Domestic abuse and destruction of property and ID documentation

Racheldevon

Contact your local domestic abuse organisation, a Risk identification Checklist (CAADA - DASH) needs completing if not already done so to identify the level of risk to yourself. Depending on this outcome you may well benefit from being linked to an outreach worker who can do some safety planning work with you around some of the things you describe, or maybe it will meet the MARAC high risk threshold, in which case you should be allocated an IDVA worker.


Also check whether you are linked into your police force's domestic violence officers who are specially trained in this area.

jackyann

I third fairy's & Rachel's posts - get on to whatever is the local domestic abuse charity - Google "Women's Aid" or ask at your local library.
They will talk you through all the steps you need to take.

And for anyone looking through this thread who is in an abusive relationship: make copies of all vital documents and hide them - or give to a trusted friend.

TBagpuss

Because of the domestic violence, you may be able to claim Legal Aid to get help with the legal side of things,. This is means tested so would depend on your income and savings. If you qualify, it would be possible for you to apply for a Non-Molestation Order, and you would also be able to access legal advise about any issues around contact, and in relation to any divorce. Not all solicitors offer legal aid, and while those who do not ought to tell you if you may qualify, so you can decide whether to look elsewhere if you do, not all will do this, or they may make assumptions about your likely entitlement which may not be correct. (there is a calculator here to help you work out if you may qualify - https://civillegaladvice.service.gov.uk/problem)

Solicitors would normally advise you to go via the police because having the matter dealt with as harassment, as a criminal matter, can often be faster and (if you are not entitled to legal aid) a LOT cheaper.

Regarding your documents I would recommend that you report them as stolen. Ask the police to let you have a crime reference number and then apply to replace them. You can get a duplicate birth certificate from the Registry Office (assuming you were born in this country) at a cost of about £10.

If the police have not already put you in contact with their domestic violence liaison officer ask them to do so, and then speak to her/him about whether they can help you with improving the security to your home.

In relation to the relatives causing problems you will need to report them individually to the police - unless the police can prove that your ex is explicitly encouraging or asking them to harass you then him being warned won't 'filter down' to them.

For ID purposes, report your driving licence as stolen and apply for a duplicate - this costs £20 and can be done online (a replacement passport costs £82 and you may have to attend an interview, so leave that for now unless you need to travel)

Change all your passwords if you use internet banking etc. (and for your e-mail and other online accounts.

TBagpuss

Oh, and call 999 if he or any of his relations turn up at your home or place of work. Don't wait for them to start being abusive.

fivetide

don't answer your door without your phone in your hand. If you have a smartphone, and I would have thought someone doing what you do would have, then you can get a voice recorder for free and just keep it in your pocket (all evidence gathering) or if you want to be a bit more open on it, just film them.


Do speak to the charities mentioned too. Probably much better and specific advice there for you.


Good luck!

Caroline_a

Here's a start for you:

Birth certificate

Driving licence

Passport

Hopefully that will be a start. There are costs involved but sometimes it's cheaper to just get on and do it, rather than take hours and hours trying to get them back - they will probably have been burnt/binned or destroyed in a number of ways by your ex. Mine was the same. I learnt very quickly, just don't give him the satisfaction of seeing that its distressing you.

Cuilean

Having had a PIN issued on an ex-friend who tried to break into my house several times, I echo what Guest101 said about them not being terribly good deterrents. After the PIN was issued to my ex-friend, she merrily rocked up to my door a few weeks later and tried to break in again. The police turned up just as she was driving away so didn't witness it, unfortunately. Nor were they interested in the photos or videos I had of her trying to gain access. They came in and told me that since she'd been issued with a PIN once, only now could they actually take action and arrest her. Essentially, the PIN was a slap on her wrist for being a bad girl, and nothing more. She didn't even have to sign it to acknowledge it. You have to prove that the police have been involved on more than one occasion for them to take action.


Best of luck to you - I hope you can get rid of this nasty piece of work from your life. The fact that you've made the decision that he must go means that you've got an admirably strong mind, and that will hold you in good stead.

Vikipollard

And if he knows any password details or PIN numbers for anything, get them changed too.


Good luck OP, what an awful situation.