Renting in your 40's and staring into the abyss

lisyloo

I don't know what is sadder, the deposit situation or the family morals.

Sorry I don't get your point.
My parents stayed together many years past the end of their marriage "for the kids". How long do you think they should live in a non-working marriage for the sake of their kids? Until the kids are 18? until they are 43? until they've left home? not at all?

I suppose it would explain why elderly are shoved in a nursing home

Whoa !! We have an elderly mother aged 87.
Which of us do you think should give up their job/career and lose their home to look after them? I know my MIL's answer and it's her daughter, but I'm not sure where the daughters family would sleep once the daughter had lost her home to care for MIL. I'm interested in your answer. I am the son's wife and it's perfectly ok for a son to prioritise his career because men are meant to be providers (in MIL eyes). BTW - we'd also lose our home and have nowhere to live if we looked after her. Interested to hear your views.

ukcarper

lisyloo wrote: »

It's a huge problem for youngsters because whilst they are paying high rents they can't afford to save a significant deposit and even if they are, capital appreciation is exceeding what they can save.
Of course if they are lucky enough to live with mum and dad then they can save, but not everyone can get job near their parents or has living parents with a spare room or a good relationship with them.

My parents got divorced and didn't particularly want their kids cramping their style. They aren't obliged to house young adults.

I'm divorced didn't disown my kids.


If they want to save they could rent a room a lot of people OP included don't seem to be prepared to make sacrifices for a couple of years to enable them to buy.


Average house price now about £200k average earnings £25k take home about £1600 a month so making those sacrifices I would have thought you could save the 10% deposit in 2-3 years less time if a couple.

remorseless

lisyloo wrote: »

Sorry I don't get your point.
My parents stayed together many years past the end of their marriage "for the kids". How long do you think they should live in a non-working marriage for the sake of their kids? Until the kids are 18? until they are 43? until they've left home? not at all?

Whoa !! We have an elderly mother aged 87.
Which of us do you think should give up their job/career and lose their home to look after them? I know my MIL's answer and it's her daughter, but I'm not sure where the daughters family would sleep once the daughter had lost her home to care for MIL. I'm interested in your answer. I am the son's wife and it's perfectly ok for a son to prioritise his career because men are meant to be providers (in MIL eyes). BTW - we'd also lose our home and have nowhere to live if we looked after her. Interested to hear your views.

Sorry maybe I misread your post. I understood that parents separating are kicking their kids out because they're cramping their style.

Couples separate, that's fine, no one is arguing that they should stay and pretend, however I find it really odd that a parent would kick their offspring to the curb to be with someone.

If my parents (or partner's parents) had a need, I couldn't see myself kicking anyone out. I was raised with the notion that family stick and help each other.

Gosh, if a kid gets kicked out because mummy or daddy found someone new and now are a burden cramping their style, it's sad.

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lisyloo

I understood that parents separating are kicking their kids out because they're cramping their style.

I said "didn't particularly want" and you've interpreted that to "kicked out".
Which parents do you know want their adult kids having to listen to their nuptuals and which adult kids do you know who want to carry on their normal activities including the intimate variety with their parents next door?
Yes somtimes people have to make sacrifices but do remember that not everyone has parents alive, or parents with a spare room or parents living where their careers/jobs are, so it shouldn't be assumed everyone can do this and yes some people don't get on well with their parents when they are young (I thought that was common).

remorseless

lisyloo wrote: »

I said "didn't particularly want" and you've interpreted that to "kicked out".
Which parents do you know want their adult kids having to listen to their nuptuals and which adult kids do you know who want to carry on their normal activities including the intimate variety with their parents next door?
Yes somtimes people have to make sacrifices but do remember that not everyone has parents alive, or parents with a spare room or parents living where their careers/jobs are, so it shouldn't be assumed everyone can do this and yes some people don't get on well with their parents when they are young (I thought that was common).

sorry to hear, I hope your experience is not the norm and I'd like to leave it at that...

missyrichards

lisyloo wrote: »

Yes somtimes people have to make sacrifices but do remember that not everyone has parents alive, or parents with a spare room or parents living where their careers/jobs are, so it shouldn't be assumed everyone can do this and yes some people don't get on well with their parents when they are young (I thought that was common).

Exactly, I think some people have a very idealised view of parents on here, not everybody is able to live with their parents rent-free to save up a huge deposit. Also some parents want their kids to be independent after leaving uni which is fair enough and might not want them living with them.:D

Graham_Devon

missyrichards wrote: »

Exactly, I think some people have a very idealised view of parents on here, not everybody is able to live with their parents rent-free to save up a huge deposit. Also some parents want their kids to be independent after leaving uni which is fair enough and might not want them living with them.:D

They don't. They are just being argumentative and trying to stir things up for whatever reason they may have.

Hence the last line remorseless wrote in post number 264.

I genuinely don't think this is a case of people being unable to see that not every person or family out there fits into one neat little box package. just for whatever reason, in a discussion, they will not budge.

My personal circumstances of living at home with the parents some years ago would have meant a 120 mile daily commute for example. So little money saving to be had there. But apparently everyone did it in the 1970's, so they should do it now.

wotsthat

My parents divorced when I was about 9 and my dad went on the dole for a decade to avoid paying maintenance.

Couldn't even get a full grant to go to university because my mum remarried a few years later and her husband's pay was taken into account - it was made very clear I wouldn't be receiving any parental support.

Yet here I am about the same age as Fiona a homeowner with a science degree. Fiona and I both had the chance to buy houses at record lows with minimal deposits required - I fail to see what the fuss is about.

The UK has an abundance of open doorways of opportunity and I get a bit sick of people moaning because they decide not to walk through them.

lisyloo

sorry to hear, I hope your experience is not the norm and I'd like to leave it at that...

Fine - I don't want or need any pity.
Some people just get on with things whatever the circumstances, other people moan to high heaven and unfortunately social media gives them a platform.
Whilst Fiona was galvanting and lying on her back, I bought a home and I'm very happy about that.

wotsthat

Graham_Devon wrote: »

I genuinely don't think this is a case of people being unable to see that not every person or family out there fits into one neat little box package. just for whatever reason, in a discussion, they will not budge.

My personal circumstances of living at home with the parents some years ago would have meant a 120 mile daily commute for example. So little money saving to be had there. But apparently everyone did it in the 1970's, so they should do it now.

Your last line seems to be doing exactly what you complain others are doing in the previous paragraph.

Most people in the UK are able to rely on family help in some form or other. A 120 mile commute just to save money on board probably wouldn't be practicable but that's not the norm. It's like me saying my dad didn't support his kids financially so we have to assume that's the norm.

I'm sure your parents helped you financially in other ways.