This is Not a Rehearsal Anymore!

GoingToDoIt

First debt knocked down to zero! Congratulations :T

Rosylee

catriona79 wrote: »

Hello Rosylee,

how was your weekend?

A new month has started and so a new beginning. We can make it the best month yet!

It seems that you have got a workable solution between you and you other half, and I can see why you'd have felt lonely with all the responsibility before.
I hope you don't mind me saying, but it seems that your other half has been sheltered (by you, and I have no doubt, with best intentions) from the bulk of the financial burden. I wanted to ask, and I hope you don't think it's impertinent, whether you think you may shelter him too much, and in fact continue to shelter him from what is your family's responsibility right now? In not treating him as your equal and anadult with a responsibility for a child and a home, you may devoid him of the chance to act like a responsible father.

I wonder what his reaction would be, were he to see that your joint living expenses have created this big amount of debt and whether he would see his role in clearing it.
Is the debt from paying the bills and family holidays or more your discretionary spending over the years?

Just my two pennies worth and forgive me if it's too personal.

Hope you have a good November x

Catriona, I had typed a lengthy response to your post and the darn computer froze up and I lost it all. I won't be attempting to type it all again.

I will say that the debt is of my own making, while some of it was things for the home or my daughter, it was mostly unnecessary things, or stupid things like Chanel make up or handbags, or changing the living room colour scheme or kitchen gadgets, or bedding etc. Emotional spending, I was very unhappy for a long time. In fact, I don't even know how I got into this much debt, I can't even account for most of it. My OH has often asked me to be open about my finances but I have refused because I cannot face the fight (not physical) that will come, and because I feel I will not hear the end of it. Since starting YNAB, I have been more vocal about saving money and not wasting it, and occasionally I have had the odd comment from him because unfortunately this is not my first dance with debt which he is aware of.

I think if I had been more open with him he would have helped more financially, although he has always paid for the bigger extras mostly in relation to anything my daughter needs, but also things like major household stuff, like 3 months ago, we needed a new washing machine and he bought it cash. If my DD needs something, he will always give money for it. I know that by not being open I have created a burden for myself but its like I feel I have no right to ask for help as its my mess, but also because in asking, there is an expectation and indeed a right for him to expect me to be open. I am gutless I know.

What I will say is that even though he is not working, he does all the laundry, cooking, dishes, mops floors, school runs which is a real help. He does not spend a penny on himself, in fact he hand washes his shirts to look after them

I know its sounds like silly excuses, but there it is.

November will be a tight month, only in as much as I am trying to save a little as well. Its not much but it is more than I have ever had before.

Have a good week, and thank you for taking the time to respond. I am not in theory disagreeing with you, I just don't have the courage quite yet

Rosylee

GoingToDoIt wrote: »

First debt knocked down to zero! Congratulations :T

Thank you so much for popping in and leaving a comment.

It is amazing how much that little victory can do for you. My daughter wants a couple of sims games and I have a £7 voucher for Argos (£70 min spend) provided I pay with my Argos card. However, I refuse to use this voucher until I have enough in the Christmas savings category to be able to pay it off straight away. As I only have £40, it will just have to wait.

catriona79

Rosylee wrote: »

Catriona, I had typed a lengthy response to your post and the darn computer froze up and I lost it all. I won't be attempting to type it all again.

I will say that the debt is of my own making, while some of it was things for the home or my daughter, it was mostly unnecessary things, or stupid things like Chanel make up or handbags, or changing the living room colour scheme or kitchen gadgets, or bedding etc. Emotional spending, I was very unhappy for a long time. In fact, I don't even know how I got into this much debt, I can't even account for most of it. My OH has often asked me to be open about my finances but I have refused because I cannot face the fight (not physical) that will come, and because I feel I will not hear the end of it. Since starting YNAB, I have been more vocal about saving money and not wasting it, and occasionally I have had the odd comment from him because unfortunately this is not my first dance with debt which he is aware of.

I think if I had been more open with him he would have helped more financially, although he has always paid for the bigger extras mostly in relation to anything my daughter needs, but also things like major household stuff, like 3 months ago, we needed a new washing machine and he bought it cash. If my DD needs something, he will always give money for it. I know that by not being open I have created a burden for myself but its like I feel I have no right to ask for help as its my mess, but also because in asking, there is an expectation and indeed a right for him to expect me to be open. I am gutless I know.

What I will say is that even though he is not working, he does all the laundry, cooking, dishes, mops floors, school runs which is a real help. He does not spend a penny on himself, in fact he hand washes his shirts to look after them

I know its sounds like silly excuses, but there it is.

November will be a tight month, only in as much as I am trying to save a little as well. Its not much but it is more than I have ever had before.

Have a good week, and thank you for taking the time to respond. I am not in theory disagreeing with you, I just don't have the courage quite yet

Hello Rosylee,

This will only be short as I've just got into work, but I understand now much better how and why you have decided to do things this way. I applaud you for being so honest here but also with yourself. There are plenty of people who would not (my ex being one of them!)
I wish you all the best - and I am with you re decision.
It is easier to face a big challenge like this as a couple, as being in debt can be lonely, but I can see where you are coming from and will be crossing my fingers for you.

Genuinely sorry if anything I wrote upset you. I hope you won't hold it against me - there were never any bad intentions.

Have a good day

GoingToDoIt

Hi Rosy, just think how good it will feel when you buy the games knowing you got a discount and they're already paid for....no waiting until next month to pay it off

Rosylee

catriona79 wrote: »

Hello Rosylee,

This will only be short as I've just got into work, but I understand now much better how and why you have decided to do things this way. I applaud you for being so honest here but also with yourself. There are plenty of people who would not (my ex being one of them!)
I wish you all the best - and I am with you re decision.
It is easier to face a big challenge like this as a couple, as being in debt can be lonely, but I can see where you are coming from and will be crossing my fingers for you.

Genuinely sorry if anything I wrote upset you. I hope you won't hold it against me - there were never any bad intentions.

Have a good day

Not at all Cat, I really welcome your thoughts; I am not in the least upset. It is as you say a lonely place to be without support of your partner. I am appreciative of the space I have here to get a little support and advice, even if its not always what I would like to hear. What is the point of that?! The whole idea of coming here and posting is to learn from the collective wisdom of others...I really treasure that, and even if I can't follow the advice straight away, I still value it and do not discard it. The time will come to be open, but I just want to be in a little better position when I do.

In the meantime, today has been a NSD, all I have done today money wise is log all my transactions with YNAB as they have cleared the bank. Tomorrow I should be paid child benefit, and that will be a help in funding the rainy day categories. There are so many, they will each only get £5.90 LOL. I am expecting my work expenses mid month but cannot budget money I do not yet have.

Well I am off to bed, really tired.

Rosylee

GoingToDoIt wrote: »

Hi Rosy, just think how good it will feel when you buy the games knowing you got a discount and they're already paid for....no waiting until next month to pay it off

Yes, I know, I just hope I can do it before the voucher expires on 19th of this month!

GoingToDoIt

Rosylee wrote: »

Yes, I know, I just hope I can do it before the voucher expires on 19th of this month!

Could be an incentive to chase up work expenses:rotfl:

Rosylee

GoingToDoIt wrote: »

Could be an incentive to chase up work expenses:rotfl:

They get paid around the same time each month so I should make it.

I am not looking forward to work today. Its just non-stop, and no doubt I will be working very late.

Have a good day, need to get cracking

Rosylee

Well thank goodness it is the weekend! Oh hello, its been a while since I had spent some time on here. The truth is there hasn't been too much to really write about. I have managed to update my CC balances...both DD went out without a hitch for my first payment. Quite relieved. The rainy funds are coming along modestly. Just one more round of allocations at the end of November when pay day hits and that will be it. The excess money will go to snowballing. I will still add to the RDF but it will be significantly smaller amounts. My hope is to have £500 saved by the end of November.

I have the last of my Christmas presents to get this week and the good thing is I have the cash to pay for it. So will put it on my Argos card just to get the £7 discount but then as soon as it shows on the online account I will be paying it off in full. I have paid every present with cash. Granted, the volume and price tag has seen a significant reduction but that's just how it needs to be.

I feel such an aversion now to making any new debt, which is lovely feeling...in a very weird way. Just about 20 years late! Oh well, better late than never. Long it may continue

Poor OH...he got a month's work through an agency. Worked 3 days, got there early and stayed late, really enjoyed it. Was offered an interview for a full time job, asked permission to attend, said he was willing to come in early and stay late to make up the hours...they said no, because they pay for the day and better to take the day and just said come back tomorrow. Boss said she understood he was looking for a full time job, seemed understanding and did not say it would be a problem. So he had the day off, went to the interview and by the end of the day the agency had called to say the firm did not want him back as they wanted someone who could stay for the month without days off. If she had just said it would be a problem, he could have at least decided what he wanted to do. I suspect he would not have gone for the interview. So unfair. Another kick in the teeth. He is trying so bloody hard...the look on his face was so painful to see. We are new to agencies, so maybe we made a mistake, perhaps this is how it is and we just didn't know. But if only they had said if you take the time off you can't come back at least he would have had all the facts. No compassion, no openness. And now its back to apply for JSA again. He loses a little bit of himself each time he has to go back there. I better end off ...I am getting upset again, just thinking about it.

Thanks for "listening"