Debt and Adoption

lemma1968

misspoppy wrote: »

Hi

just a little thing for you to think about, will one of you be expected to give up work for 6 months or so when the child/children arrive? if so you should have a plan as to how your will afford your repayments.

I hope it all goes well for you.

That's a good point - my best friend has adopted siblings and she gave up work for about 6 months whilst they settled in.

The usual process is this:
1. Home study then OKed by Panel for either a single child of a specific age range or sibling group (dependent on what you have requested).

2. Child/children are identified and the potential match is put to the adoption panel for confirmation.

3. If confirmed then introductions will start, days out, overnight stays etc

4. Placement with the adoptive family for a few months

5. Then Adoption Order made - this does not happen at the same time as Placement.

Again you need to check with your case worker if you will need to take some time off for parts 3 and 4. If so, it may well affect your finances so you should be ready for that.

In_Search_Of_Me

Ahh here's one I CAN help with because I am the assistant manager of an adoption team! When we look at adopters we look at the whole of their lives and want to be sure that adopters can offer children the love, security that they have previously missed as the majority of children have been removed from birth family due to abuse/neglect etc. Adoption is stressful and as you will know the process itself is long & stressful, even before a child is placed. The reason that finances are looked at is that we need to be sure that (a) there are no additional pressures on your relationship and (b) that a child is not going to be placed in a home where they are secure & safe & not one where they run the risk of being uprooted (ie by you being made homeless).
My advice (from the other side!) is that you are honest with your adoption worker. Yes this may mean that they suggest that you delay your application but you need to ask yourself whether you feel it is fair to a child to come into a stressful situation at a time of huge anxiety for you as it is. In terms of NOT telling the SSD, again from my side of the fence, it is incredibly damaging when we find out that someone has lied to us about anything because we place a huge trust in you in the process. Contrary to popular belief we care deeply about the children we deal with and therefore haveto trust the adopters with whom we place children. We dont expect people to be perfect but we do expect them to be honest & it is nigh on impossible to support couples (which is what we want to do!!) who refuse to be honest for fear of being rejected. If we dont know circumstances we cant advise/support!
If people are rejected or delayed it is not without VERY good reason and with the child's needs first. I fully apreciate that this is hard for prospective adopters because this may mean delay & disappointment. Please be open and honest with your adopion worker; if they find out later then you will be scuppered! Also some are now asking for evidence such as bank statements (because of people not being honest with us) and it would be hard to avoid then. In addition when you sign your Form F (assessment report) you are completing a contract & saying that the information is accurate & if it isnt & that then comes out later...In terms of adoption leave one person would be expected to take 6 months usually but this will depend. If someone said they wouldnt then there would be a concern as adopted children will have at least 2 moves (from home to foster care & foster care to adoptive placement) so will usually have some issues wth separation/loss/attachment and will need time to settle & bond with you.
I hope that helps? It may not be what you want to hear but I hope helps with the dilemma? Please feel free to pm me if you would like some private advice or have questions! Let us know how you get on, either way!

lemma1968

FF-69, fabulous advice. I deal with the court side of things - dealing with Care and Placement Orders. I always think that the Fostering and Adoption Teams have such a hard job, and when I see "Be My Parent" my heart breaks in two.

From dealing with these families and children through the Care Proceedings I can fully understand where you are coming from. The level of disruption and loss that these children have already gone through is immense and when they are also removed from their foster parents with whom they have created attachments....well, it all needs careful handling.

I can also see why prospective adopters would be scared by the process though and the level of intrusion. But I agree that financial honesty is the key here. TRUST is so important in this process.:A

pandaonmyshoulder

I was adopted in the 60s and although my adoptive parents didn't have much money I had a loving home. The whole adoption thing makes my blood boil:mad: Yes every family would love to have "financial security" but is it realistic in this day and age to make that a requirement for adoption? Children need a stable home and love much more than money?

A friend of mine (and her husband) have been refused adoption as my friend who is self employed would not give up her work, however her husband who is a nurse would. But no, not good enough and so they remain childless. A far as I can see a child in care has been denied a loving home which incidentally is very financially secure oh and did I forget to mention my friend was a adopted too!

Jillinoz

I just wanted to echo my support to Sadandembarrassed, particularly as I too am going through the process of adoption (as a single adopter). Thanks also to Lemma and Fishface for your invaluable help and information: it's a tortuous process, but I remain convinced that the results will be worth it.

It's so true that adotption is a gift.

lemma1968

pandaonmyshoulder wrote: »

I was adopted in the 60s and although my adoptive parents didn't have much money I had a loving home. The whole adoption thing makes my blood boil:mad: Yes every family would love to have "financial security" but is it realistic in this day and age to make that a requirement for adoption? Children need a stable home and love much more than money?

A friend of mine (and her husband) have been refused adoption as my friend who is self employed would not give up her work, however her husband who is a nurse would. But no, not good enough and so they remain childless. A far as I can see a child in care has been denied a loving home which incidentally is very financially secure oh and did I forget to mention my friend was a adopted too!

It's a matter of degree I suppose. Finances are relevant if it could mean charging orders, eviction, CCJ's , bailiffs, debt collectors etc etc anything that may impact upon the stability and security for these children who have already been through so, so much already.

My brother is adopted, my parents were far from wealthy and I now work on the legal side of this. It may mean that some fabulous people fall through the cracks, and that saddens me - but where do you draw the line?

Difficult decisions are being made to protect the interests of some already damaged children.

Blueyes_3

We adopted siblings 14 years ago and we didn't have much money only a lot of love to give and I wanted time to stay at home to give my children the best chance of bonding and growing after the start in life they had already been dealt with, so we applied for a weekly adoption allowance to be paid by the local authority are application was successful I don't know if any authorities have this funding available now but its worth asking.

In_Search_Of_Me

Just to answer panda's comments I think you have to look at the changes that have taken place in society and the reasons children are being adopted. The vast majority of children are adopted because they have been abused and neglected and this impacts on them and their ability to develop attachments. It's not like it was in the 60's (thank goodness) where assessments of adopters were limited to say the least and training for adopters non-existant. Yes some adopted children had fabulous lives and some did not & the pieces continue to be picked up now. Children have a right to their history an to know where they come from and who they are & this can be VERY hard for adopters to deal with, as can their behaviour. We do what we can to support adopters BUT we will not compromise the needs of already damaged and hurt children because it is inconvenient for psospective adopters & I make no apology for this. Children have been through enough as it is. Adopters are able to make reasoned decisions, children are not!
Adoption is a lifelong journey for ALL (including birth family) & all involved need support throughout their lives & I consider it a priveledge and joy to work with the people I come into contact with. We dont expect people to be loaded (some are on benefits) but we need to be realistic here about the impact of debt and I know myself how stressful that this can be! Finances are one part of the process, not the only one. You also need to remember that people will not necessarily tell you the whole truth behind why they have been rejected!
In terms of adoption allowances they are only paid in certain circumstances (siblings, children with special needs & hard to place children & there are criteria/assessments to be adhered to to get one which will vary depending on which authority you are with.
Sadandembarassed I hope you are OK have managed to resolve this for yourself! Big hugs for you! Jilli good luck with your application!

p00pieb0tt0m

I am sure my company offers 'adoption leave' quite similar to maternity leave. Perhaps ask your HR dept.

hitback

We were told yesterday we are unable to have children, so still very tearful and down about things. We have already made enquiries regarding fostering and adoption. We started our DMP in Sept last year and I was really worried that we would not be able to go through if we deceided to adopt due to financial instability.

The advice on this thread has really helped us at this very low time. I wish you every success with the adoption, and please keep us posted on how this goes.

It's still early days for us, but one way or another we will have the sound of children in our home!