I don't know what to do-family and feelings after death

cydney65

I agree to an extent duchy. My brother is definitely on the spectrum, but my sisters really are not. ASD doesn't run in our family it is rampant. My eldest, two nephews and two great nephews have all been diagnosed. In past generations my dad's uncle was so on the spectrum and if I'm honest, I think dad had tendencies too.

gettingtheresometime your story really resonated. Dad definitely acted as a conduit in the family. He knew everything that was going on, so perhaps all of us didn't get in touch with each other more because dad did that job for us. I will make the effort to talk to my siblings more but the problem remains in that I do all the phoning. I shall see how this pans out. Thank you, oh and p.s. you're doing great on the debt busting...been there!

CydneyX

Mojisola

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

My SIL and OH aren't particularly close but one thing my SIL said when my FIL died has always stuck with me.

She made a comment to the effect of that when their parents were alive we all knew what each other was doing because the parents were the conduit. As they were no longer there, it was up to her and OH to keep in contact.

I think this is quite a common change after parents die.

I saw it with one aunt after my grandparents died - the siblings didn't all contact each other but they all kept her up-to-date and she passed the news around.

Since my Dad died, I've taken on the same role in our family.

FBaby

I think you have made the right decision. The reality with family you are not massively close to is that you do have to make efforts, do things you feel at the time you don't want to do to keep that link.

You started in your first post that you would happy to cut all ties. When one member stops making efforts, it is often what happens. The problem is that you never know what the future looks like and although you might feel you don't need your family now, things could be different in the future.

In your case, there might be more affection towards you than you think. A lot of family disputes come from misunderstandings and wrong assumptions made more than real dislike of each others.

I hope you find that you did the right thing going and that that occasion draw you closer to your siblings.