the unromantic side of marrige

pollyanna_2-2

is it finacially better to married ? iv been with my partner for over 11yrs we never got married because we have always managed to spend money on other things that seemmed more important we both used to work full time and we bought our own home together but since having children iv only ever worked part time and for the last 2yrs iv not worked at all not because i have not wanted to it's that oh prefers me at home! i dont really have a big problem with that as he does earn a good salary now.
but a freind of mine her husband has just walked in after 20 odd yrs of marrige and says he wants out and its really just kind of brought it home to me that i could be in a very vunrable position and need to know how i can protect myself for the future should this ever happen to me

mountainofdebt

It's not just if he wanted out....what would happen if he died and hadn't made a will ? What if some horrible decision had to be made about his medical treatment and you weren't considered next-of-kin enough to make that decision?

noonesperfect

TBH I'd leave things as they are. I've known a few people who have got married after being in long term relationships and the marriages failed pretty quickly.

Weddings are nice but I personally have a very cynical view of marriage after a bitter divorce. Marriage, to me, doesn't guarantee anything.

If you're happy as you are, I wouldn't bother. As long as you make wills I don't think it matters. I think unmarried couple respect each other more.

When my partner was in hospital last year I was regarded as his next of kin.

HTH

dora37

noonesperfect wrote: »

I think unmarried couple respect each other more.

As you say you have a cynical view of marriage and presumably that is how you have come to the statement above - I do not have a cynical view of marriage and I absolutely respect my husband and vice versa, so it probably depends on people's experience of marriage.

Lots of people do not respect each other - nothing to do whether they are married or not.

duchy

I think it's true that you often hear of couples who have been together for years splitting up shortly after getting married but often those couples actually got married to paper over the cracks that had already developed in their relationship and would have split regardless.
Maybe you need to look at what marriage would bring you and why you want it. If it is simply to ensure you will be looked after financially if things go wrong (either death or seperation) then there are legal steps you can take that would safeguard you. Also marriage only needs 5 people-the couple, the witnesses and the person marrying them-it doesn't have to be a big expensive "do". What does your OH think about your worries ?

liz105

mountainof debt made some very good points there, what if a MASSIVE decision had to be made and in the eyes of the law you were seen as a 'girlfriend'? 'Commonlaw' is an urban myth. God forbid if he were to pass away without a will his family could force you out of the house? etc.

financially - personally we saved well over £100 on our car insurance when we told them we had got married and werent just 'partners' any more.

And Im sorry but if 'you' (rhetorically) split up right after getting married after being together for years then you were probably going to split up anyway.

One marriage license, must be very almost cheaper than two wills surely??

mountainofdebt

In addition to the points I have already made, what if the unthinkable happened and the legal next of kin wanted different funeral arrangements to you?

This situation occured when my FIL died - my SIL & hubby wanted his ashes buried in one place whilst his partner wanted them buried elsewhere. As my SIL and hubby were next of kin their wishes were considered to be paramount.

Mrs_pbradley936

I would find the legal side of things a worry in your position, so I think I would take steps to remedy the situation.

Kimitatsu

The quick answer Polyanna is yes you are better off. You are entitled to more than half of the house if you do divorce, insurance is cheaper, transfers of shares are free between spouses, you automatically inherit his estate and I am not sure if the £280,000 IHT band applies.

If you just want to get married for the piece of paper then does it have to be a big wedding. How about a holiday just him you and the kids and get married whilst you are there?

But it is upi to you at the end of the day

pollyanna_2-2

update: i totally forgot i had even posted this thread lol anyway we are still happily unmarried im his next of kin and we made basic wills just to say the 50% of house would transfer to either partner should anything happen.

i had a long think about how i would support my self and im now studying at uni by distance education, i thought i may aswell be doing something productive while being at home, kids are at school so get my studying done while their out, and by the time im qualified they will be a little more independant, so i will be able to work full time and even better i should make more money than O/H does now :j so if he wants he can become a house husband!

kazmeister

Hi

I too am in an unmarried relationship for 11 years with 1 child between us now aged 9. I also am worried about the 'why get married now' as I too have heard of loads splitting up after getting wed. I'm not sure what age you are, but my OH is only 5 years from retirement and there do seem to be financial implications to not being wed. My employers pay out a widows/widowers pension which my OH would NOT be able to get should anything happen to me, and I think should anything happen to him I would not get any of his pension. Now while I know it shouldnt be a reason to get wed it is certainly something to bear in mind for both of us, as why should we lose out because of a license