Feel so stupid, can't stop spending and slipping further into debt...

timefortea

I'd recommend keeping a spending diary. I have an app on my phone and record every little thing I spend money on. It's making me accountable for the things I buy and never use. So at the end of the month when I'm running low on funds I look at what I spent money on two weeks ago, and some things I'm still getting enjoyment from (something for a hobby, usually), and some things I've already put away and totally forgotten about. It's changing my whole view of material possessions. Where before I'd just keep making the same mistakes, spending money on aspirational things I'd never use, because I wanted to be the sort of person who would own an X, now I have a better understanding of myself and how I can spend a smaller amount of money with bigger gains.

This advice only works if you do have some expendable income - I know a lot of people on this board are living on the absolute breadline, but that's not my situation. If you do have some money to spend but just want to cut back a spending diary allows you to be flexible but also accountable.

Chrysanthemum5

Please don't best yourself up we are all here for the same reasons.

It might seem scary but it's all fixable even if it takes ages. Take a deep breath and be kind to yourself it's all done now just start taking action but don't best yourself up x

Anoneemoose

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

OK, first off you are not alone. I have really struggled with this too. I now understand that this is because deep down I am not a very confident person. I believe that having the right "stuff" makes me more likeable. I know in my heart that this is ridiculous and I have battled against it for years.

The one thing that has saved me is keeping proper financial records, knowing exactly where my money goes, knowing exactly how much my debts are, knowing how much I have set aside for Christmas, emergency fund etc. I remember the first time I sat down and worked it all out properly I was almost physically sick.

If you are fairly new to all this it takes a long time to learn new habits and you will slip up. There are threads on here that are really helpful and supportive. Dont ever think "I cant do this" and walk away. You can do it, I was hopeless and I have cleared a huge chunk of my debts. Today instead of being £2k overdrawn I have £2k in the bank in various saving pots.

Good luck.

This is me. I come across as confident but really, I am not. I have low self esteem due to mental health issues (OCD and anxiety) and also due to my ME/Fibro and weight. I have had therapy and CBT over the years and although it helped at the time, it hasn't really had a long lasting effect.


I also think perfectionism is one of my downfalls (probably linked to OCD), but it means I like things just so and that tends to lead to spending - new clothes, beauty products etc etc.

I am however, full of enthusiasm and will pay my credit card debt off (we would have done it by now but we got our kitchen done instead :eek:). So, I am really looking at my spending and am planning on really thinking things through before buying anything new that is not 'planned for' - like winter coats for kids as an example.

Sorry OP, my post isn't exactly helpful but wanted to say, you're not alone!!

Mudita

Thanks everyone for your replies, your support means a lot. Your ideas and the insights into your situations is inspirational.

hiddenshadow,

My two motivators are definitely keeping up with the jones and in a search for happiness. I know happiness can only be found internally and I am lucky enough to have a beautiful loving wife, an intelligent caring son and a roof over our heads. Everything I 'need' I have, I have to enjoy what I have, ignore others (as a friend of mine has learnt from past experience, things may look amazing externally but you don't know what financial and domestic issues people have behind closed doors so dont compare to others).

I may try the virtual envelopes theory first with YNAB as I am liking it so far, my short term goals are to cut unecasary spending and pay off my £5500 debt (in the next 2 years). My long term goal is to live off my wages 6 months previous to the month I am in (within 6 years of becoming debt free), as is one of the example goals of YNAB.

YORKSHIRELASS,

I appreciate where you are coming from, the media and marketing are mainly to blame, as well as social pressure. My problem is being in constant search for meaning, I have recently come to an epiphany which has lead to me needing to change my ways, I know this will make the changes I make now stick as I am confident in my direction which I have never been in the past. I know I can do this, thank you for the inspiration, you should be proud getting out of debt and making yourself better off.

timefortea,

I am now using YNAB which the accompanying Android/iOS app tracks spends so it will be interesting to see the results though I know even the sheer fact I have to record what I spend will put me off buying little unnecessary things. I am as you stated close to the breadline which makes it even more imperative to nip this sort of spending behaviour in the bud. Things are definitely going to change for me in the better.

Chrysanthemum5,

Thank you, I am trying to be kinder to myself. After all I am the one who needs to keep my family a float and lead by example for my ever learning son. I want to show him I can be strong and practice what I preach.

Anoneemoose,

Thanks for your response, I understand what you mean and I feel I share similar problems with liking things just so and chasing perfection in most aspects of my life. Its unpractical and unnecessary which I have now realised so I am choosing to change my ways and see things practically.

Thanks again for all the supportive and informative responses

dancingfairy

It might be worth setting yourself a treat/ rubbish/ whatever you want budget. You can do this by having any treat money in a separate account, a virtual pot (ynab) or physical envelopes. I think some people have an all or nothing approach to budgeting so go all out trying to pay their debts, then end up falling off the waggon so you may find having a set budget for bits and bobs helps with that.
Regards
Df