Diary of moving house and trying to not get stressed.

BJV

I apologise if my opening post is a little long but I wanted to get it all out and hope it will help me stop getting so stressed.


We have a beautiful house which we have after 12 years completely finished well near as dam it. Dream bathroom, huge extension, open plan kitchen. We have not spared any expense and have gone for the best of what we could afford. Money has not always been easy but my home is very important to me so I have hand picked and bespoke commissioned lot of items.


Both families live abroad so when they come to stay it is not overnight it is a week and there are normally three or four extra people so our three bed no matter how lovely has to go. We are lucky that we have a large deposit in our house and are flexible on budget.


After years of having to be careful with money I don't want to over stretch myself but for the right house in our area we are looking towards the top end.


I love it but it is too small so we started to look for a new house.


We found one which I loved. Amazing. Everything that I could want and more. The garden even had its open private wood!!! I fell in love. But wrong location for schools and it would of meant dropping kids off and picking them up every day as the local school bus's do not go that far.


Ok so we found another. Perfect location. Genuinely could not get better. One of the biggest houses in one of the best roads that needs work. Big old Victorian with loads of potential so a bit of a challenge. In need of love, attention and most likely far too much money but a lovely family home.


Our offer was finally accepted, after lots of haggling and our house sold within 48 hours so all good. There should be nothing to get worried about.


I have a responsible job, like to think that I am organised, cautious and very much a finger on the pulse person. I used to laugh when people said moving house was stressful, normally I can handle most things and then some.


So why am I finding this whole experience almost too much.


I have filled out all the questionnaires sent everything to the solicitors, mortgage all ready but I am struggling feeling so absolutely helpless.


It all feels a bit out of control which is really stupid. The last time we moved it was so easy.


Is this what waiting to move with kids, cats and dogs is supposed to feel like?

BJV

I have spoke to my mum who for me is the font of all knowledge and she said I am being inpatient.


At the moment we are waiting for a structural survey to be completed on our new house. Again starting to get me stressed. We have arranged three times for this to be done.


At first we where told "when ever" so we called and said what about tomorrow.? No that was not convenient so arrange a week later. That was changed by the vendor as they had been called away on business. This has happened twice now so I am getting worried that they are trying to hide something.


Strange if this was not my new home I would take it in my stride and think nothing more. Suddenly I have become move-azzella and everything has an hidden agenda.

Kermie

Unfortunately, from my own experience as a control freak, moving house is incredibly stressful, and there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it. We explained to our solicitor and estate agent that this was an emotional move (selling the family home) and that we were inexperienced with buying and selling houses, but they ignored our appeals to help make it as painless as possible and carried on as they do every day. They seem to totally forget that this is the biggest purchase of most peoples lives and that most people don't do this very often. So I'm afraid I can't offer much hope for a stress-free time, but perhaps knowing that it's not just you might be of a little comfort!

The question I would ask though, is if you really love your current house so much, is it really necessary to sell it for occasional family visits. Would it be easier to find your visitors an air bnb type place when they visit? Talking as someone whose entire family also lives in another country, there's no way I could afford to buy and run a house with more space than I need on a daily basis just so that they can stay somewhere for free when they visit...

pinkteapot

Buying and selling (ie being in the middle of a chain) is incredibly stressful because 90%* of it is out of your control.

You getting the dream home you've found is dependent on people below you in the chain that you can't control.

I've bought three times. The first time there was no chain at all - we were in rented and there was no onward chain. I was never stressed - just sat back and let it happen at its own pace. Our last move was mid-chain and I found it really tough-going. Our timescales went:

July - buyer offered on our house. Were told we hadn't found yet, but they waited.
September - we found The House.
November - chain above us formed - our vendor found something immediately but that person then took some time.
December 23rd - exchange.
February 13th - complete.

I relaxed completely after exchange. We had a long gap until completion because the chain couldn't agree on dates but that was fine - had ages to sort out removals and ordering new furniture. The run-up to exchange was horrible.

No advice really - just do your bits of paperwork when you're asked. Use the EA to do any chain-chasing (not your solicitor). Call them weekly to ask what's happening, so you're in the loop. Good EAs have a dedicated "sales progressor" whose job is to chase up people in chains and find out what needs to happen to get to exchange.

* Made up statistic, but it's a LOT.

SailorSam

They say that moving house is almost as stressful as getting divorced or a death in the family.
And i can well believe it.

Jhoney_2

Is your sale/purchase in London? If so, add bells on to the usual stressfulness that is the way the moving process always is.

Try and stay focused on what you need to do as that's all you can do - easier said than done but that will only help.

At least it sounds like your sale is going well.

BJV

Kermie wrote: »

Unfortunately, from my own experience as a control freak, moving house is incredibly stressful, and there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it. We explained to our solicitor and estate agent that this was an emotional move (selling the family home) and that we were inexperienced with buying and selling houses, but they ignored our appeals to help make it as painless as possible and carried on as they do every day. They seem to totally forget that this is the biggest purchase of most peoples lives and that most people don't do this very often. So I'm afraid I can't offer much hope for a stress-free time, but perhaps knowing that it's not just you might be of a little comfort!

The question I would ask though, is if you really love your current house so much, is it really necessary to sell it for occasional family visits. Would it be easier to find your visitors an air bnb type place when they visit? Talking as someone whose entire family also lives in another country, there's no way I could afford to buy and run a house with more space than I need on a daily basis just so that they can stay somewhere for free when they visit...

Thanks. I agree but they tend to come a lot. This year we have had my parents, then my sister and her son. My oh's parents then his sister, oh and kids. I guess in total it has been a good week to 10 days each visit.


Money wise we have been very lucky with our old house and have been on the property ladder since we where very young. We have also managed to haggle to death the price of the new one and for a quick sale got nearly £45,000 off so money is not so much the issue.

BJV

Ok so todays drama is regarding an extension / conversion we had done in 2006. We where recommended to use a builder who is now no-longer trading. I was pregnant with my daughter and we had our garage converted into an office / study.


We asked lots of questions and was assured everything was completely fine. It now appears that no building regulations where ever signed off. So today I am trying to get an independent inspector to come and inspect the work. From the research I have done this will mean allowing them to chop into walls and maybe dig down to see foundations. Expensive and messy. Fab just what I wanted. My only hope is that since then the electrics have all been checked and the central heating overhauled so fingers crossed they will accept that???


I think bottom line is it is going to cost a lot either that or we go cap in hand to the people buying the house and ask them how much they would like to knock off either way is not a cheap option.

BJV

Ok well it has been a while, and even though I have not posted as we now like to call it in the world of "house watch " the world has changed.


The local council came did lots of measurements aske loads of questions and the asked for a few tiles to be taken up but w woo we got the certificate. I think the fact that since we have had new electrics, gas boiler etc all helped.


Even managed to track down copies of certificates for windows.


So our buyer lets call her Mrs X it appears was not being completely honest. The week after the issue with the certificates our estate agent called us. The have actually been very good, not something estate agents are normally known for but they have so credit where credit is due, to say that Mrs X was stalling as they had been turned down for the mortgage.


We though it was strange the house under offer for 5 weeks and not survey but hey we are not experts.


So the same day the house went back on the market. After selling the house so quickly the first time I thought I had used all of my good luck and was worried thinking that it would be on the market for ages. TBH don't know how but it was sold the same day. A lovely couple called the same day to make a viewing they said that they had tried to arrange a viewing the first time but had been told it was sold so when it went back on they where over the moon. Genuinely very nice people and expecting a little one.


They offered for asking price on the spot and we accepted. Job done.


It all got very strange then because Mrs X got accepted on her mortgage. She got very nasty about the fact that the house had been back on the market. Very vocal to say the least. Shame is that if she had been honest we would of waited.


Any way it all got a bit surreal, really horrible so I guess I chickened out and left it to the estate agents. They where the ones who told me that she could not get a loan, they got me into the mess they got me out. Although I do feel terrible for Mrs X. I would be gutted to lose the house I wanted to make my new home.


Our survey on the house we are buying finally got done and barring a few roof titles and pointing its all good. Which for a house this age ( over 120 years old ) is actually very good. I think that fact that the current owner owns his own building and renovation company helps ha ha.


So I know that there is a long way to go, solicitors, etc for the first time since this all started I am beginning to think that I am back in control.


I am sure I am not, but at least I am not waking up in the middle of the night. Yes we would prefer to sell the house but if not so be it we can still buy the other. It will be a bit of a strain but we can just about do it.