bankers draft question

acsrjsk

Hi

I would be grateful if someone can reply to this please. I have never felt this angry for a whole weekend.

Further to the above matter I have been discussing,

1. I have told her solicitor that I will discuss only through mediation and won't negotiate directly with the her solicitor.

2. I have attended Mediation Information Assessment Meeting(MIAM) and the ex- spouse has advising that she won't go into mediation yet as her solicitor is putting a financial propsal. Their view is to negotiate with me in writing first and go to mediation if necessary. However I have been declining to deal in writing.

3. Last week I have told them again that mediation is the only route that I will take and failure on their part would escalate to court. I have also given them a deadline (mid next week-I went for my MIAM earlier this month and she was invited soon after) for ex reply to the mediator.

4. Despite this they put in a financial proposal. The offer is making me mad (it has 10% of what I should be getting).

I am worried that if I don't reply, as to this letter then it can be used in court against me for not replying.

Should I reply saying that for the record they can consider the negotiation by writing has failed on the basis that I am not to willing to negotiate without going through the formalities of the mediation process?

Or should I just ignore the letter and wait for the deadline to pass, tell them that I will given them few more days to go MIAM?

Any other ideas?

eskbanker

You said at the start of October that you'd be speaking to a lawyer soon about this, have you engaged a solicitor to represent you yet? If so, then he/she is the obvious place to go for professional advice about how to proceed, but if you haven't done so yet, then surely you need to get on with getting one. Trying to do this by yourself (or with advice from random unqualified but well-meaning strangers on the internet) is a recipe for disaster in my humble opinion, it's far too risky in that you could easily do something inadvertently that would prejudice your case and cost you a huge amount of money....

acsrjsk

thanks.

I have not instructed a lawyer yet. However I did speak to one on a one-off basis. The outcome was that the mediation was the best route.

I am doing everything I can so that outcome wouldn't upset her. It sounds stupid but I honestly do care about her still and avoid a court battle. It's highly likely any fair settlement made by the court will upset her a tremondous amount if I use a solicitor. Hence I am trying every strategy to get her to mediation in her best interst since I still think talking to each is the best approach for both of is. I know forced mediation won't work but I still want to try it.

Their offer letter has made me really angry and the facts made in the letter including property value is total non-sense.

Looks like I will have to ring the solicitor tomorrow morning and may decide to instruct or get advice. I am also annoyed I will £270/hr have to pay just she doesn't want to speak.

eskbanker

Your post again emphasises the importance of getting professional advice as you seem very emotional about the situation, both in terms of feelings for your soon-to-be ex and also the anger and annoyance about costs and offers. That's not meant as a criticism - I haven't been through this sort of thing and have no desire to - but engaging a professional who can be dispassionate, objective and focused, as well as experienced in such processes, will definitely help you achieve the best outcome....

Thrugelmir

acsrjsk wrote: »

Their offer letter has made me really angry and the facts made in the letter including property value is total non-sense.

Perhaps your ex doesn't trust you. Given your earlier posts seems that your ex knows you well. The fact that your are angry is an indication that you are hiding something, i.e. being defensive. Unless you show your hand your ex's solicitors will continue to go for the jugular.

acsrjsk

Agree I did cotemplate that at the beginning as I thought knowing her she won't try to con me so no action taken. In hindsight I should have done if I had known that this is the sort of offer I was going to get!

Looking at the offer letter it is very obvious that they are hiding a lot of things and underestimated my contributions by vast amount. There is proof to show what contributions that I made to the marriage, which is just a bit more than her.

The letter seems to show that I am scared of mediation due to financial disclosure, when I am the one who proposed it. If anything she should be worried and possibly a reason why she doesn't want to go mediation yet. As I said if the matter escalates to court show will be in a weaker position. I am doing my best not to get to that stage and try to get her talk to me.

More importantly, her solicitor has been unreasonable in the way he approached divorce proceedings and very confratational. I know its their job but he could have atleast followed the basic code of conduct, which is to keep things amicable where possible and I have not seen on any occassions that he has done this. I will avoid dealing with that t*** for this reason alone to discuss my finances. Every time I send him an email I get an "out of office" reply saying he is in court probably he has habit of taking people to court - definetly need to be careful when I deal with him. However, I will be getting legal advice and get them to take matter forwards.

acsrjsk

just revisiting this post - atleast I was thinking about offering £50K back then, which I never did, and constantly worried about how bad she would feel if I offered such a low amount. Now her opening offer to me is a fraction of this to walk away and equity on the property has gone even higher now!

acsrjsk

Mistermeaner wrote: »

That sounds like a good opener, but I doubt she'll accept. Your putting her share of equity in house at 20% yours at 80% (50k for her 200k for you). What of equivalent value is she keeping that is worth 150k?

I'm not disagreeing with the approach just playing devils advocate.

I don't know you or her or the circumstances as well as you, your dad and your solicitor.

However an unreasonable offer will likely be rejected out of hand (or countered equally unreasonably) leading to bad feeling and more work for the lawyers.

Personally I would make an offer of something much closer to 'fair' (with room to wriggle) but stick to it - also justify it, particularly emphasising what you won't go after.

Eg. You estimate equity at 250k, you are willing to accept 150k of the equity in exchange for not pursuing her on her foreign properties, car and possessions in the house. Each party keeps their personal savings and pensions.

just revisiting this post - atleast I was thinking about offering £50K back then, which I never did, and constantly worried about how bad she would feel if I offered such a low amount. Now her opening offer to me is a fraction of this to walk away and equity on the property has gone even higher now!