Is frugal the new normal?

HOWMUCH

My mum was frugal in the 70's due to the miners strike, I became frugal in the 80's due to the miners strike and we both never went back. This has enable us to support our daughter through Medical School, she was frugal too and still is. To us frugal us not wasting money, shopping around to get a good price and not pay over the odds. Using what you gave to the max we are not tight, we just make our money go further.

elona

I had a lovely day today. DDs and SIL came round for breakfast then most of them drove to Oxford to clean the rented flat and hand in the keys while middle DD stayed with me to do some studying and keep me company as her boiler has stopped working and she got quite chilled.

I finished off hand sewing the fabric bunting for youngest and also made a big pot of pea and ham soup which I had a sudden fancy for.

A few years back DH almost started off a riot when he said at the pub that I was cooking pea and ham soup from a ham shank and everyone started reminiscing how their Mum or Gran used to make it. I think a lot of them went home and asked their wives why they didn't make soup from bones!

Youngest has already started hinting about my sewing her a patchwork cushion or even a couple. If I get around to it I would like to cover a spare single duvet with patchwork and have it as a throw.

Lynplatinum

Evening all

Was not gonna post anywhere else tonight (trying for an early one) but had to respond to Uncreative's post. How infuriating for you. GQ is spot on with her reply!

I only wanted to add that when I worked in a University - most of them had so much money that they could not have begun to understand our life styles on here. I was still (relative to most of them - I rose up the ranks quickly! 3 years from being on benefits to a £20k salary) poor (ish)! I used my money to save; take the boys to all the places that they had missed out on when I had no money; and to pay for things such as Art Kits (for DS2 @ £145 per term! HND level) and fast computers (DS1 did computing at HND level!). They both went on to uni and I was able to buy them fridges/wardrobes etc. So to me this was luxury! But my frugal ways persisted! I still dressed in second hand clothes but to save puzzlement and being ostracized by my colleagues I would tell them that the stuff came from 'A little shop I know - near my Mum's - in Cornwall!) Which was true - a CS :rotfl:

I also did not tell them that we ate veggie 3 days per week to economise but told them that I did it for health reasons. :rotfl: I got a reputation as a good cook because for 'sharing lunches' - where everyone bought something in - I bought in HM breads/quiches or cakes. all the others vied with each other over which little deli had the best pate or baker's made the best cakes :rotfl:

Now, some of you may be indignant that i didn't 'fess up' well, actually, I was thinking of them. They were nice people and it would have made them so uncomfortable!

But I had the last laugh in a way - when redundancies came along I had 6 months salary saved in the bank (which I made last 12 months) and very small mortgage (I had been over paying). I did not have to rush out, take any job I could get, move house (either for work or because I could not afford it) nor worry too much and so take to drink or anti depressants.

Felt sad to leave because I loved the job I did, but governments change their minds about what they will support ho hum!

So Uncreative - those of your real friends will understand what you did in taking a house which left you savings and wriggle room and breathing space. Your erstwhile so-called friends will envy you when financial trouble comes their way. Try to feel kindly towards them - for they will not know how to cope with it but you do! Now you know who your real friends are! :A

GreyQueen

Bravo, Lynplatinum. I was cheering as I read your post.

In my last job, we were on a fixed-term contract, which had to be re-bid for. We knew this from Day 1 and were anxiously following the bidding process. Our employer lost out to another provider because they were naive enough to think that excelling all the quality criteria stipulated would stand them in good stead. Their rival was more hard-headed; cut £3k off each salary grade, bring their bid in well under ours and steal the contract. And the clients can go to hell, hey?

What this meant was that a few days before Xmas one year, we learned we'd be redundant in 3 months, with only statutory redundancy pay (2 weeks' worth as we'd worked a bit under 3 years). We all got work, but it was hairy, and we were literally competing with each other for the same jobs in other organisations, bumping into each other at interviews and assessment days etc.

I watched the strain set lines into 30-something women's faces, women who were the sole support for their child and paying a mortgage, too. And learned from what colleagues were saying that most of us didn't even have one month's rent or mortgage payment in savings, despite knowing this was a fixed term contract. People had gone on holidays, bought cigarettes and nights out, spent on unnecessary things and were in grave danger of defaulting on their mortgages.

I never want to be in that position, which is why I live frugally to have savings to smooth the lumps and bumps in the road of life.

[Deleted User]

Back in the early 1990s we were given an assignment to work in Germany, we had to make some hard decisions over the girls as the younger one was only 7 and the local school there wouldn't take her unless she was in a class of foreign migrants as she had no german language, I opted to home school her which was very successful but hard for her and the older girl had to come back to the UK to board after 1 term of home schooling as it just wasn't working for her. We unlike all the other ex pats with us decided to save our salary and live a good but not extravagant life, they spent every penny and had an absolute whale of a time doing things all over Europe, hotels for weekends, flying to Disneyland, watching Grand Prix races all over Europe, flying to Barcelona for the Olympics etc. We were regarded as complete misfits as we stayed in our village, made a few friends, enjoyed the lifestyle and built up our bank balance. In the summer of the year we came back to the UK the company was sold in Germany and lots of people were made redundant, WE paid off our mortgage in full with what we'd saved and the redundancy money and still had a cushion in the bank, most of the others came home with substantial debts and presumably happy memories, but still had mortgages to pay on a UK salary. It's always difficult when you are not in step with your peers, made to feel an oddity and not understood but in the long run I think we have fared better than most of them. We still live a different life to our peers but don't have either the needs or the worries most of them still have. Different is not always easy but most of the time it's better!

lessonlearned

It's tough out there, without a doubt. Job insecurity is a much bigger threat now then when I was bringing up my family.

I have ensured that both my sons took out stand alone income protection insurance, they both tell me it makes them feel safer. It only costs around £25 a month, far less than some spend on a night out.

It's hard for some people to resist the supertanker.

I can Remember feeling not envious as such - but certainly a bit uncomfortable when I noticed the spending habits of our friends and neighbours - fancy clothes, regular foreign holidays, new expensive furniture, and cars, extravagant nights out.

Knowing what they all did for a living and all living in similar houses and with school children all the same age to ours I just couldn't understand how they did it.

They were living like royalty when my husband and I were struggling to keep our head above water. Of course it eventually dawned on me that it was all on credit .......

They were all very nice people but one or two of them did make me feel uncomfortable because we didn't splash the cash.

I did feel,like the poor relation at times.....

In those days we were frugal out of necessity.

Having read this thread I now realise that I am now thrifty rather than frugal. I now do it from choice rather than as a means to,survive and pay the bills.

Caterina

Lessonlearned, yes I recall those times, when we were running as fast as we could, me with 3 jobs, DH coming home from a days work and looking after the children as I went out to work, just to remain in the same place and not sink. And all around us, people buying new TVs, cars, bigger houses (we lived in a one bedroom flat with the twins until they were 6 years old), and wondering how do people do it?

Of course now I know it was all on credit. I have had innumerable comments made at me regarding my frugal ways, notably that "I am punishing myself" or that "I should relax a little", from people who in the same sentence that they were advising me were also moaning about being skint!

Only last week a lifelong friend of mine, with a former addiction to branded goods, was thanking me for having helped learn about spending less and living equally well. She is now of retirement age but has to keep working, self employed (due to family circumstances, not her fault) but has managed to reduce her hours and can now pick and choose the jobs she prefers, just because she really knows how to maximise her income.

We are the future, it would appear!

Goldiegirl

I've been away on a short cruise for a few days, but I read the new posts on this thread this morning on my phone, while I was waiting on the ship to disembark.


It's sparked quite a lot more thoughts in my mind, and comments I want to make, so I may be posting several posts in the next day or so as I catch up.


PS - Mobile phones, or should I say smart phones.


I know the frugal mantra is 'I don't need a smart phone' or 'a smart phone isn't for me'


I thought that until 2 months ago. My ancient phone's battery had more or less given up the ghost, so I needed to update.


I've already got an iPad, so it made sense to get an iPhone.


I've now got a lower spec iPhone 5c, plus a decent monthly data allowance, so I'm not afraid to use it when I'm out and about.


I have to say I've thoroughly enjoyed going online from time to time when I need / want to when I'm out and about, and the camera is excellent.


I'm sure I could survive without a smart phone, as I always did before. But life is about more than surviving.


I enjoy my new iPhone, and I can afford to pay for it. There's no reason to deny myself enjoyment.

Goldiegirl

TiredTrophy wrote: »

My -you have no intention of wasting tuppence on it-opinion is
Beware the miserliness trap! When your frugal or thrifty ways mean you resent spending anything and you become sour and joyless. It happens,
Some posters have mentioned the fun they have camping, or affording a more interesting pastime by saving elsewhere....or the satisfaction of providing for loved ones from very little.....this is fantastic.....but...well, you fill in the rest.
And I know there are those who have no choice, and there is still not enough, I hope better times come for you soon.

TiredTrophy wrote: »

Oh dear, kittie, I did think I was being clear, sorry. No, frugality and miserliness are not the same...and I would not go 'accusing' people .but I know of those who go so far to save a few pennies that they lose sight of the fact that life is made for living! And these people can be found on other threads on MSE as well as in RL.

I thought these two comments were interesting.


I think frugalness/thriftiness can be very positive when it's due to a need.


For example, low income, reduced income, a change in circumstances etc. It's an excellent way to cope, and to keep your head above water.


Also, it can work as a balanced plan to achieve a goal. For example, to pay off the mortgage early, to retire early or to help a family member to achieve something.


I also get that some people simply enjoy being thrifty, maybe due to their childhood experiences, it's something they've always done and it's just part of who they are.




BUT




There's a danger that it could tip over into miserliness. Miserliness is not positive. It's mean (both in money and spirit) and sucks the joy out of life. Any money is spent begrudgingly, even on essentials

It might not get as far as miserliness. But, the ingrained frugal habit may still hold a person back.


Their circumstances may improve - they might get a new job, or a better job, or the children grow up and aren't financially dependant anymore.


But the ingrained frugalness makes them automatically think they can't afford to have that big holiday, or have a meal out if they feel like it from time to time or have other treats.


They might tell themselves they don't need 'fancy holidays' etc, but if they looked at the finances and realised they could treat themselves, they might actually enjoy it after all!

Goldiegirl

chanie wrote: »

I work with a couple who are frugal. They bring in their lunch from home everyday and I have never seen either of them buy the odd chocolate bar or can of drink. Ever. I don't think they get up to much at the weekends or during their holidays either. They may be happy with their choices but I can't help but I feel they may be letting life pass them by. They earn a good salary, are mortgage free and have no dependents, so the world is their oyster.

I regard myself as thrifty in that do admit I spend on things that may not be nexessary, but I am a bargain hunter.

Areas i cut back on:
Food shopping, house keeping, stuff for the house, car, travel to work, Presents for family members,I only use a couple of products for my skincare.

Areas I splurge on;
Clothes for the family, make up, toys for the children.

Even on the areas I splurge on, I do try and hunt out offers where possible.

chanie wrote: »

I think there is a fine line between being frugal and being tight and I think

Up thread, I mentioned a colleague who always brings in lunch from home, had a good salary and is mortgage free, so could afford to have the odd treat if they wanted to, but never has.

Anyway, quite a few people in our office bring in lunch from home (me included) and aren't seen as being tight, but this person is. To give an example - at work, we don't have milk kitty, but someone will bring some in. I bring in a 4 pint bottle every week and this is more than enough for my cereal and coffee. Colleague brings in a 1 pint bottle, which I suspect doesn't cover their share for the week. I sometimes think 'it wouldn't kill you to bring in a 4 pint once in a while'.

Again, I was nodding in agreement with these two posts.


I always took my lunch to work with me, for 4 days of the week, but on the Friday would go out for a sandwich with my friends from the office.


Eating out, even if it's just a sandwich, is a treat and a pleasure, so as part of a balanced lifestyle I allowed myself these treats.


Now, when we go out for days, we often take a packed lunch. It allows us to save a bit of money, so we can use the money for other enjoyable things. Plus, as I now have a dietary requirement, it's often easier to take our own food.


But we still enjoy eating out when we can. If we find somewhere that will look after my dietary need it's a true pleasure and we will return to that restaurant - it's very important to feel looked after.


We live a reasonable, balanced life - we are careful with what we spend, so that we can continue to have treats throughout our retirement.


Maybe the couple that Chanie knows are saving for an early retirement.


Maybe they are saving everything for living the high life in retirement.


Or maybe they are simply tight, will retire early anyway with several hundreds of thousands in the bank, and live a mean existence as they can't bear to part with a penny.


We can never know what happens behind closed doors in people's life.... but this couple do sound as if they might be on the miserly side!