separation and depression

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My partner and I are separating, and it's largely my depression and low self esteem which is causing it. The thing is it is making me feel even worse as I no longer have support from her. In fact I have getting a lot of negative energy and criticism from her, and she isnt really talking to me about much at all. We are still living in the same house but I feel alone most of the time and I'm not sure what to do.| Has anyone experienced a similar situation? We have two young children.

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  • BigAunty
    BigAunty Posts: 8,310 Forumite
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    Are you getting professional support or treatment for your conditions? Are there any support groups in your local area?

    What are you plans in terms of physical separation - will you be moving out or selling the property for example?

    Do you have many social outlets or connections apart from your wife and children? Do you have any appetite to address your loneliness through the usual means because of your illness? For example, doing voluntary work, getting into contact with old friends, joining clubs or groups, getting out of the house by joining a gym or walking group or taking classes?

    If its getting too much at the moment, consider contacting the Samaritans as they offer a sympathetic and non judgemental listening ear. They are available for anyone experiencing an emotional crisis.
  • spaceboy
    spaceboy Posts: 1,906 Forumite
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    I've been going to the gym, I don't talk to anyone there though. Going to try voluntary work on Friday. Getting criticized every day at the moment, she's not happy that I'm signed off work.
  • VfM4meplse
    VfM4meplse Posts: 34,269 Forumite
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    You need to work on getting yourself back up to the best you can be, and then your relationship. Living with depression is tough, and so is living with someone who has it. So give your OH a break and remember a separation needn't be permanent. At the moment your depression is holding you both back.
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  • edwink
    edwink Posts: 2,978 Forumite
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    edited 10 September 2015 at 2:45AM
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    I agree that living with depression is tough and living with someone who has it is tough. But, living with a partner who doesn't understand what is like themselves to have depression can be just as tough. Maybe their partner should give them a break too. Not understanding the partners depression will also hold both back.

    My mother suffered from depression. It was difficult for us as a family to see her go through it. As a family we did everything we could to help and by taking the time and effort to understand what was happening to her made a big difference to us and how we dealt with it. Understanding what was happening to her allowed us to offer her the best support that she so desperately needed. This understanding formed part of her eventual recovery from it. We gave her time, space and talked about it with her many times. There were times when she did not want to talk about it and that was ok with us. She finally became well again and we became very aware that our love and support that she so badly needed helped with her recovery. It certainly did not cure her depression but she felt less alone whilst having to deal with it.



    Spaceboy, although a lot of your recovery will be very hard work on your part, equally the support of family and friends will also aid your recovery. You have said that your wife is not giving you support so could you confide in a friend or maybe another close family member perhaps?. Medication from your GP may help you plus maybe some counselling too. There is help out there so you may need to speak to your doctor and see what is available in your area. You have said that you are signed off so obviously you have already been to see your doctor. That is a good first step as that must have been difficult for you.

    I wish you all the best and hope that you get the treatment and the family/friends support that you need and like my mother you recover and start to live your life again soon.

    Take care x
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  • mjkyorkshire1
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    Sorry to hear that Spaceboy. I'm going through a very similar situation at the moment. I've suffered with depression since my teens (I'm now nearly 40).
    My wife pushed me to get help for a number of years, but as you know, it can be almost impossible to drag yourself up and out. She was of the opinion that depression is a state of mind and I should just snap out of it.
    It should be our 13th wedding anniversary this Monday, but two weeks ago she told me she was unhappy and asked me to leave. We're now heading towards a divorce - she's made it very clear that it's all over.
    You need to remember that you still have a future, and you have your children.
    Your priorities are to get whatever help you can - I started on antidepressants in May, and my first counselling appointment is next week. I'm dieting and exercising more too.
    I had a really beneficial 40 minute conversation with the Samaritans last Friday, they got me thinking and looking beyond myself at the root causes of why our marriage may have broken down.
    You also need to remind yourself that it's not all your fault, depression is an illness, you didn't choose to suffer with it. And to be perfectly blunt, if your wife can't support you (for better or worse, in sickness and in health etc etc), then maybe she's not the right woman for you.
    I wish you all the best, I hope you can turn your life around, and while things are tough, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and things will get better.
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