In serious trouble and don't know what to do

no_money_sense

You have 45k on credit cards & thought that 2k on a bed was a good price? I really hope you sort your money problems out, but I think you need re-evaluate needs and wants. No one needs a 2k bed.

andyfromotley

Hi,

So if i am right you have spent £15k of the money loaned to you. £35k of your redundancy and £45k of CC debt. Totalling £95k over about 4 years?

The list of high ticket items you list total less than £30k. So you have been funding your general lifestyle to the tune around £15k+ per year. You will need to tackle this in your bid to get things under control.

I do understand why you want to keep this secret. As someone who hid a gambling addiction for years there is no lie i wouldnt tell, big or small, to cover up the financial disaster that i was creating. Experience over time has taught me that absolute honesty is the best policy imo. It will have consequences, some of which may be out of your control but the benefit of living a life of honesty and integrity is beyond measure. I hope you can find a way to tell your husband. You also need to consider long and hard as to whether or not you can resolve this on your own in secret? In truth, given your track record and the size of the debt i am doubtful about that.

Whatever you do i wish you luck.

Movingon5464

I am sorry to hear that your marriage has been on the rocks especially with a young child involved. I can understand you not wanting to rock the boat but don't see how you can get through this without telling him. If you do get a job to pay the debt won't he question where your wages are going ? Did he not question if you could afford all the things you bought and where the money was coming to pay for them ? I could understand day to day expenses adding up and some husbands (no offence intended ) haven't got a clue how much it costs for a weekly shop or to dress children but how could he not know you couldn't afford to landscape the garden or get a new bathroom without using credit. Did he think it was all coming from the redundancy money in addition to setting up the business ?

London_Ash

How did your husband not notice the entire house being refurnished with high end goods?
I don't understand why questions weren't raised at all.

Tyrone_Black

London_Ash wrote: »

How did your husband not notice the entire house being refurnished with high end goods?
I don't understand why questions weren't raised at all.

And that's why it's partially his fault. Nobody can be oblivious to that. Maybe he knew about the overspending but also knew that challenging it would effectively end the marriage, so has come up with some explanation in his own head that he's clinging to.

I don't see any way out of this that doesn't involve owning up to either of the affected parties, and it's probably going toto need to be both. They are going to be incredibly angry and I don't think there's a way round that.

Sazzie23

rockm87 wrote: »

This makes me sad, it is not your fault, it is both your responsibility to sort your finances. but you do need to be honest. He cannot blame you.

Yeah reading this made me sad too, and I totally understand that you want to keep your lifestyle and your child's lifestyle by hiding this from DH, but it's going to come out at some stage if you keep increasing the CC and can't raise other money. I'd have to say I can't actually figure out what money belongs to who and where it all comes from and goes to, but essentially you've been spending money you don't have and that o do understand. And you are living a lie, which can't be at all easy for you, and that makes me sad for you. I hope you find a way to sort it out. I suspect while DH makes you this unhappy, the spending will continue to be out of control.

Sorry I can't offer practical solutions, but I wonder if you really need emotional support rather than financial advice.

takman

Hiding debt from your partner and not telling will always cause serious problem in a relationship and is always wrong especially when you live together....
But in your case i think it's only half you fault and half his fault and he has no right to be mad at you over this. He knew that you had a history of CCJ's and money management problems and has yet left you to deal with household finances and let you have exclusive access to £160k. He obviously hasn't even checked the finances in a long time or he would have been asking alot of questions. If i was you you i would prepare a report on an A4 piece of paper show the balance of all accounts and credit card's and savings ect. Then have a list of all the big purchases that have been made and showing what your financial situation is. He can then take in all this information and then you can work together to solve this problem.

Brightspark87

Firstly, its not healthy to be in a relationship where you never talk about money or how things are paid for. My x used to expect me to contribute and pay for things 50/50 and thats the main reason I am in debt! He wanted all these things and I had to pay half too. But thats by the by, you need to have the courage to talk about this and honestly you will feel a huge weight off your shoulders. Good luck x

Oregon

I hope things have settled

patman99

At a guess, I'd say the op is busy listing unwanted/surplus stuff on Ebay/Gumtree/Shpock to raise funds to pay-down some of the debts.

She may have also started a TMP/DMP with someone like Payplan or Stepchange. Unless she returns, we will never know.

Op if you are still checking your thread but not posting, can I just ask the following question?.

You mentioned that you used your redundancy pay to set up a Limited company that your husband works through. Does this generate enough money to actually pay eneough to cover the bills if you entered a DMP with one of the free debt advice companies.?