My ship is sinking

MissMuppet

I know of a couple of people in a similar situation with exes, and I must say in both cases the guy is left paying everything... maybe it's just a coincidence! It was certainly the other way around for me.

I think everyone has given you some valuable information, if you really can't afford your debts then you need to start writing to them and asking for a lower monthly payment. I have been paying my creditors very little over the past 4 years, as long as you pay them something they seem to be ok.

Hope things sort themselves out soon. It might be better to sell the house, have you thought about that?

tealady

This is going to sound a bit harsh but bear with me as I mean it as a reality check.
The way I see it you are subsidising someone else to live in a house you have a 50% share in and that person is having an adverse effect on your credit rating. You need to tell her she has 3 options.
1) Pay 50% of the bills 2) Move out and you will buy out her share less what she ows for not paying 50% of the bills. 3) You move out force a sale of the house and move on. Some people are users and she sounds like one.

fistfullofdollars

I agree with the tealady. If the plan is to sell in 9moths and she is expecting no less than 50% of the profits of the sale she should be paying 50% of everything. If she disagrees work out exactly how much you have been paying the mortgage and get some legal advice to make sure you get your share back out of the house when it sells.

Also, get your credit file disassociated with hers. I think there is a form to do this from experian/equifax for every account other than the ones you are both financially associated with i.e. the mortgage.

Are any of the debts in joint names/her name?

MissMuppet

You will only be able to disassociate yourself from her once you have no financial connection, I could only do with with my ex when we sold the house, I had to send proof of the sale.

MrsTinks

I don't think you can dis-associate yourself from her yet because you still have financial joint products - ie the mortgage. However I agree she should be contributing 50% - and a horse can't have been a cheap investment. You have the £110 stabling - then you have farrier, vet, feed, tack, etc and trust me they add up! If she can afford a horse she can CERTAINLY afford to pay her way in the house. And let's face it - she'll not likely find anywhere to rent easily if you have to sell the house. Not at £250 a month (plus the bits she does pay) and not with a default against her. When you rent the companies do a credit search on you before renting to you to make sure you are likely to be able to pay your rent... Maybe point this little fact out to her?
Personally I would stop worrying about affording the house and get rid of it so long as you do not end up in more debts. What kind of equity do you have in the house at the moment? is it a 100% mortgage? So long as the £7500 early redemption (and I'd really fight them over this!) isn't more than you have gained from the sale then I'd honestly consider selling it as soon as possible and seperate your life from the ex...

simonts

My mortgage is probably at about 129/130k I would think atm, The house is worth probably £157k.

The bit where I loathe selling is that I was myself and my family that stumped up the money for deposits, stamp duty, solicitors etc whereas nothing was seen from her side.

I hope if selling that she will be decent and accept my planned offer to give her all her payments back plus interest as if she has had the money in savings, Trouble is she is on the deeds and could turn nasty so worst case taking 50% of any equity for a very small contribution on her part.

RAS

Hi

Really, really you needed to have sorted this befor you bought a house together.

But given the situation, I would suggest that you start by handing her a bill for the money she has not contributed to the household since you split up and make her pay the full whack from now on. tell her quite bluntly that you could get this off a lodger.

Even if she does not pay up., bill her every month. That way you may have some evidence when the house is sold.

You need to see a solicitor asap to find out your legal position re the sale/buying her out.

simonts

Cheers RAS...It gets worse tonight.

I ofund out she is planning to act as guarantor on a loan for one of her friends so she can buy a horse.

The APR on the loan is like 46%, I'm sorry but that screams to me that they are a liability.

Does anyone know where this puts me? If I am credit linked to my ex will I then become linked to her friend via this?

MrsTinks

No you won't be linked to her friend But she is about to get her self into some very risky waters by acting guarantor for someone who only qualifies for a 46% apr loan :S

I know it'll hurt on the house selling but you want to get yourself away from her as soon as you can by the sounds of it.

I split form my ex back when I was 21 (actually he ditched me twice a matter or months before the wedding...) he got the house.
I got debts. It cost me a lot. But you know what? I still think I got the best possible deal. Once those papers were signed and I was free of him I truely started my life. Up till then he controlled my life so much and paying thousands of pounds for not living my life according to his rules was worth every penny.
Maybe the potential loss you might make will be worth it to you too?

madmoney_2

well then put your foot down!!! she shud be paying her half to live there no matter what - tell her she is risking losing the house if not. honestly some females make me ashamed to be a woman!