Counselling, what a rip off!!

Mrs_A_4

I went to Relate recently. MAJOR financial problems were a linked part of the problem. I was so desperate for help that I explained the situation and was told the policy was not to refuse anybody help, but to pay what you can afford. As such, I somehow managed to pay £5 a session. Doesn't sound much but at the time even that was a struggle:o.
To be fair, I felt quite guilty that I couldn't pay the full whack, and promised mentally that if I ever won the Lottery I would make them a HUGE donation.
For me, Relate were BRILLIANT. My counsellor had the knack of getting to the root of the problem, even if I couldn't see it myself. She picked out things that were important to me and made me feel like I could cope in a pretty horrendous (at the time) situation. Luckily, things are much better now.:T
If you REALLY can't afford the £40, ask specifically if you can come to an arrangement. If you can pay it, do.

gundo

eira wrote: »

£40 is the going rate. I went to Relate but you could hear ,never mind feel, the gaps in the counsellor's training .

My experience some 3 years ago was the same. We did 5 sessions at 1p per second! In fact when the counsellor was late arriving a couple of times (by 10 mins or so) we got 50 mins or less instead :mad:. Needless to say when we were late (we were both working and the latest appointment we could get was 4.00pm so it was hard getting away from work on time) that time was knocked off too (our employers wouldn't give us time off to attend the sessions, so we had to try and finish early).

Counsellor was useless and came out with some unbelievable statements that left us both gobsmacked at her ignorance. She said contradictory things depending on which session it was. She came up with no practical advice and veered between "you should break up" and "you should stay together".

Utterly worthless and awful experience which resolved nothing.

Sadly I came to view the experience as money for old rope for the counsellor.

I have had individual counselling both before and since that was far better. But on the whole my experience of counselling is that it doesn't perform miracles and my view is that you can probably work it out on your own anyway. You're essentially paying someone to be your friend but unlike a friend, once time's up or your money runs dry they're outta there.

patwa_2

I've always rather respected councillors. These are people that don't have to do what they do. They choose to do it. these are people that must spend day after day, putting all personal emotion aside, giving (hopefully) their all to help total strangers with their problems, often those problems come with a lot of emotional baggage. Then, they have to go home and live their own lives, putting aside the stress and trauma that they've shared with their clients, not even able to tell anyone due to confidentiality and often getting stressed and depressed themselves.

Anyone that's prepared to go through that deserves respect. Most of us have the luxury to vent about how we feel, loved ones, friends, etc. Councillors can't do that. they need to deal with any anger, grief or sorrow they may have empathised with their clients themselves. I'd be interested to see how many councillors have children of their own and how they separate their personal and professional lives, given that to all intents and purposes they're job is under a clause of secrecy.

H.

alant1000

Personally i think that the OP shouldn't consider councelling until they are comfortable with the fact that they offer a service designed to help, and not rip you off. A councellors role is to gain your trust and help you, and act as an "anonymous" listener without the biased opinion of those who know you, and if you are sat opposite one convinced that he or she is just trying to rip you off, there is no trust there and hence the client / councellor relationship wont work. The client will find it very hard to open up to the councellor if at the back of the clients mind there is resentment about the fees.

mae

gundo wrote: »

My experience some 3 years ago was the same. We did 5 sessions at 1p per second! In fact when the counsellor was late arriving a couple of times (by 10 mins or so) we got 50 mins or less instead :mad:. Needless to say when we were late (we were both working and the latest appointment we could get was 4.00pm so it was hard getting away from work on time) that time was knocked off too (our employers wouldn't give us time off to attend the sessions, so we had to try and finish early).

Counsellor was useless and came out with some unbelievable statements that left us both gobsmacked at her ignorance. She said contradictory things depending on which session it was. She came up with no practical advice and veered between "you should break up" and "you should stay together".

Utterly worthless and awful experience which resolved nothing.

Sadly I came to view the experience as money for old rope for the counsellor.

I have had individual counselling both before and since that was far better. But on the whole my experience of counselling is that it doesn't perform miracles and my view is that you can probably work it out on your own anyway. You're essentially paying someone to be your friend but unlike a friend, once time's up or your money runs dry they're outta there.

I'm sorry that this has been your experience and I am glad that you feel you could have worked it out yourself anyway however I think it is a little niave of you to think everyone is the same, some people definately cannot work things out for themselves, maybe they have no family or friends to talk to or maybe they do and would prefer to keep it private or maybe their friends are hopeless listeners and give advice based on their own agendas. There are many reasons people need to go to counsellors and to say they could work it out themselves is a very sweping statement. If only life was so simple.

mae

patwa wrote: »

I've always rather respected councillors. These are people that don't have to do what they do. They choose to do it. these are people that must spend day after day, putting all personal emotion aside, giving (hopefully) their all to help total strangers with their problems, often those problems come with a lot of emotional baggage. Then, they have to go home and live their own lives, putting aside the stress and trauma that they've shared with their clients, not even able to tell anyone due to confidentiality and often getting stressed and depressed themselves.

Anyone that's prepared to go through that deserves respect. Most of us have the luxury to vent about how we feel, loved ones, friends, etc. Councillors can't do that. they need to deal with any anger, grief or sorrow they may have empathised with their clients themselves. I'd be interested to see how many councillors have children of their own and how they separate their personal and professional lives, given that to all intents and purposes they're job is under a clause of secrecy.

H.

That is a very thoughtful post and shows a real respect. As I have said before I am a newly qualified counsellor and just to let you know we do get to offload during supervision thats what supervsion is for. We can't use names or give any 'story' away that might identify the client but we can off load and guidance as to if we are using the right techniques, theory, skills etc and the client is getting the best from us. Supervision also identifies 'burn out' which basically means if the counsellor is taking on too much and is at a stage where she is burning out and cannot be helping the client to full potential and should be honest about this so as to do the least harm and most good for the client. I hope that makes sense.

Scoflo

I am a Relate (Scotland) counsellor at the very end of my training. I don't get paid at all nor does anyone in my practice for counselling although I know things are different in England. We ask for a "donation" of around £40 which is based on the cost of my training, overheads and the 2 1/2 paid staff. I was sponsored by Relate for most of my relationship training but I paid for my own initial training (£400) and my husband also paid £800 towards my Diploma. Our supervision is paid for by the service and they also make a contribution towards our travelling expenses. I have never turned anyone away due to money issues and would rather see someone who can make no donation rather than them not come at all.

Everything has a cost and I feel sad that the amount requested has been questioned so vehemently. Perhaps the OP feels there is no value to trying to save their relationship as it is beyond saving?

To the poster who had a counsellor who attended late - that is terrible and I hope they had a good reason. Boundaries are extremely important and should be demonstrated by the counsellor, including keeping to appointment times. But we are human and as such come against the same problems, issues, childcare and employment difficulties as everyone else. I am glad your individual counselling was a more positive experience.

To the poster who was being threatened in a session. I wonder if your counsellor felt it was safer for you to be in the counselling room whilst the situation had the heat taken out of it rather than you be physically attacked on your way home? I wouldn't call a session to an end it was uncomfortable, tense or verbal. That may be how things are played out at home. If it was more than this and a threat was made the procedure would (should) have been to remind the client that this is an instance confidentiality would be breached and then do that, ie make sure you were safe, contact the Manager & supervisor who would contact the police. This is the law. If this was the case and the procedure wasn't followed please, please complain. A person could be in real danger (3 women a week die as a result of domestic violence in the UK) and this should be investigated.

Counsellors don't fix anything. If only! They facilitate the changes which need to be made by the client order to address and resolve their difficulties. The work is all done by the client.

I hope this helps.

Mrs_pbradley936

I have not been to Relate but my friend was going once a week for a few months when she had problems. They do not give you any advice but they make to examine all the options open to you and you can mentally try out the scenarios. For instance with my friend her options could have been:

• Ignore the situation and carry on regardless
• Start divorce proceedings. Imagine selling house, finding somewhere to live, sorting out finances.
• Discuss matter with partner. See if both agree relationship should end. Does husband know you have these feelings? Is the relationship one sided?

In my friends case her husband did not think there was anything the matter which my friend thought was dreadful in itself. Anyway she is now taking tablets for depression.

bestpud

gundo wrote: »

My experience some 3 years ago was the same. We did 5 sessions at 1p per second! In fact when the counsellor was late arriving a couple of times (by 10 mins or so) we got 50 mins or less instead :mad:. Needless to say when we were late (we were both working and the latest appointment we could get was 4.00pm so it was hard getting away from work on time) that time was knocked off too (our employers wouldn't give us time off to attend the sessions, so we had to try and finish early).

Counsellor was useless and came out with some unbelievable statements that left us both gobsmacked at her ignorance. She said contradictory things depending on which session it was. She came up with no practical advice and veered between "you should break up" and "you should stay together".

Utterly worthless and awful experience which resolved nothing.

Sadly I came to view the experience as money for old rope for the counsellor.

I have had individual counselling both before and since that was far better. But on the whole my experience of counselling is that it doesn't perform miracles and my view is that you can probably work it out on your own anyway. You're essentially paying someone to be your friend but unlike a friend, once time's up or your money runs dry they're outta there.

You've had a bad experience unfortunately and I guess there will be good and bad counsellors, as with every profession. Personally, I'd have made a complaint if they were late more than once and/or without good reason. That is not professional and should not have happened!

I have to disagree with your view of a counsellor as a friend who charges for their time though. I have been helped beyond anything I thought possible by a counsellor and I could not have done that alone - if I could, I would have saved myself 30 odd years of pain!

The relationship is very different to a friendship - friends listen and comfort, councellors take the time to understand the world through your eyes and look at ways to improve that 'view'. Besides, I would not be able to discuss my worst fears and experiences with friends and even if I could, it would not be fair on them.

Please don't put people off seeking counselling as some cannot, with the best will in the world, improve by themselves and it's a bit like telling a depressed person to pull themselves together. Lots of people spend years trying in vain before they pluck up the courage to get help and end up wondering why they didn't go earlier! Comments like that don't help an awful lot imo.