Mates rivalry

wiseguy80

Hi,
To all the good people, I need some advice please. I am an immigrant and moved to UK about 15 years ago. There were a 4 mates from my university who moved at the same time or a bit later and we became really fast friends. Shared everything and got advise on all matters of interest.

Over the last few years, I have felt that there is a certain rivalry that has kicked in amongst us. Doesn't help when our spouces give example of other mates and all but this has come to a point where I feel that I now feel hesitant to tell anything exciting or good with the fear of receiving negative comments. A few times I asked advised and was told against something only to find out the person giving advise doing the same thing.

These are the only people I know, so really puzzled how to handle it. Should I try to move on and find a new circle of friends?

Alikay

Some friendship groups are very competitive like that - there's usually a couple of "alpha males" who drive it, but women can be just as bad! There's no need to drop the friends, but maybe take steps to forming new (more relaxed and mutually supportive) friendships outside the group?

justme111

I will be blunt - if in 15 years those are still the only people you know no behaviour will be good as starting position is unhealthy. Other than that -advice above sums it up.

Stevie_Palimo

I would suggest you look at making some new friends as well and split time between them, Rivalry will always rear its ugly head at times and not much you can do bar rise above it.

Mojisola

wiseguy80 wrote: »

this has come to a point where I feel that I now feel hesitant to tell anything exciting or good with the fear of receiving negative comments.

Real friends will be happy for you when something good happens in your life even if things aren't going so well for them at the time.

If you can't share good news with these people because of their negative comments, get out and make some new friends.

You could still meet up with the old friends but not share news with them quite so much.

wiseguy80

Thanks all. I have come to the same conclusion myself. Look out to meet some new people. Will keep in touch with the current lot but not to such an extent.