OCD - Fear of being drugged or poisoned

1234catlady

I have had anxiety issues all my life and I was diagnosed with OCD when I was younger and back then it was a fear of contamination but with germs this time and I managed to get over the majority of it and in between then and now I have been diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and agoraphobia. These 3 things for the most part are manageable now. They still play a part in my life every day but nowhere as much as OCD. So this summer, my stress levels were at an all time high and I noticed some old familiar feelings and thoughts came back which was ultimately OCD.

It all started when I was reading something about snake venom for a uni report on my phone and I was lying there happily reading it then suddenly this intrusive thought of "imagine if the venom from that snake could be transferred through the phone into you! You're dying!" and I knew 100% that was absolute crap and impossible but I couldn't shake off the thought and there was me back to my old self of running to the toilet and scrubbing my hands and wiping my phone all over. That made me feel better but not completely. I hoped it was just an once off incident because of stress and I hadn't been sleeping well but it developed into a daily habit which now affects my life severely.

My main worry is being drugged or poisoned. I think these scare me so much as I have a fear of losing control and also a fear of vomiting. Its affected my eating habits. I have lost a stone in the past month and anything I eat, I am convinced somewhere in my mind that it is poisoned or laced. i have never done any drugs in my life other than drink every now and again and I done weed once when I was 16 and it made me panicky so I stayed away ever since. I wont try new foods. We recently went to Asda for our shopping instead of the usual Tesco and we got a lot of things we buy at Tesco but we got the Asda version and one night we ate the chicken kievs from Asda and I usually eat them no bother from Tesco but I only ate 2 bites from it and for an hour afterwards I sat in panic mode waiting for the 'drugged or poisoning' symptoms to kick in. obviously they never did. I also have a fear that I am going to take an allergic reaction to food even though I never have. Anything I eat, whether I have ate a million times before in the past or not, I sit in panic for the first mins to see if I take a severe reaction.

Its not just food this fear has clung to, its also with things like clothes and soaps. Here's two examples. My mum came back from a trip from England 2 days ago and brought me back some lovely smelling soaps and I used one while in the bath yesterday and all I could think was it was laced with acid or something and I would start tripping which I know is absolutely bonkers. Another ones was a few weeks ago I noticed a white patch on my grey jeans, I knew it was the denim fading but my mind kept saying "no its cocaine!" and again, I knew it was utterly stupid and I have washed them 4 times since and I still wont wear them. Another one with clothes is my gran got me some t shirts from the charity shop and usually I wash clothes when I get them from there anyway, but even after I washed these tees, I couldn't get the "the patterns are actually laced with LSD" or something thoughts out my head and to try shut my mind up, I rubbed my hand all over the t shirt and told myself that if I am fine in an hour, this crazy thought has to stop. I am currently wearing the t shirt at the moment.

I know how crazy and silly it all sounds. I feel ashamed even though I know I shouldn't. I haven't spoke to my mum and partner about the true extent of how bad its getting and I am worried I have something more sinister like schizophrenia and not OCD. I am too scared to go back to my doctor as its hard enough writing all this down for you to read, let alone say it. I've also been in and out the docs with anxiety issues, I don't want them to think I am taking the mick. I can't afford private counselling so i really don't know what to do anymore.

Indie_Kid

Your doctors have seen and heard all this before. They know you're not taking the mickey. They'd rather you were turning up every week than struggling alone.

You're just as entitled to help from your doctor as anyone else.

summerspring

You need professional help. Try and get to a sympathetic GP. Some GPs are good at this kind of thing, others not so good. Either go by recommendation (probably the best way) or sometimes they have reviews on their websites, so it might be worth a look there.

DomRavioli

Hi OP,

You don't have schizophrenia, that's the anxiety talking as you well know. Speak to your GP and see what they say. It may be meds, therapy, or both.

1234catlady

Thanks so much for your replies. This is the first time I have wrote about how badly its getting to me so I feel like a weight has been lifted. I felt like I had to write it and get it all out in the open so I could accept it myself and not run away and be in denial like I have been for so long over this.

I am going to call up my GP surgery tomorrow and arrange an appointment. I will ask specifically if they have any doctors who specialise more with mental health problems.

Anoneemoose

I too, have OCD and my intrusive thoughts are horrible. I don't have outward complusions, mine is often called 'Pure O', I think, because I spend hours ruminating about the intrusive thoughts and what they mean.

I have often thought "what if it's Schizophrenia?" too..and as other have pointed out, it is just the anxiety playing on your fears. OCD is ranked one of the top 10 most debilitating ilnesses in the world, and when you suffer from it, it's easy to know why. Someone also pointed out to me that people with Schizophrenia would never ask themselves if they had Schizophrenia...they would simply believe their thoughts were reality (that is a very basic - and probably ignorant - way of putting it). So if you have to ask or question whether you have Schizophrenia, you won't!

I would pop back and see your GP or your mental health team, if you have one. Obviously we are not qualified to give advice on here, merely share experiences. I found CBT helpful, but tend to find I benefit most from meds.xx

1234catlady

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I too, have OCD and my intrusive thoughts are horrible. I don't have outward complusions, mine is often called 'Pure O', I think, because I spend hours ruminating about the intrusive thoughts and what they mean.

I have often thought "what if it's Schizophrenia?" too..and as other have pointed out, it is just the anxiety playing on your fears. OCD is ranked one of the top 10 most debilitating ilnesses in the world, and when you suffer from it, it's easy to know why. Someone also pointed out to me that people with Schizophrenia would never ask themselves if they had Schizophrenia...they would simply believe their thoughts were reality (that is a very basic - and probably ignorant - way of putting it). So if you have to ask or question whether you have Schizophrenia, you won't!

I would pop back and see your GP or your mental health team, if you have one. Obviously we are not qualified to give advice on here, merely share experiences. I found CBT helpful, but tend to find I benefit most from meds.xx

Sorry to hear you are suffering from OCD too. Its terrifying and very draining. I don't know if its pure O OCD I have. The worst part is knowing 100% what you are thinking is false and far fetched but still not being able to stop it. Its like your mind becomes possessed or something and you have no control. When I googled my symptoms, the fear of being drugged or poisoned seems to be quite a common form of OCD but OCD isn't a condition that gets talked about a lot so its very hard to find someone who feels the exact same way you do.

I'm all for going to therapy or support groups but I don't want to take meds for it. I was severely suidical when I took antidepressants for anxiety so I stay clear of them now. OCD has left me with a fear of taking meds as well. I sit in panic mode whenever I take a simple tablet like paracetamol or ibuprofen.

1234catlady

I am feeling a bit better today and I have more fighting spirit in me than I have had for the last few days. I was thinking of something that might help. When I had panic attacks really badly, I became agoraphobic and was housebound for 6 months at the age of 20. This left me to quit college and is the reason why I chose to study with OU after that as I didn't want to give up my education entirely. I made what I called a 'challenge chart' and I made a list of things I was scared to do such going out my front door, going into town, visit people etc and I made myself do each thing multiple times and I scored how difficult it was. The first time was always the worst - 9/10 usually and each time I done it again, the score got lower and lower until the activity I was once scared of become normal and I had little to no fear about doing that thing any more. That got me out of being housebound, back on public transport again, back into town etc. I was wondering if the same kind of thing could be used for OCD? Say I make a list with all the fear such as wearing those jeans, trying a food I have never tried before. Would that be a good start at trying to control my OCD?

sam.4000

HI
Can I remind this forum that no medical advice should be given. Catlady, you need to seek medical help not ask the forum of how to deal with it.

1234catlady

sam.4000 wrote: »

HI
Can I remind this forum that no medical advice should be given. Catlady, you need to seek medical help not ask the forum of how to deal with it.

Please delete my thread then if its not appropriate.

Stevie_Palimo

sam.4000 wrote: »

HI
Can I remind this forum that no medical advice should be given. Catlady, you need to seek medical help not ask the forum of how to deal with it.

A bit harsh as the person is asking about getting help and people have said contact a GP so not really any medical advice given here, While I understand where you are coming from with this post you need to weigh up the pros and cons of what was advised and 100% here there is nothing untoward.