In serious trouble and don't know what to do

ThisIsSerious

Sorry if this is a long one. Want to get all of the information in so that someone can hopefully see a way through this, because I can't.

In 2006 my husband discovered my debts/CCJs etc when we attempted to get a mortgage. He was absolutely furious that I'd kept them from him (they were from before we met and I was embarrassed) but paid them off (about £8k) and cleared the CCJs. We had to get a subprime mortgage, but bought the house and all was sorted. In 2008 we moved to a standard offset mortgage of £175k on a 10 year fix and started stoozing. We were both working and earning good money. Life was good.

In 2010 we had some building work done to the house, the costs of which were higher than planned so got put on a credit card (which I had made the mistake of not paying off at the end of the interest free period). A family member offered to put the value of our mortgage at that time (£160k) into an offset savings account so that we wouldn't pay any more interest on the mortgage. This was an early inheritance if you like, but not to be spent and would be "the last money they would call on" if they needed it. We kept our payments the same. We had a child and I went on maternity leave. In 2011 I took voluntary redundancy and got a payout of around £50k. We set up a limited company which my husband works through. I do the books and childcare (no family living near). Our child has just started full time school. Only £15k of the £50k remains (locked away in a bond). Over time my credit card debts have crept up to about £45k . I've also been moving money out of the offset savings into interest bearing accounts as the mortgage balance reduces. Sometimes the money has gone into my current account and been used as if it was mine. My husband knows nothing about any of this. Family member now wants to buy a second property and is expecting to get some/most/all of the money back for around a year while they do it up. I'm about £40k short. If the family member finds out they will be utterly furious.

i don't know what to do. If I tell my husband he will leave. Mortgage balance is currently £84k, so there's about £90k of equity there which I can access instantly (but can't do this without husband knowing). I'm looking at jobs, but I've been out of the workplace for 5 years and childcare would be extremely difficult if I took a standard full time job.

Am I missing any other options? Please help me.

rockm87

I really think you've got to be honest with your husband, your marriage cant be based on a lie. it will do no good. He is alowed to be annoyed at you, and I would be too, but if he loves you, you need to work through this together. Finances arent just down to one person, you are letting each other down if you live in this fantasy land.

You need to sort your money out.

surfamakikomi

I agree that you have to be honest with your husband, think always seem darker than they appear to be. Your situation isnt as bad as it could be "imagine if you didn't have the equity in your house". I would then look towards removing your access to these funds so you dont end up in a situation again.

Hope it works out

Bobarella

Sorry to be thick. So the family lent you £160k. And you had a £50k payout from your job.
I don't understand how the family money has been affected if it's the redundancy £50k you've been using to live.

Either way. I think all you can do is tell your husband. I don't see another way around it. Sorry. It all sounds awful.
Is it purely the cost of living being higher than you can manage that has pushed you to this?

Grumpelstiltskin

I was wondering what all the money has been spent on.


You would think her husband would realise that after she gave up work the family income would decrease and spending should have been cut back.


Also if the OP has been working for her husband's company was she being paid?


Something doesn't quite add up with the information we have been given.

LJB290

Sounds like the £50K redundancy was used to set up a business (with £15K left in bonds).
So is the £160K offset for the mortgage what has been spent ?????

Whatever has happened, you will need to be honest with your husband.
You may have to apply for a mortgage or a loan to pay back the £160K to your family member - but I wouldn't accept it back after that unless it is in a "safe" place.

DennyChomp

Bobarella wrote: »

Sorry to be thick. So the family lent you £160k. And you had a £50k payout from your job.
I don't understand how the family money has been affected if it's the redundancy £50k you've been using to live.

OP said that she'd been moving the £160k from the offset account into interest bearing accounts and sometimes putting some of that money into her own current account (and then spending it).

Bobarella

DennyChomp wrote: »

OP said that she'd been moving the £160k from the offset account into interest bearing accounts and sometimes putting some of that money into her own current account (and then spending it).

Got it. Thank you.

Sellurgranny

So does your husband leave you to run the company and household finances? Has the money that you've spent from the offset account been used on running the household or being frivolous? What Im getting at is that if your husband has handed over all financial aspects to you then he needs to take responsibility for some of the money problems. Ignorance isnt really a defence if you ask me. And like Grumpelstiltskin said, being made redundant would indicate that your income would fall.

If the money you've spent has been on luxuries that he wouldn't have sanctioned if he'd known about them then perhaps he's got a right to be angry.

In any case there isn't much option but to come clean but perhaps have a plan for how you might repay this money.

ThisIsSerious

Thank you for your messages. I'll try and answer the questions raised, but having spent a long time looking at the accounts concerned, it's not quite as bad as I thought. In my panic I'd forgotten that the family member had already had £35k of their money back for another project 2 years ago, so it's only £120k they'll be expecting back, and I can just about cover if I use the cash that's sitting in the bond. So immediate problem has gone away.

RE what has the money been spent on, all sorts of things . General living to an extent, but also things that you only buy every so often. We had the garden landscaped (£5k), new bathrooms and downstairs loo (£4k), gym equipment (£1.5k), new bed as ours died after 16 years of faithful service (£2.5k), washing machine after the old one broke (£500), new built in fridge freezer after old one broke (£800), car has needed some expensive repairs (£3k), DD's bed and wardrobe (£1100), furniture and paint etc for a playroom (£1000), holidays (short breaks and longer trips £6k), wendy house and garden toys (£500), DH started his expensive hobby up again and needed new kit (£3k). We've paid off £75k worth of mortgage in 5 years. House is full to overflowing with stuff: clothes, shoes, baby stuff that DD's grown out of, general clutter. I'm going to make it my mission to get rid and sell the expensive stuff at least.

The credit card debt started off as a stooze pot but didn't get paid off after the zero interest period, so a large proportion of the total is interest. I'm going to cut them up and try and get a job and start knocking that on the head.

As for DH, our marriage has been on the rocks for some time with other issues. There would be nothing left if he knew about this.

rockm87

ThisIsSerious wrote: »

As for DH, our marriage has been on the rocks for some time with other issues. There would be nothing left if he knew about this.

This makes me sad, it is not your fault, it is both your responsibility to sort your finances. but you do need to be honest. He cannot blame you.