Please help me get out of this vicious circle

Goldiegirl

Why not cancel Sky altogether, there's more than enough to watch on Freeview.

That'll save you £53.

Edit - sorry didn't see Betty's post. great minds think alike!

gfplux

Looking to the future.....
On your present income level Sky TV is a super, super delux luxury. You should cancel and never, ever pay for Sky or BT again.
You can do this but you have to decide what are your luxurys. Remember also try define luxury as something you buy with SPARE cash.
Good luck

Willowpop

Just a quick note, you've nothing to lose by calling your mobile phone company and saying you're struggling and can you change to a cheaper tariff for the rest of your contract. They can only say no at worst case, or you might be lucky and catch a break with them.

Also, if you cancel sky and don't want to go totally cold turkey the now tv is worth looking at. They do a free trial, the boxes cost around a tenner in argos at the mo, they are half price and come with either entertainment passes or movie passes. We got rid of our sky movies subscription and now take movies from now tv (same movies as on 'normal' sky) for much much less, and this means we can still have a luxury, but for much much cheaper. Of course it wouldn't kill us to not have them, but we don't go out in the eves so this is our one thing we keep that we don't 'need'.

Pixie5740

LoisLane16 wrote: »

I think he will be supportive eventually, but I know he's going to be so upset and disappointed in me. That's by far the hardest part.... I definitely need a plan of attack, but I think I'm just in panic mode right now!

Your husband can't expect the household to carry on as it was when he is bringing in £500 a month less than he was before. I don't care how crap he is with numbers that's just basic common sense.

If your husband is upset and disappointed with you then he should stop shirking his responsibilities for the family finances and get involved. If he has a bad memory then a little notebook and pen will help him keep track of his spending.

Setting up a spreadsheet for your budget could also help get him involved or using budgeting software like YNAB.

Teacher2

Your husband needs to take some responsibility in this financial crisis and you need to start from scratch together. Go to W.H. Smith's and buy their invoice book ( a paperback called the Triple Entry Ledger Account Book.) Then sit down together and physically write down all of your income and outgoings so that you know exactly where you are at any one time. You will need to update it every day until you get a grip over your finances and then you can switch to weekly. Do this weekly check together.

Once you see where you are and where the money is going you will know what expenses can be brought down (food, presents, lunches, entertainment, phones etc.)

Also get the children on board by telling them you will all need to retrench for a while. Give them a budget for presents and get them to save their own money for things they want.

With your accounts book you will need to put money away for upcoming bills. Run a 'standing orders and household bills' account in the front of the book. Write down everything you have to pay regularly for that month, e.g. council tax, utilities, car bills etc. For example, if you have to pay a particular bill or buy a certain product, work out what it costs over the year, add it up and divide by 12 and then record that in the monthly standing orders. Leave that amount untouched in your current account and pay the bills as they come. On NO account touch the bills' fund except for paying bills.

So, on payday you put your salaries into the account book, let's say that's £3000. Then you look at the TOTAL sum for upcoming standing orders and bills, say, £2000, take one from the other so you are left with £1000. Then £1000 is the actual sum you have that is disposable. You can ONLY spend that.

At first you'll have to factor in debt repayments but as you start to get clear of debts you will have more disposable income. Save it in an ISA for an emergency fund (don't forget to record the monthly saving in the standing order and bills' fund!)

At the same time as you get an accurate record of your spending for the first time and the WHOLE FAMILY is on board with the savings' plan you can start to take expenses out of your spending. The thrift board on the MSN site is good for ideas but also look at the Mortgage Free Wannabe site as it's full of extremely savvy savers who are inspirational in their determination to get bang for their buck and have good ideas for how to do so.

Some ideas to get you started:-
-make, don't buy lunches
-have (low)spending limits for presents
-don't buy presents for the OH, nor he for you. Solvency is the best gift ever.
-'drop a brand' in all of your shopping
-don't ever pay for car parks. Go to free supermarkets and use theirs
-don't go to shops at all. It's just temptation
-join the National Trust as a family and enjoy 'free' days out every week (get relatives to club together and buy the membership for Christmas/birthday)
-use vouchers but only when you need the product
-Tesco Clubcard for days out and cheap meals out for treats
-picnics, walking, cycling, reading (from free library books) are all cheap pleasures
-no brands for the kids. Be firm. Explain you can't afford it
-do a house swap holiday or borrow a friend's house for a vacation

And so on.

Basically, the message is that you have to be 'on this' all the time. You can't afford (literally) to forget your financial woes for a day. However, the upside is that the feeling of autonomy, control and liberation that being debt free will offer will totally change your lives.

Best of luck!

Purplesky_2

you've had a lot of great advice, and I'd say that cancelling the sky, renegotiating your mobiles and reducing your grocery bills is definitely what you need to be on a razor thin edge for your finances.

What you need to look at doing is making some other money to start attacking your principal debt. Could one or both of you get an evening job ushering at a theatre/working at a bar/pub, could one or both of you start selling some things via ebay/craigslist/gumtree? You can get money for books, CDs, DVDs, old mobiles, and sometimes other electrical goods. Get a price online and have a scamper round the second hand DVD shops to see if you can beat it? Go through old jewellery and see what you can sell? Could either of you tutor on the side and are you looking at cashback sites (for things like supermarket shopping/changing car insurance/home insurance/energy tariff etc)? You can (and should) respond by reducing your outgoings, but you can also increase your income too, as a temporary measure to reduce the load of your debt!

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi, I am a bit short of time so its a quick post. Your story resonates with me. For a long time I just didnt get the fact that we couldnt afford the lifestyle we had. You cant spend what you think you have or buy what you think you deserve - you have got to live within your means.

I also have a hubby who doesnt relate to money very well and leaves it to me.

At some point the penny dropped with me and I think what really helped was keeping proper records of my finances. You have got to have some way of recording what comes in, what goes out and what is left every month. Seeing it in black and white makes it real.

I hate to be critical but you have been spending £50 a month on takeaways when you know deep down you are in a mess. I understand this so well because I used to do things like this too. Its got to change.

LoisLane16

Wow, so much fantastic advice here, thanks so much to each and every one of you! I am going to go out and get myself a pad, dedicated to our finances. Although I'm not quite sure how those triple entry pads work? I also think I might print off 3 months worth of statements, and see what they show. Also, we are doing a junk-free July challenge, so I think that'll help hugely in terms of getting back into the habit of not buying lunches, takeaways etc. I love to cook so am really looking forward to cooking lots!

Teacher2 wrote: »

Your husband needs to take some responsibility in this financial crisis and you need to start from scratch together. Go to W.H. Smith's and buy their invoice book ( a paperback called the Triple Entry Ledger Account Book.) Then sit down together and physically write down all of your income and outgoings so that you know exactly where you are at any one time. You will need to update it every day until you get a grip over your finances and then you can switch to weekly. Do this weekly check together.

Once you see where you are and where the money is going you will know what expenses can be brought down (food, presents, lunches, entertainment, phones etc.)

Also get the children on board by telling them you will all need to retrench for a while. Give them a budget for presents and get them to save their own money for things they want.

With your accounts book you will need to put money away for upcoming bills. Run a 'standing orders and household bills' account in the front of the book. Write down everything you have to pay regularly for that month, e.g. council tax, utilities, car bills etc. For example, if you have to pay a particular bill or buy a certain product, work out what it costs over the year, add it up and divide by 12 and then record that in the monthly standing orders. Leave that amount untouched in your current account and pay the bills as they come. On NO account touch the bills' fund except for paying bills.

So, on payday you put your salaries into the account book, let's say that's £3000. Then you look at the TOTAL sum for upcoming standing orders and bills, say, £2000, take one from the other so you are left with £1000. Then £1000 is the actual sum you have that is disposable. You can ONLY spend that.

At first you'll have to factor in debt repayments but as you start to get clear of debts you will have more disposable income. Save it in an ISA for an emergency fund (don't forget to record the monthly saving in the standing order and bills' fund!)

At the same time as you get an accurate record of your spending for the first time and the WHOLE FAMILY is on board with the savings' plan you can start to take expenses out of your spending. The thrift board on the MSN site is good for ideas but also look at the Mortgage Free Wannabe site as it's full of extremely savvy savers who are inspirational in their determination to get bang for their buck and have good ideas for how to do so.

Some ideas to get you started:-
-make, don't buy lunches
-have (low)spending limits for presents
-don't buy presents for the OH, nor he for you. Solvency is the best gift ever.
-'drop a brand' in all of your shopping
-don't ever pay for car parks. Go to free supermarkets and use theirs
-don't go to shops at all. It's just temptation
-join the National Trust as a family and enjoy 'free' days out every week (get relatives to club together and buy the membership for Christmas/birthday)
-use vouchers but only when you need the product
-Tesco Clubcard for days out and cheap meals out for treats
-picnics, walking, cycling, reading (from free library books) are all cheap pleasures
-no brands for the kids. Be firm. Explain you can't afford it
-do a house swap holiday or borrow a friend's house for a vacation

And so on.

Basically, the message is that you have to be 'on this' all the time. You can't afford (literally) to forget your financial woes for a day. However, the upside is that the feeling of autonomy, control and liberation that being debt free will offer will totally change your lives.

Best of luck!

This is amazing Teacher, thank you so much! So many excellent ideas that I wouldn't have thought of :T

Purplesky wrote: »

you've had a lot of great advice, and I'd say that cancelling the sky, renegotiating your mobiles and reducing your grocery bills is definitely what you need to be on a razor thin edge for your finances.

What you need to look at doing is making some other money to start attacking your principal debt. Could one or both of you get an evening job ushering at a theatre/working at a bar/pub, could one or both of you start selling some things via ebay/craigslist/gumtree? You can get money for books, CDs, DVDs, old mobiles, and sometimes other electrical goods. Get a price online and have a scamper round the second hand DVD shops to see if you can beat it? Go through old jewellery and see what you can sell? Could either of you tutor on the side and are you looking at cashback sites (for things like supermarket shopping/changing car insurance/home insurance/energy tariff etc)? You can (and should) respond by reducing your outgoings, but you can also increase your income too, as a temporary measure to reduce the load of your debt!

Thanks Purplesky - I have been gathering things to ebay, so will crack on with that, and we have loads of old DVDs & books hanging around, I didn't think they were worth anything, so I'll see what I can get for those :T

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

Hi, I am a bit short of time so its a quick post. Your story resonates with me. For a long time I just didnt get the fact that we couldnt afford the lifestyle we had. You cant spend what you think you have or buy what you think you deserve - you have got to live within your means.

I also have a hubby who doesnt relate to money very well and leaves it to me.

At some point the penny dropped with me and I think what really helped was keeping proper records of my finances. You have got to have some way of recording what comes in, what goes out and what is left every month. Seeing it in black and white makes it real.

I hate to be critical but you have been spending £50 a month on takeaways when you know deep down you are in a mess. I understand this so well because I used to do things like this too. Its got to change.

Thanks YL, it's great to hear from others who have been where we are and are out of the other side. And yes, you are absolutely right, the takeaways just show how much of an ostrich I've been I cannot wait to get this mess sorted. Off to read, digest and plan!

LoisLane16

Pixie5740 wrote: »

Your husband can't expect the household to carry on as it was when he is bringing in £500 a month less than he was before. I don't care how crap he is with numbers that's just basic common sense.

If your husband is upset and disappointed with you then he should stop shirking his responsibilities for the family finances and get involved. If he has a bad memory then a little notebook and pen will help him keep track of his spending.

Setting up a spreadsheet for your budget could also help get him involved or using budgeting software like YNAB.

You are all so right. He does need to take responsibility. All of this debt has accrued through both of us living beyond our means. I have considered not telling him & trying to get out of this on my own, but that won't achieve anything I don't think. We both have lessons to learn.

Having said that, he only spends if I tell him we can, so it has largely been hidden by me I guess when it got to £1k, I thought I could sort it, and £2k, and so on. But if he knows I cannot cope with it on my own, I have no doubt that he will be totally on board with me (once over the initial shock), he is so supportive & a great communicator. Now I've just got to find the right time..... :eek: And also the right tools to help us - I have looked at YNAB, but it says something about costing $60, is that right?

YORKSHIRELASS

Well done, you sound so motivated! I just wanted to add something positive. I feel so much better knowing what I can and cant afford. It probably makes me sound really shallow but I used to worry about having to go without, especially when it comes to the kids.

A lot of stuff that I no longer buy I dont miss. I manage my money a lot better so can buy things that I actually need. My kids have all the same gadgets, sports kit and clothes as their mates - but theirs are either bought second hand, saved up for or bought as presents.

We have several camping breaks every year and I enjoy these knowing that we have a budget that we can stick to. No more niggling doubts that we are spending money that we dont really have.

The more you do it the easier it gets! Keep reading and posting on here too. It really helps.