Help with socially awkward son

thriftyemma

My DS in 7, nearly 8, and will start junior school in September. He has a few friends, but has recently been on the receiving end of some unpleasant behaviour from a couple of boys in his class. In a bid to help him deal with it (as well as talking to his teacher etc) I kind of "took stock" of DS, as a person.

DS is what I can best describe as socially awkward. When he talks to other people (family included) he talks at them. He bombards them with information, such as a computer game he's playing. Or a stream of thought, with no filter, which he keeps going for several minutes, without pause. He is also terrible at reading social cues. He doesn't understand when the other person wants to take a turn speaking, or wants to change the subject. He does not respect other people's personal space, and is often inappropriately loud.

He is extremely imaginative, loves playing with other kids, and has no problem engaging with other people. At the moment, it's not causing a major problem. But I think he will continue to be bullied, and it will probably get worse the older he gets. I guess I am asking if his social awkwardness is normal for his age, and what I can do to help him be more socially aware. Thanks for reading.

nomoneytoday

Does he have aspergers by any chance?

gabriel1980

Sounds like he might be somewhere on the Autism scale.

pollypenny

Do you have other children? Is he with adults, who adore him much if the time?

I'm just wondering whether he's learned to 'take turns' with speaking, as well as sharing toys.

Investigate other, simpler reasons before landing him with a label.

Flyonthewall

My first thought was the same as the first two posts. That he is somewhere on the Autism scale.

However, does he lack understanding of social situations or does he just get over-excited and talk and talk?

Kids often do have good imaginations and it's not a bad thing. As he gets older he may find he can use that towards something creative such as writing or making videos or something.

amistupid

He sounds just like my young nephew who is autistic.

Squoozy

I don't know if he has any siblings, but I would try something like playing games with him where each person has to wait their turn (perhaps a simple dice game like snakes and ladders or something that might appeal to him). I would also consider whether he could perhaps play with some younger children where he can be the biggest and be encouraged to have some responsibility and listen to their needs. I think he needs gentle encouragement and patience, and lots of positive feedback, especially when he has been responsive and thoughtful.

Your son actually sounds lovely, I hope you can find a way to help him. Bullying is horrible, and although its good that you are considering how to help him, I wish the parents of the bullies would do the same.

thriftyemma

nomoneytoday wrote: »

Does he have aspergers by any chance?

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Sounds like he might be somewhere on the Autism scale.

amistupid wrote: »

He sounds just like my young nephew who is autistic.

Whilst looking on the internet for clues to his behaviour, the idea of Asperger's did keep popping up. I even did a quick test. I am well aware it is NOT a diagnostic tool, and will not rely on any results. The average score is roughly 16 (out of 50), DS scored 37. However, he distinctly lacks some key traits of AS, such as he likes making friends (and has several his own age), he has no trouble making and keeping eye contact, he shows empathy (as much as 7yo boy can!). And although he shows great interest in certain subjects, to the exclusion of others, he embraces new things when introduced to them. From what I read, my crude interpretation was that he would not fit the criteria for an AS diagnosis.

pollypenny wrote: »

Do you have other children? Is he with adults, who adore him much if the time?

I'm just wondering whether he's learned to 'take turns' with speaking, as well as sharing toys.

Investigate other, simpler reasons before landing him with a label.

DS is eldest of three, DS2 is nearly 6 and DD is 4. He started going to nursery one day a week from the age of 1, which increased to 15 hours once he was 3. He has been around lots of children of different ages. He has several cousins of similar ages, and we spend time with several sets of friends with children. He has had lots of opportunity to 'learn to share', he just hasn't picked it up. As he is my eldest, I don't have the experience to say whether this is normal for an 8 year old.

Flyonthewall wrote: »

My first thought was the same as the first two posts. That he is somewhere on the Autism scale.

However, does he lack understanding of social situations or does he just get over-excited and talk and talk?

Kids often do have good imaginations and it's not a bad thing. As he gets older he may find he can use that towards something creative such as writing or making videos or something.

He does get very excited, and will keep talking for as long as you let him. Which is ok in the family home, but it has caused awkwardness when out and he does this to strangers. He will keep talking, even when the other person has tried to take a turn speaking, or has turned away. He has an incredibly vivid imagination, his creative writing is a wonder to read! This is another thing which suggests he does not have Asperger's.

Sorry for the long post, trying to answer everyone at once

pollypenny

I think that, as in the last example you gave,,it's time to intervene and say, nicely, 'oh, Tom, now David wants to tell you about xxx like you told him'.

Flyonthewall

He does get very excited, and will keep talking for as long as you let him. Which is ok in the family home, but it has caused awkwardness when out and he does this to strangers. He will keep talking, even when the other person has tried to take a turn speaking, or has turned away. He has an incredibly vivid imagination, his creative writing is a wonder to read! This is another thing which suggests he does not have Asperger's.

Sorry for the long post, trying to answer everyone at once

37 out of 50 is quite high, especially if the average is 16. It might be worth seeing a doctor about it, just see what they say. Get a professional opinion rather than just going by an online test. He could be on the scale. Not everything has to apply for it to be that.

If it is that it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It may help to know.

Either way, it sounds like there's certain things he gets passionate about and he wants to keep talking about them. Have you tried talking with him with him about it? Maybe there's some sort of game you can play that will teach him about turns. Someone suggested a board game which might be good idea. Maybe some sort of question and answer game may work.

A board game may also help with the sharing. Sharing a dice or cards.

It's good that he has interests and it's great if he has a creative outlet.

Fen1

Being sociable and having a vivid imagination do not preclude Aspergers. I know several people with Asp who are highly sociable, have lots of friends and have romantic relationships. Asp is a spectrum, and the various aspects of it are unique to each person. What might be 'obviously' aspy in one person may not even be a feature for another.

What your son may need, before going down the Asp route, are etiquette lessons. Children focusing on their likes and not picking up other people's boredom is very, very common and quite normal. What he may need is for you and other adults to gently remind him to listen to other people, how to watch and learn body language, and just be prepared to give and take - even if it means he gets bored whilst someone else is talking! Get the other adults in his life on-board, and all of you actively teach him the social skills that he might be lacking. Bless his socks, he might just need a bit of guidance.