My Son with Asperger & ADHD

Want_to_be_free

Hi there, I wonder if you could advise.

My son is 18. He was diagnosed with Asperger and ADHD when he was 11. We did not receive any help for various reasons.

I worked hard and provided for his needs. I was in denial of the situation and didn't want him to be labelled by claiming any benefits.Big mistake.

I recently had to sell my house for financial reasons. I will be buying another one with my partner, but this will take time. While I am staying in Berkshire and working in London my son is in Kent where I will be buying the house. I am renting a room for him and his GF so he can go to a small college. Him having a GF is almost a miracle, She is a nice girl with lots of issues on her own. I couldn't manage without his girlfriend's help as he needs prompting to eat, get cleaned, go to college, travel etc...I am constantly on the phone with him. By the way, he will not talk anyone on the phone unless he knows the caller well.He has frequent meltdowns, I usually can calm him down, if not his GF can too. But we need help and he needs guidance. He is very bright but different.

My son is happy in his small college with an understanding tutor. He wants to work in the future, but I am not sure if this is ever going to happen. I just hope it will.

I am financially struggling. I rent a room for them, I pay for food, electricity, clothing, travel and anything else they need. His GF doesn't work, I guess my son is a full-time job for her and this aside she is recently diagnosed with depression and really serious childhood related issues. She became homeless two years ago through no fault of her own, She was just 17 then. I had to take her in as there was no one else there for her.

I am very worried that I cannot sustain all this forever. I am debt free and have income because of work. I have a bit of money on the side to buy a house, but it is getting smaller and smaller due to the situation. My partner finds it hard to understand.

Is there any help out there for my son and his GF? He applied to benefit center but turned down because he is in college? I don't want him not to go to college.

I am not trying to screw the system, just asking if he or she are entitled anything because I am at the end of my wits.Worried to sick about future.

Thank you.

PS I have never claimed anything in my life . I don't know how the system works.

Roxy07

Why doesn't his girlfriend work if you don't mind me asking? atleast if one of those was working, or both working part-time, it would help..

I'd suggest looking into one or both of them moving into part-time work for maybe a couple of days a week (2 8 hour days equals to 16 hours and could be better manageable for him than spread over the whole week).

Also, if either are working I'm pretty sure because your son has Aspergers he would be entitled to Disabled Working Tax Credit;

https://www.gov.uk/working-tax-credit/what-youll-get

As long as you can get the doctor to sign for it, I'm pretty sure you don't need an award of PIP/DLA to be eligible for this as long as he struggles socially to form relationships.

Baring that, buying a house for everyone to live in would make things easier, I guess..

Roxy07

I'm not sure on the rules of this but couldn't his girlfriend apply for housing benefit to rent a room from you? she is not married to him so is not technically family. Maybe someone with a better understanding will know if that is possible?

It will only be the shared bedroom rate, but it is something to help the flow while they both study to eventually move into employment.

tomtontom

Roxy07 wrote: »

I'm not sure on the rules of this but couldn't his girlfriend apply for housing benefit to rent a room from you? she is not married to him so is not technically family. Maybe someone with a better understanding will know if that is possible?

It will only be the shared bedroom rate, but it is something to help the flow while they both study to eventually move into employment.

No, this would definitely not be allowed - she is living with her partner, who is a member of the family.

Roxy07

tomtontom wrote: »

No, this would definitely not be allowed - she is living with her partner, who is a member of the family.

That's true but I'm pretty sure the OP wouldn't kick her out and make homeless even if they broke up.. (because she helps out so much and gives OP a break) so in that sense the law is pretty unfair and forces people to exploit it. Of course there is not always genuine people out there, but I imagine the stress could cause a strain on any relationship.

jak

They should do a joint claim for housing benefit, and esa if they are unable to work-I believe you can do a claim for esa if a student in some cases. Also pip. While I understand you feel you must provide for your child, at 18 it is worth him trying to pay as much as he can himself for his own self esteem and pride. Even if he claims benefits, it would give him a little more independence. I do feel for you, my son has asd although he's only 7, so I know how challenging it can be x

kittykat17

Hi, if your son applies for pip and is awarded enhanced care then his g/f could claim carer's allowance (since she is obviously caring for him for more than 35 hours a week). They could also then make a joint claim for income support which would include the carer's premium and, I think, disability premium. They would then also be able to claim housing benefit for the room they are currently renting. When they move in with you the housing benefit will stop.


Could the g/f also claim pip or esa?

sheramber

The OP is paying rent for a room for the son and girlfirend to live in. She doesn't own the room so could the couple claim HB for the room?

While I am staying in Berkshire and working in London my son is in Kent where I will be buying the house. I am renting a room for him and his GF so he can go to a small college.

FBaby

I understand that the girlfriend has some issues, but not striving to cope through these and aspire to gain employment at such a young age will only lead her to the road of benefit dependency. The longer she doesn't work, the harder it will be for her to gain employment.

You sound very caring, but personally, I would do everything to encourage them to be independent. Your son is currently coping with college and learning skills that might very well mean that he will cope with working too. Looking after him is not a job, especially as he is away at college full-time. She needs to seek help and look at taking some sort of activity. Surely staying at home all day at the age of 19 is only going to make her depression worse.

Want_to_be_free

I would like to thank you all of you who took the time to reply to my query.

There were various solutions offered and I checked them all. We are going to apply for PIP for my son and his GF already applied to job seekers. I think this is better than getting income support because now she has to try finding work.

Meanwhile, my partner of four years just walked away from me this week. We were in a process of buying a house together. My son and his GF were not allowed to stay in that house, even though the house would be 50 /50 between me and my ex. Hence, I would be carrying on renting for my son. My ex-partner said he was protecting himself just in case something goes wrong with my son and I would support him more.Now I will have to be going solo and will find a place for my family. There will be many conditions for my son and his GF to agree before they can move in with me. In reality, I will let him stay anyway but he doesn't know that :-)

Towser

Can they apply for council accommodation (such as assisted living) due to his disability?

Although disabled he is a grown up man now. They should be able to stand on their own two feet now especially with the help of the benefits system and not rely on you. Is there nothing like a support worker to help them with the benefits they are entitled to?

I am really interested in this as I too have a ASD son only 9 but fear for his future. I push his school to help him with the subjects he is likely to earn a living from.