Child Support Amount

happilydivorcedagain

FBaby wrote: »

What's most important is that you build some sort of relationship that means the best not for either you nor him but your child. At the moment, your child feels like your belonging and he probably sees it like that too. However, a new human being is going to be born with their own needs that might be different to either yours or his dad.

That means that you and his dad might at times need to do things that you don't agree with because it is best for the baby. That might mean his father having to contribute a bit more as much as it could mean you accepting that that baby needs to be build a relationship with his father.

Bonding is a very important stage of learning what it is to be a parent and to become the parent any child deserves. It is hard enough for men who only get to see their baby in the evenings/week-ends in their normal environment when they have control of what they do with their baby, let alone for a man who only gets to see their baby a couple of hours there and then, not being given the chance to take part in the activities that normal parents would do, and always under the control of the mother, especially a lad with no experience before.

I can only advise that for the sake of your baby, you do everything to can to support your ex through that process of bonding with his child so they can build a strong and lasting relationship that will give the best chance for your child to grow into an emotional secure child regardless of the fact that his parents have never been together since his birth.

It is still early in my pregnancy but that is what I want, it really is. I'm putting aside my feelings for our childs sake. I feel like I've had no support at all, he has ignored me while I have been in hospital bleeding, I called, text, did everything and its as much as he can do to text me back with a one word answer. I can honestly say I really am trying the best I can.

It does worry me that if this is his attitude now, will he even be a stable fixture in my babies life? It sometimes honestly feels like he'd be happier if I had of had a miscarriage. I don't care if he doesn't care about my health but he should care about his child. I'm getting more support from male friends than him.

It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me and I could cry because our baby deserves so much love. This baby was never meant to happen, obviously it was not planned but I have fertility issues and it really is a miracle

Sorry for the rant but I am trying so hard to make him apart of this and he just seems so uninterested. Thank you for listening

duchy

If you are unable to work due to health reasons is DLA/PIP not in place too ?

happilydivorcedagain

duchy wrote: »

If you are unable to work due to health reasons is DLA/PIP not in place too ?

We have DLA here. I have been trying for 5 years unsuccessfully, I got as far as getting to a medical stage the last time and failed. I was going to try once again for DLA but I'm unsure if I can as I'm pregnant. I will ring the help line tomorrow and find out. Thank you, I really appreciate the kindness of total strangers as I'm feeling very alone at the moment

theoretica

£200 upfront and then a year of £30 payments rather than £46 comes to much the same thing after a year, but do leave scope for increases in future.

Remember car seat - you probably have, but it wasn't on your list and I gather you need one to take the baby home from hospital.

FBaby

It does worry me that if this is his attitude now, will he even be a stable fixture in my babies life? It sometimes honestly feels like he'd be happier if I had of had a miscarriage. I don't care if he doesn't care about my health but he should care about his child. I'm getting more support from male friends than him.

Was the child planned? Assuming it wasn't (or at least that he wouldn't say it wasn't on his part), the way he is going to perceive this pregnancy is very different to you. You say that you think he would be happier if you miscarried, which clearly is not how you feel. He is therefore in a totally different mental and psychological position than you and it is unfair on him to expect to already consider himself a father to your unborn child. Remember that he also isn't experiencing any of the physical attributes that reminds you of what is about to happen.

Most fathers in this position don't come to terms with it all until they hold the baby in their arms. Yes, a mature, caring and responsible man probably would, but if he was all this, wouldn't you still be with him?


What I am trying to say is that it much much too soon to be able to judge what kind of dad he is likely to become. There will be many ups and downs, and you owe your child to give a chance, not one based on what you think/want him to do, but what is reasonable. I don't think expecting him to care for your health and that of a baby who is nothing more than a foetus to him and that he isn't even sure wants to turn into a baby is reasonable, especially in light of your recent separation, whoever initiated it.

happilydivorcedagain

Thank you, everyone. FBaby I have taken everything you have said in

Homeownertobe

happilydivorcedagain wrote: »

Unfortunately with my medical conditions I can't see that happening. Whilst I would have adored to go back to employment, as I worked since I left school up until a couple of years ago, any employed would see I was a hard worker but unreliable because of medical stuff that I have going on.

That is not to say in the future, if I can be at a good level within my health, I would be back at work straight away.

I think you should make him aware of how much the CSA expects him to pay as a minimum and leave it to him to offer an amount. If he's got anything about him then he'll at least give you that. If not, then you can use the CSA at least.

Remember, the money is for your baby, not you, so don't feel like you're taking his money for yourself.

Gigglepig

OP i would try to invite him to come along to ultrasound appointments for bonding. If there are free NHS men's antenatal classes in your area I would pass on that info as well, they may improve his confidence looking after the baby. Your midwife will know.

The calculator is just the legal minimum ... Now in my opinion decent parents will not aim for doing the least they can but try to do the best they can for their children, whether married or not. However if the child is not wanted or planned on his part realistically it might be difficult to get him to contribute financially or practically more than he is legally forced to.

Do you know his family? Would it be possible to include/invite grandparents and aunts/uncles as well, as much as Possible.

Early days yet but even if you breastfeed it might be an option later on to express for a meal. Might give you a much needed break as well.

happilydivorcedagain

Thank you. I have a feeling he is questioning paternity, there is no way it could be anyone else, no way. I have asked him and he will not give me an answer.

I am going to speak with my Solicitor tomorrow about this. I have no experience of things like this at all, apart from watching Jeremy Kyle!

Gigglepig

On a practical note you might not need a two bed flat for a good while yet. If you don't mind hassle of moving again, perhaps a one bed flat would do for at least the first year? it is convenient to have the baby next to your bed rather than in a separate room when woken up at night

Eta-iven that he is a reluctant father I would not bank on him paying child support but rather plan for the worst (be financially self sufficient). And you don't want to be in financial difficulty should his income drop. (This is my personal view, personally no way I'd have a child unless I knew I could support it on my own and had savings etc)