tip toeing around a collegue.

elsien

They're not going to move on - the ones who spend their life complaning and saying how unhappy they are rarely do. You may also find them saying how awful previous jobs were as well. My standard reply was if they've had problems in all their jobs that says more about them than their employers.
I wouldn't tiptoe round them - if they're causing that level of strife in the workplace, the manager needs to treat it as a performance issue. It can be tackled but it's not easy so your manager is probably ducking the issue. Raise it with them again.

ERICS_MUM

Poor management, should have nipped in the bud but now it's a major issue and unlikely to be sorted discretely at this late stage.

I was one of four managers in an office of 200+ staff, we just could not afford to let this sort of thing to get out of hand, our ears and eyes were "honed" to pick up any signs of unrest !!!!!

Hedgehog99

Ignore their bad behaviour as much as possible*. Keep a diary if their behaviour is bullying/endangers your job/reputation/hinders your own work. Behave professionally in any work-related interaction you have with them. If you are allowed to use headphones, listen to music/radio if you hate working in silence - you also won't hear them moaning. Get out of the office at lunchtime to give yourself some breathing space and renewed strength to endure the afternoon.

As for trying to get to know them, been there, tried that. A guy started at work and didn't say much (fair enough, each to their own). I tried innocuous "Morning / have a nice evening/weekend" etc, nothing intrusive or personal. It was like getting blood out of a stone. After six weeks of this, I waited to see if he initiated a "Good morning..." etc and he didn't, so I left it, thinking that's what he preferred. Headphones preserved my sanity. A year later (when I'd seen the guy repeatedly job-searching on his computer), our boss suggested I move rooms because I wasn't talking to the guy & he felt miserable. I didn't move out (why should I, let alone when he's leaving) & no-one said anything. A few weeks later the guy left.

* Where I currently work, there's a girl who swears strongly if something goes wrong. I ignore her, but another colleague panders to her "Oh nooo, are you OK???" & it just makes her do it all the more.

mustang121

Thanks for the replies.


It's the sheer hypocrisy that I cannot stand. Now and again they will talk quietly about non-work stuff with another colleague and nobody cares, but if somebody else talks to somebody else quietly, this person just gets in a huff, makes a loud comment about how this is a work place and then slams their drawer and puts in their headphones.


They constantly moan about the noise of the Office. Which is just general office background noise that one would expect to find in any office. (Keyboard tapping, background chat, kettle etc). One of the reasons they want to leave is due to the "nose" problems.


We do the same role and "internal customers" actually prefer coming to me as I'm more polite and helpful. Which effectively doubles my workload. (I daren't pass them on for fear of getting a sarcastic put down).


In fact I daren't approach them for any work issue for fear of a sarcastic put down.

TBagpuss

Don't tip toe around them. You don't say how many of you there are in the room, but if all of the rest of you can work normally even with the background noise then it is this one person who has a problem.

If they make the comments about it being a workplace, then say something such as "and we are working".

The other thing you can do is speak to your manager about it - one thing which can be difficult for a manager is if staff members are unhappy with the behaviour of another employee but are not willing to actually say so in any official way, particularly with an awkward employee who might make allegations of bullying or victimisation.

It may be worth thinking about whether there is anything you could suggest to this persona to improve things for them - for instance, if the sound of the kettle and people talking to one another is an issue, would it be possible for them to swap desks with whoever sits furthest away from the kettle or the watercooler, so that the noise does not impinge on this person so much.

If the job is one where they can wear headphones when working then the next time they make a comment about noise, you could suggests to them that the get noise cancelling headphones or listen to music or white noise, to help them cut out background noise - ideally, you treat this as something you are suggesting as a way to help them.

mustang121

TBagpuss wrote: »

Don't tip toe around them. You don't say how many of you there are in the room, but if all of the rest of you can work normally even with the background noise then it is this one person who has a problem.

If they make the comments about it being a workplace, then say something such as "and we are working".

The other thing you can do is speak to your manager about it - one thing which can be difficult for a manager is if staff members are unhappy with the behaviour of another employee but are not willing to actually say so in any official way, particularly with an awkward employee who might make allegations of bullying or victimisation.

It may be worth thinking about whether there is anything you could suggest to this persona to improve things for them - for instance, if the sound of the kettle and people talking to one another is an issue, would it be possible for them to swap desks with whoever sits furthest away from the kettle or the watercooler, so that the noise does not impinge on this person so much.

If the job is one where they can wear headphones when working then the next time they make a comment about noise, you could suggests to them that the get noise cancelling headphones or listen to music or white noise, to help them cut out background noise - ideally, you treat this as something you are suggesting as a way to help them.

All suggestions have been done. Its a room of 20 people, this person complained about being under the aircon and noise - The team was moved the furthest point away.


All types of wired and wonderful devices have been bought in attempt to counter various issues, but still its not no good. The only thing left would be to specially build an office just for them.


Not sure if anything "official" been brought up, its been going that long, its just generally become the norm to tip-toe around.


One day you might hear on the news of a workplace massacre....

micky2phones

ERICS_MUM wrote: »

I agree with the "get to know him/her" approach. Get him a coffee, ask how his holiday was etc. you all feel Uncomfy with him but chances are he feels the same with you all.

I also agree with " get to know him/her " face up to them, look at them eye to eye.

Talk to them, listen to them, advise them if you can.

They should see you in a different light and you may become thier friend and not a foe.

[Deleted User]

Least their a "colleague", far, far worser when it is a Manager acting in this way, in remembrance of the times we would cower in the corner, wishing the outside would just be quiet so not to affect the moment, everyone to scared to talk, resorting to putting things on the desk only when the person had left their seat, till the day you would just snap. (I only gave it days and fortunately one of them who did just this, cling on to their body language showed more then they would ever say) so anyone doing years well they have my empathy, I know this is a strange character to deal with so keep hold it is a colleague, others I understand had managed to get to a 'stand-offish' level with the concerned and said that helped.


Not been able to find any right self help books to read to make sense of it : ( I've tried.

mustang121

I wouldn't say we were foes. Outside of work there isn't a problem between us. I wouldn't say there was a problem between us inside of work.


They are a completely different person inside and outside of work. although that said, they still have a terrible anger problem outside of work.


It's just their short fuse, hypocritical views, I hate this place attitude.


The only plus side is that their sarcastic / horrible attiudite is indiscriminate as they mean to any one.

pmduk

I wouldn't say it should be your problem. If it causes a problem with your work then raise it with Management.

I found it useful in my working life to learn to tune out some colleagues. It's still a skill I use on a daily basis