Help Available For Son At Night

Scarla

I hate asking these questions but am really struggling. My son has a disability that means he has frequent 'accidents' during the night, so needs showering and changing, also the bed needs also changing.

Previously had two parents at home who worked it out between them, now only one.

It's hard, he is a big lad and I have to get him down a small flight of stairs to the bathroom, then change the bed, ensure son is clean and dry and then back to bed and there is only me, I work 30 hours and I need some help as I can't go on with so little sleep. He isn't fully aware of whats happening and gets angry. I have to get up approx 6 times a night to check if has had an accident, which 2-3 prove it's happened. He has been given medication from GP but refuses point blank to take it.

So I wondered if I could pay someone to help, even if just for a couple of hours a couple of days a week. Son receives DLA Lower Rate Mobility and Higher rate care. and I save half of it for him and use the rest for private speech therapy, maths tuition and swimming lessons, so paying for help during the night will be difficult, but it's something I need to do.

I am not being selfish and am willing to pay for the right help though I cannot provide a bed so not sure if this will make a difference.

I am not sure where I look for this kind of help, so any advice would be most welcome.

[Deleted User]

Could you try a local domiciliary company that has a good presence (yes they are associated with the elderly but they can have their uses) and they might well be able to point in the right direction and how you need get a referral - your post reminds me of times gone by, hope things start to be better, what I mean is you need to look after yourself as much as your son xx

merlin68

You can apply for a direct payment from social services. My friends severely disabled son gets about 30k a year. Agency carers all night wouldn't be cheap. I don't think there would be enough out of his dla to pay for them every night.
I'd also be wary about saving more than 6k out of his dla as if he ever needs to claim benefits, he will be over the limit.
If his over 16 and finished school you can claim esa for him.

midnight_express

Contact social services.

tomtontom

DLA is not for saving or maths lessons, it is for care needs. Use the money to get yourself some help.

You say your son won't take his meds, is this due to his condition or just being a teenager? If the latter, have you tried *not* checking on him and seeing what he does? Obviously if his bed wetting and behaviour is part of his disability then I wouldn't suggest this route, but is it possible he's letting himself get in this state because he knows you'll come running?

t0rt0ise

You shouldn't be getting up 6 times a night. You need some advice about incontinence aids that are available so that you don't need to change him all night. Your GP should be able to refer you on to an incontinence nurse who can advise.


What does your son do in the day when you are work?

pmlindyloo

There is some very useful advice with contact information in this link:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/pages/caring-for-a-disabled-child-tips.aspx

kingfisherblue

My son was doubly incontinent until he was 16, when finally everything clicked. He wore pull ups, provided by the NHS and delivered to our house on a regular basis. When he had accidents overnight, I changed his pull up and cleaned him, then put old towels on his bed until morning. This meant that he wasn't sleeping in a wet bed, but I didn't need to change the sheets during the night. As a result, he was disturbed to a lesser degree and was able to settle again more easily. The sheets were then washed and changed the following morning.

With continence pads, he is unlikely to soak his bed every night. For e times he does need to be changed, instead of going downstairs to the bathroom, use baby wipes. The continence nurse should be able to provide you with an alarm to tell you when he has urinated. This should help to reduce the amount of times you get up in the night (and using continence pads should mean that you don't need to get up every time).

Go back to your GP, with your son, and explain that he won't take the medication. The GP might be able to persuade him - teens will sometimes listen to doctors when they ignore their parents! Alternative
Y, see of there is another option for his meds - can it be given as liquid instead of tablet form, or can it be added to food or drink?