have our own bathrooms but no it's not about the money

I can't move out - if only. We're signed into a lease and I have a lodger in my other flat so if I move back home and start travelling again, not only would I need to sub let my room but I'd also then have to share with my mon-fri lodger who quite enjoys having the place to herself. I don't want to move though, I'm enjoying being so much closer to work and having time in the evenings to do stuff I couldn't before

I think you're all right. We need to have a chat and ask she cuts the visits down to the agreed amount and hope he sees reason. I just need to find some time when he's on his own!!