book to help 5 year old deal with loss of loved one

Armchair23

Can I just send my love and support to you, it's hard to look after other people at this time.
So many people suffering a loss, but your welfare is important as well.
X

LilElvis

Armchair23 wrote: »

Can I just send my love and support to you, it's hard to look after other people at this time.
So many people suffering a loss, but your welfare is important as well.
X

Thank you Armchair. I'm OK - my way of coping is to deal with the practical stuff and my family are always there to pick me up if I'm feeling down.

Sadly we've been here before. Tomorrow will be 10 years since we lost my best friend and sister in law to cancer, so I am a little mopey tonight.

I know none of you are with me in person, but it does make me feel much stronger knowing that I have a place to come when I need help. Virtual hugs and support mean a lot, so thank you. X

mum2one

I dont have any really useful to say, but just wanted to send you a big hug.

It might sound daft, but if your daughter is at school, keep them in the loop, when my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer the school arranged for her to have councelling (she was 12),

Also make sure you have some support as well, xx

seven-day-weekend

My son's grandfather died when our son was five. We told him Granddad had been very ill and had gone to heaven (we are believers).

My m-I-l did not want him to go to the funeral, so we respected her wishes. However, I would say if the child wishes to go, let them, my son was actually quite distressed that he had been excluded and still occasionally mentions it now, thirty years later, with regret that he had not said goodbye. . If it is not possible for the child to go to the funeral and they wish to, maybe have a little memorial vceremony of your own.

Hope this helps.

Indie_Kid

mum2one wrote: »

I dont have any really useful to say, but just wanted to send you a big hug.

It might sound daft, but if your daughter is at school, keep them in the loop, when my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer the school arranged for her to have councelling (she was 12),

Also make sure you have some support as well, xx

This is a good idea. The school have more likely over the years, had many children who have lost relatives and could advise the OP?

DigForVictory

When my father-in-law died, we planted a tree for him in our garden.
Somehow, that made the funeral easier on the boys. They knew the tree would still be there even after the dressing up & the arrays of relations.

Definitely let school know, by email if you can't face it in person. Also any after-school things like Scouts - who also have a bit of practice at helping young folk.

Big hugs - and congratulations on the best informed planning you can.

minerva_windsong

No useful advice I'm afraid LilElvis but just wanted to say sorry you're going through this and thinking of you and your family.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My son's grandfather died when our son was five. We told him Granddad had been very ill and had gone to heaven (we are believers).

My m-I-l did not want him to go to the funeral, so we respected her wishes. However, I would say if the child wishes to go, let them, my son was actually quite distressed that he had been excluded and still occasionally mentions it now, thirty years later, with regret that he had not said goodbye. . If it is not possible for the child to go to the funeral and they wish to, maybe have a little memorial vceremony of your own.

Hope this helps.

I'd just turned 13 when my granddad died, and I was allowed to go to the church service but not the crematorium. I know my parents made the decision they thought was best at the time but I felt I didn't get my chance to say goodbye properly (I also wasn't allowed to see him when he was ill in hospital just before he died). Although five is very young, I agree that kids should be allowed to go to the funeral if they want to and the parents think they'll be OK.

LilElvis

Thanks for more great advice, much appreciated.

It's parents evening in a few weeks so I was planning on telling her teacher then that we might be a bit all over the place as we are the only immediate family to help MIL. Fortunately I'm Secretary of the school PTA, so I have a great relationship with the Head, and I know he will be amenable if we need to take her out of school for the odd day and will be very supportive.

Hopefully the funeral will still be a way off, but I have thought about it. I'm not so worried about our daughter attending the funeral so much, more how she will react to seeing her Daddy so upset. I know he will be in absolute pieces. We will have the added complication that it will be an hour from our house and half the relatives will be coming from Germany, with none of them speaking English and only husband and my parents speaking German. Chuck into the mix a BIL who started sniffing around the will literally the day after her diagnosis and you can see that the day will be really stressful even without having to look after our daughter too. Big sigh!

We are trying to spend as much time with Grandma as possible whilst she is still OK, and will just have to judge as the illness progresses when is the right time for our daughter's visits to stop. Having seen loved ones at end-stage before I really don't want those to be her lasting memories of a much loved Grandma, I would rather she remembered the lady who kissed, cuddled and played with her. Hopefully we will have time to create some more happy memories for her, and I know that it is always a big boost for MIL when she sees her.

Thank you all again, it really helps to hear suggestions as to how to cope and deal with a situation that no-one ever wants to be placed in.

I've got an hour to myself now as Daddy has taken her swimming, so I'm going to be very indulgent and mix myself a delicious, salt-rimmed margarita and raise a glass to my lovely friend and sister in law who we lost 10 years ago today.

LilElvis

Jeez! Just realised how rambling I got with that last post, and that was before making myself a drink

I think I should join Gigervamp's cancer thread, but probably not until the alcohol wears off.

Any more advice will be much appreciated as I've got a whole new world to navigate through - registering power of attorney with court of protection, looking at care facilities, hospice, assessments to see if the state will help with any fees ..... just as well I'm a stay at home Mum as it looks like a major project.

Armchair23

Hun people here will help, guide and advise when you need it.

Enjoy the margarita.

Love XX