It's all going a bit wrong (and son has Aspergers).

WantToBeSE

Up until recently, life was going rather well.

O was employing 2 people (I own and run an Eco-friendly cleaning company) and i was working 3 days a week, and money was on the better side of OK.

I had my children in school full time and things were going OK.

But things have changed and i am a bit lost and confused about what to do now.

My 15 year old son had to leave school because he has severe Social Anxiety, as well as General Anxiety and Depression. He was referred to CAMHS who have told him that he has Aspergers.

He doesn't look after himself unless i am there almost constantly to encourage and remind him to eat, wash, and clean himself etc, as well as get out of bed in the mornings.

He also NEVER leaves the house, unless it's with me, and even then his anxiety makes it very difficult.

He doesn't sleep much at night, so i have had to reduce my hours significantly at work in order to help and support him.

Financially i am now struggling, although my son is finding things a little easier with me at home more often. But i cant afford to continue this I dont know what to do!

I have had to get rid of both of my workers, as i didnt have the time or energy to continue employing people, training them finding them clients etc, so now its just me and i work 16 hours a week.

My son is on a waiting list at CAMHS to see their Psychiatrist, and also has counselling fortnightly.

I just feel a bit low and exhausted and not sure what to do with life! He is such a lovely boy, but needs such a lot of support, encouragement and assistance to maintain his quality of life, and his physical wellness.

I am not sure what i was hoping for from this post, i guess just i want wanted to offload.

fierystormcloud

Cross post? You already posted this (in moneysaving mums.) When I did this, I got a short sharp comment from a poster saying 'do NOT cross post!'

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/68745266#Comment_68745266

Rummer

First of all massive hugs, what a lot you have to get your head around. It sounds as if you are doing an amazing job supporting your son. Long term thought some extra support would help make life easier for you all.

Do you have a local community support team that could visit your son during the day? Sometimes these options are available for short periods of time.

If he has received a diagnosis of Aspergers it may be worth looking at the societies website to see if they have advice on support available. They will also have online support groups and possibly real life support depending on where you live.

There is also a support thread on here that has a lot of valuable information and supportive posters.

Rummer

This is the support thread:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4890592

It has been a while since someone posted but there are bound to be people about if it appears on the front page.

WantToBeSE

Thanks Rummer, i will have a look at that thread He didnt want a diagnosis, and is happy with just being told that there is a reason why he feels so different.

Sorry, didnt mean to cross post just for the sake of it, i just thought it was more likely to get answers here.

As far as i know, there isnt a community support team here, and my son wouldnt be happy with someone coming into the house without me here (he doesnt answer the phone or door).

I was thinking about working nights in order to earn money and also be there during the day, but i simply cannot work nights and be awake to help my son during the day. Plus i cant leave his younger brother with him all night.

Rummer

If you have flexibility in your hours could you not balance your day so that you can be home for mealtimes/ visits. That way you can support him at key times of the day while still generating an income.

FBaby

If he is suffering from social phobia, I don't think being there for him 24/24 is going to help him in the long run. It might relieve the anxiety there and then, but by doing so, his state of anxiety without you is only going to get worse. You need to work with his support worker when he has one so that you establish a routine with him which means that he knows when you will be there and when you won't. It also important that he learns that you need to support his family and therefore he will need to work on his anxiety to accept that there will be time when he will be home alone.

Does he take any medication? Is he receiving no education at all?

WantToBeSE

Fbaby- he is getting an education, i am home educating.
How does he get a support worker?

He doesnt take any medication as he is still waiting to see the psych, who will work out what meds to put him on. At the moment, they are saying that the urgent thing is the sleeping problems.
The counsellor mentioned that it may be related to the Anxiety & Depression, so Anti-Depressants may be prescribed, as well as Melatonin.

Corelli

HUGS! I have a son on the spectrum with extremely severe anxiety disorder, so crippling that he often will not leave the house, or his 'safe place' ie bed. It's hard, I know, but I think my son is now in a better place than yours right now.

Financially, you don't need a diagnosis to claim DLA. Have a look at the Cerebra website for advice, talk over your situation with people who know you and your son, it's more than likely that ways you live your life to help him are so normal to you now that it easy to not realise they need to go down on the form. Be careful to specify all night time care and support you give your son as this is crucial for what level of the care component you get. http://w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/guides-for-parents/dla-guide/

For MH difficulties that affect his getting about, describe all that, about being unable to leave the house in the mobility section, it gets points for DLA. If you get awarded higher or middle rate care you will also be eligible for carer's allowance but you don't get that it you earn £110 a week (after taxes, care costs while you’re at work and 50% of what you pay into your pension) https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility

You do need to act quickly on this as he will no longer be eligible for a new claim once he is 16. AFAIK once a person reaches 16 a new claim has to be for PIP which is very hard to claim for on Mental Health and Neurological problems.

More hugs and empathy,

C x

Shen81

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Up until recently, life was going rather well.

O was employing 2 people (I own and run an Eco-friendly cleaning company) and i was working 3 days a week, and money was on the better side of OK.

I had my children in school full time and things were going OK.

But things have changed and i am a bit lost and confused about what to do now.

My 15 year old son had to leave school because he has severe Social Anxiety, as well as General Anxiety and Depression. He was referred to CAMHS who have told him that he has Aspergers.

He doesn't look after himself unless i am there almost constantly to encourage and remind him to eat, wash, and clean himself etc, as well as get out of bed in the mornings.

He also NEVER leaves the house, unless it's with me, and even then his anxiety makes it very difficult.

He doesn't sleep much at night, so i have had to reduce my hours significantly at work in order to help and support him.

Financially i am now struggling, although my son is finding things a little easier with me at home more often. But i cant afford to continue this I dont know what to do!

I have had to get rid of both of my workers, as i didnt have the time or energy to continue employing people, training them finding them clients etc, so now its just me and i work 16 hours a week.

My son is on a waiting list at CAMHS to see their Psychiatrist, and also has counselling fortnightly.

I just feel a bit low and exhausted and not sure what to do with life! He is such a lovely boy, but needs such a lot of support, encouragement and assistance to maintain his quality of life, and his physical wellness.

I am not sure what i was hoping for from this post, i guess just i want wanted to offload.

Has anyone suggested cognitive therapy for his social anxiety disorder? CAMHS are excellent but as you are on a waiting list you could speak to MIND who would be able to help you both in the meantime.

WantToBeSE

Corelli wrote: »

HUGS! I have a son on the spectrum with extremely severe anxiety disorder, so crippling that he often will not leave the house, or his 'safe place' ie bed. It's hard, I know, but I think my son is now in a better place than yours right now.

Financially, you don't need a diagnosis to claim DLA. Have a look at the Cerebra website for advice, talk over your situation with people who know you and your son, it's more than likely that ways you live your life to help him are so normal to you now that it easy to not realise they need to go down on the form. Be careful to specify all night time care and support you give your son as this is crucial for what level of the care component you get. http://w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/guides-for-parents/dla-guide/

For MH difficulties that affect his getting about, describe all that, about being unable to leave the house in the mobility section, it gets points for DLA. If you get awarded higher or middle rate care you will also be eligible for carer's allowance but you don't get that it you earn £110 a week (after taxes, care costs while you’re at work and 50% of what you pay into your pension) https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility

You do need to act quickly on this as he will no longer be eligible for a new claim once he is 16. AFAIK once a person reaches 16 a new claim has to be for PIP which is very hard to claim for on Mental Health and Neurological problems.

More hugs and empathy,

C x

Thanks C. I didn't realise that he could get DLA without a diagnosis. CAMHS gave him the choice of a diagnosis or not, and he chose not.
How do i get hold of the forms?

Shen81 wrote: »

Has anyone suggested cognitive therapy for his social anxiety disorder? CAMHS are excellent but as you are on a waiting list you could speak to MIND who would be able to help you both in the meantime.

Thanks Shen. At the moment, he is just having general therapy, as its traumatic enough to be in a room with someone alone. I do think they are working up towards CBT, but he has only had 3 sessions so far and is building up trust and confidence.