How did it happen?

pennystretcher

Not just online banking, but do you have online access to your energy account to see exactly what is going on?

Just be open with him and tell him you want to see what's going to and see if you can re-shuffle your finances better. Don't take no for an answer - as you are married, whatever debt he may have accumulated is yours too.

And get on that phone and arrange for your GP to visit!!!!!

When_the_going_gets_tough

Op I just wonder whether both you and your husband could consider you taking charge of the family finances from the safety of your home could be regarded as therapy for you and help you on the first step to recovery. Perhaps you need to explain to your husband that you are ready to face up to your financial difficulties and share the load with him. He must also be in a lonely and frightened place as cl says you need to become partners again. Your anxiety will only get worse if you do not challenge yourself at all perhaps facing up to the money side of things could help you both?

Lost_Sparkle

No, it's not a joint account. When we switched banks some years back I couldn't go with him to open the account so it ended up just in his name despite the intention being to open it jointly. I do have my own account that I manage online but I only really use that for my (very) small business stuff. I design beading tutorials for magazines and I sell them through Etsy and Payhip. Doesn't earn me a fortune, but it keeps me in beads which helps keep my anxiety at bay - while I am beading I am not stressing about things as much. I am trying to get myself 'out there' and promote my work but without attending craft fairs it is a little difficult. I'd love to be able to earn a reasonable wage from it one day but, until the garage has been converted into a studio space for me (which seems to get pushed further and further down the list each year) I have nowhere to teach classes so I'm limited to just selling tutorials and, occasionally, finished pieces.

Most of the bills are in his name too as they are paid from his bank account so I have no access to those either. EDF are supposed to be sending us a detailed breakdown so I will have a good look at that when (if) it arrives. They said they have been sending bills/letters out to us but we haven't received one in months!

YORKSHIRELASS

OK I am going to be a bit harsh here. Setting aside all the financial stuff you can't beat this anxiety on your own, no matter how much you want to. You need professional help of some sort or things are never going to get better.

I get the impression that you are fairly young. What sort of a life is this for you? There is no miracle cure for anxiety but please please gather together all the strength you have and pick up the phone on Monday morning. Ring the doctors and tell them exactly how bad it is for you.

My anxiety was bad. Going into a supermarket made me think that I was going to die. So many times I thought that I was going to completely fall apart in public. I have learned to manage it now and I accept that I will always be an anxious person but I can deal with that. There are some things that I cant do but I have a happy, fulfilling life and you deserve that too.

takman

You should get all the login details for his bank account and EDF etc so you can view everything online yourself. Then you will be able to help him manage all the finances.

pennystretcher

I agree with Yorkshirelass above - your anxiety does need addressed, but the monetary side needs addressed too. Not sure if it'd help, but getting you in charge of finances from home might help you feel being in control of a big part of your life and once you get that under control maybe try small steps to defeat your anxiety to meet people face to face.

After my divorce I started having panic attacks in public - nothing in the scale yours are I must admit, but I did manage to stop my fear of being in crowded and new places slowly, and you can do this too but you need support from someone close or a total stranger (depends on you though, sometimes it is easier to tackle big things with someone outside without the fear of feeling judged - people close to you can cottonwool you) I really hope you can find a way to vent and get close to other people via this forum - it's a start....