22 months to work, dig, tidy and declutter my way to debt freedom

peaceandfreedom

Feeling very bleeerrgghhh today and a bit down again but I've taken myself in hand a bit now .

I've been eating too much - so has half the country no doubt but I really need to stop. I think today has been the lowest ebb, I am determined to stop this now and whittle away a stone before Easter.

I also had some moments today of sadness about my life, the universe and everything. I am so unhappy in my marriage, OH drinks too much and is busy encouraging DS to do the same, with some success. Sometimes I just feel like leaving, setting up in a small cosy place by myself and to hell with everyone. That must sound awful but I've really had enough of being the only one that ever does anything around here. Really, if I said the division of labour was 95% me, 5% everyone else, I would be being generous to everyone else. My own fault I guess for putting up with it.

Anyway, despite that major whinge, I'm feeling a bit more upbeat now. Have been reading the Kondo thread and then Kondo'd some paperwork and am about to tackle a drawer. That always makes me feel better. I need to get back to decluttering generally, it always makes me feel better .

I'll be back soon, hopefully with some happier stuff to report.

jwil

Hope you are feeling better today P&F. Vent away, it's what your diary is for after all!

It's the same here with the division of labour - it's so frustrating sometimes!

Good luck with the decluttering. I need to join you on the weightloss, but I'm still busy decluttering Christmas chocolates at the moment

Moneywhizz

Haven't read all of your diary but I remember you commenting before about being unhappy with your marriage. If there isn't much hope of things improving maybe it is time to think about moving on. You are obviously in a good job and well able to support yourself and it seems to be you doing all the work as far as paying down the debt goes. It may be a scary thought to begin again on your own, but being in an unhappy marriage with no prospect of it changing is not a very good outlook long term. It's easy for others to say, of course, not knowing all your circumstances, but I would just say to think what you want for your future and begin making some plans for that to happen. Be good to yourself. Xx

peaceandfreedom

Moneywhizz, you are quite right. It's been on my mind for a long long time. What's kept me here all this time has been the children. The idea of splitting up the family, having the children being ferried from one house to another, and them being with their Dad without me there to keep an eye on things, no, I couldn't live with that. He is a loving father most of the time but at one time he had a very bad temper and always always always, drink comes before all other considerations.

What's upsetting me now is that DH seems determined to turn DS into another version of himself, and that is not a good thing. But I would have less influence if the family were split up. My poor DS is drifting in his own life, and has no motivation.

I am though mulling over what will happen in the next few years, to be honest. I can't see myself spending my twilight years with someone who makes me so unhappy. But there are so many things to consider - the house - it would break my heart to sell it, mutual friends (there are tons), money (I have no pension worth speaking of).

But I know now that I would rather be on my own in a tiny place with hardly any money than spend the rest of my life like this. There's just so much that needs to be sorted out first. And I can't face it, I can't face it at all yet. I know I will get the blame for any split - he is very good at appearing like such a nice guy. His public persona is so different to his home one .

Anyway, there you go, some days are good, some days not so good. I am working away in the background trying to save some money, pay off debts and generally keep everything ticking over. It's hard sometimes, to be honest but I don't know what else to do.

Moneywhizz

It is such a difficult situation to be in and no one can really advise you but I just hope in the end you can find a way to be happier with your life. It may still be a while before you make any major decisions but maybe there are some changes you can make in the meantime to make things more bearable for you and be the foundation for how you want to lead your life in the future. Maybe you can begin by not being everyone's servant and cut back on the amount of work you do in the house. Maybe you can also find some support in real life?

peaceandfreedom

Moneywhizz wrote: »

It is such a difficult situation to be in and no one can really advise you but I just hope in the end you can find a way to be happier with your life. It may still be a while before you make any major decisions but maybe there are some changes you can make in the meantime to make things more bearable for you and be the foundation for how you want to lead your life in the future. Maybe you can begin by not being everyone's servant and cut back on the amount of work you do in the house. Maybe you can also find some support in real life?

That's what I am trying to do - make changes along the way until I finally make some decisions and take some decisive action. There's so much that I can do without actually blowing the whole thing open.

You are absolutely right about not being everyone's servant, I've been meaning to sort something out for years. Sometimes, it's easier to just do things than to try and make other people do them, but at some point I have to come up with a fairer division of labour.

Or get a cleaner .

in_need_of_direction

That the others pay for!

supersaver1000

Just popped in to send some hugs x

Ps. Cleaner not a bad idea. Lady in the village has someone pop in fortnightly. Just takes the pressure off, even if it's for 6 months or so.

peaceandfreedom

Hi all - it's been a while, I know, I've become quite lazy lately at posting.

Not a whole lot to report really. Have got another small payrise at work, will come in useful but not enough to have a huge impact. I should be grateful, I know, because most people are not getting a payrise at all.

Financially, things are ticking along nicely. If the house was perfect, I wouldn't be too worried about things. But there is work that needs to be done around the house. A lot of it I can do myself relatively cheaply but some things require proper skilled people and large sums of cash. We will probably have to hang on for another year or so before we can do much about these things, and even then we'll have to save for a good while after that. I say 'we' - I mean 'me' of course.

I also need to start saving up for another car. My current one is rather old - it is doing well and has always been wonderfully reliable but it has maybe 2 or 3 years left at best. Will need quite a lot of money to replace it.

Still, let's not be negative. I am in control of my financial life for the first time ever. I just need to be more creative about earning more money .

On the decluttering side, I have cleared out both wardrobes in the bedroom, it all looks so good and it is so much easier to find things. Really need to do the attic and get stuck into the paperwork as well. And the photos, oh my goodness, there are so many photos. I'm going to leave those until almost last, it can take forever as each pack takes me back down memory lane

Off to try and salvage something from this very lazy Saturday .

brizzledfw

Lovely to see you posting P&F and so sorry that OH and the family are such a trial.

There are some resonances with my life currently..especially the impact of alcohol..I am fortunate though in that OH is beginning to realise that if he overindulges we all suffer and is being much more measured as a result. Its been a tough few months though. Interestingly, trying to get DF, then mortgage free, has also made him look at how much it costs...thats been a big improvement as well. He is also exercising more..he did a marathon last year, and it all helps.

I think decluttering helps too..makes for a clearer mind I always think. Well done. Do some more EBAying too..and maybe put it in a 'treats' pot for you.

An escape route in the form of a tiny cottage may be what you need to do...perhaps 5 years from now? Worth keeping in mind. Its your life after all.

xx