We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
We're 23 and my FIL has been living with us for a year

Princess12
Posts: 28 Forumite
Me and my fianc! are 23 years old.
For 12 months my farther in law has been living with us to work and to provide for his family.
Bearing in mind that we do only have a 1 bedroom flat and he lives in our living room/kitchen!!
We have also not had a single thank you, offer of any sort of rent AND I didn't even get a birthday present!
I have got to the END of my patience with this absolute rudeness and ignorance to us.
The only thing is for my partner this doesn't bother him he'd live with his dad for years and he wouldn't pay any attention but he does understand my opinion that I would like him GONE in the next two months. Whilst he's in my house he is not back home looking for a job. How long does he believe he can stay here?
How do I ask him to leave politely without mentioning any of these facts and the underlining problem of upsetting his the MIL.
I would like some advice on what to actually say to him?
Thank you
For 12 months my farther in law has been living with us to work and to provide for his family.
Bearing in mind that we do only have a 1 bedroom flat and he lives in our living room/kitchen!!
We have also not had a single thank you, offer of any sort of rent AND I didn't even get a birthday present!
I have got to the END of my patience with this absolute rudeness and ignorance to us.
The only thing is for my partner this doesn't bother him he'd live with his dad for years and he wouldn't pay any attention but he does understand my opinion that I would like him GONE in the next two months. Whilst he's in my house he is not back home looking for a job. How long does he believe he can stay here?
How do I ask him to leave politely without mentioning any of these facts and the underlining problem of upsetting his the MIL.
I would like some advice on what to actually say to him?
Thank you
0
Comments
-
Princess12 wrote: »Me and my partner are 23 years old, having been together for almost two years, we are engaged and are to get married in 18 months time.
Now my partner originally didn't ask me before inviting him into our home
Bearing in mind that we have a 1 bedroom flat and he lives in our living room/kitchen!!
We have also not had a single thank you, offer of any sort of rent AND I didn't even get a birthday present!
I have got to the END of my patience with this absolute rudeness and ignorance to us.
I know I'll be having the GET OUT conversation with his father pretty much by myself
Do you really want to spend your life with a man who brought a long stay guest into your home without asking you, hasn't done anything about asking for contributions from him and is now leaving you to have the difficult conversation about him leaving?
The man is his father, he brought him in the house, he should be standing by the love of his life and telling his Dad that's he's overstayed his welcome.0 -
If this isn't a wind-up from the start, and assuming its not -
I would be saying to your partner that he has to have the get out conversation with his Dad. The consequences of you doing so are unlikely to work out well, for any/all of you.0 -
No this is not a wind up. His intent and purpose was all right, he wanted to help his father provide for his mother and sibilings. I wouldn't have disagreed even if he did ask. It's also our own fault for not setting any conditions. Don't get me wrong I know he should be the one to do it and I can tell you WE will be having the conversation together but he's no more any good with wording things correctly and serious conversations as I am. I just don't know where to start and don't know how to put it politely basically?0
-
Princess12 wrote: »I just don't know where to start and don't know how to put it politely basically?
With someone whose skin is so thick that he has lived off you and taken up so much of your home for a year without thinking he's imposing on you, I'm not sure that polite is going to get you anywhere.
Try not to be rude but definitely be blunt.0 -
Princess12 wrote: »I just don't know where to start and don't know how to put it politely basically?
- You invited FIL in without consulting
- FIL has outstayed his welcome with me
- I am not going to be the one who speaks to FIL, you are
- If this is not sorted, it will be a straight choice between FIL and me.
0 -
Princess12 wrote: »No this is not a wind up. His intent and purpose was all right, he wanted to help his father provide for his mother and sibilings. I wouldn't have disagreed even if he did ask. It's also our own fault for not setting any conditions. Don't get me wrong I know he should be the one to do it and I can tell you WE will be having the conversation together but he's no more any good with wording things correctly and serious conversations as I am. I just don't know where to start and don't know how to put it politely basically?
Why can he not provide for his wife and children while living with them?? Has he come from abroad to find work maybe?0 -
No he lives a few hours away and couldn't find any work there but we can and easily found him a job where we are.0
-
I think you have been remarkably patient but I am afraid I would have been put out from the very start that your fianc! invited him to live with you without asking you first. That is disrespectful and worrying that he should not consider your feelings at all when you are considering marrying this man.
I would be speaking in no uncertain terms first to your fianc! to tell him enough is enough and you want his dad out by the end of this month. That should be enough time for him to find somewhere else to rent or move back home and look for a job there. If he cannot stand up to his parents then maybe he is not grown up enough to get married. I would then reinforce this by telling his Dad that the flat is not big enough. Presumably if you did not pay half the rent and bills your fianc! would not be able to afford it either so they will both be out of a home. Are you prepared to move out to resolve the situation if your fianc! continues to refuse to do anything about it?I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
Click on this link for a Statement of Accounts that can be posted on the DebtFree Wannabe board: https://lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php
The 365 Day 1p Challenge 2025 #1 £667.95/£451.50
Save £12k in 2025 #1 £12000/£124500 -
I would NOT have tolerated this for so long! In fact I would not have allowed him to come in the first place!
If I were you now, I would say to my partner 'either he goes or *I* go!' No way would I tolerate anyone living in my home, even if they were paying rent. My home is my sanctuary and I wouldn't want anyone invading it. Similarly, I would not want to be in anyone else's home either, and would rather live in a shed than live in someone else's home. I like my privacy waaaaaay too much.
Tell your partner to tell his dad to GET OUT. Put your foot down with him NOW or you will forever be a doormat!cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:0 -
Or just refuse to have sex as you are too uncomfortable to do so with your future FIL in the next room............... You should find this motivates your fiance somewhat to sort things outI Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.8K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 258.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards