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Wanting to help ...
edited 11 September 2015 at 11:30PM in Over 50s MoneySaving
27 replies 4.6K views
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I think part of the problem is as they are so isolated, they sit there each day with just each other for company and I think they bring each other down with the woes of the world. MIL occasionally gets frustrated and gets very upset, which in turn gets my FIL upset etc etc.... They desperately need different people in their lives to distract them (although they will say otherwise!)
not that I'm aware of.....
I think you're right, this is indeed part of the problem, as well as the housing situation. After all, even if you live in a 5-bedroom house you don't have to use it all, it's possible to shut down the parts of it that you don't need. Always supposing that the parts you do need are convenient and easy-care!
As I said, DH and I are both 80 and we have various health/mobility problems between us (show me an 80-year-old who hasn't got something!) But I could not live like your MIL and FIL do. Our computers have long been an opening on a wider world. We go out. We go to church. I'm still learning German - want to improve it for our next summer's holiday planned in the Harz mountains. I go to study days on early medieval history and that means driving 70 miles. We have a wildlife camera - a trailcam - so we pick up the wild animals that visit our garden nightly. We no longer 'garden' as such - we physically can't - so we pay a gardener to keep the front tidy and prevent the back becoming a hay-meadow. DH still goes to advanced driving groups and computer studies. The woes of the world? It's impossible to take them all on board. Generations of people only knew what happened nearby or in their own communities - now we get it in our faces every time we look at the news. The worst thing is, there is nothing at all we can do about most of it. Send a charitable donation to whatever groups we favour, but that's all. We can't let it get on top of us, demoralise us, otherwise the terrorists have won, and I won't have that.
You say your MIL is 'often frightened, overwhelmed by things and goes along with whatever FIL says'. I've noticed this before in women who've had a long marriage and have not had much life outside the home. They seem to lose confidence over the years.
I'm surprised that in a village there isn't a thriving community and a lot going on that might interest your in-laws? Well, that's what I've been told about village living. We live on the edge of a small town and there's a lot going on to get interested in. Even church has a lot going on around it.
I don't know what the answer is! I feel sorry for them. They're seeing all the black side of life without the other side. Their glass is definitely half-empty. I can't suggest anything helpful. I'm sorry.
Before I found wisdom, I became old.
Self confidence is often damaged by a stroke, this was very noticeable in my mum.
It is a shame though that they have become virtual recluses. It has been reported many times that an active and fulfilling social life has enormous health benefits.
You're right. Yes, being as active and involved in things as possible certainly has got enormous health benefits.
I could not live as MIL and FIL seem to be living.
I'm fortunate in that in my long lifetime I've known some very inspirational people and they still continue to inspire me. Life is for living!
Before I found wisdom, I became old.
The vet obviously lacked people skills. A vet like my favourite at our practice, would put the point over in a nice way.