Debt and Mental Health - How have your debts affected you?

CallyJen

Hi All.

I’m new here and I think I have been stuck in the debt/depression rut for the last 12 years. I have seriously contemplated suicide as a way out at times. I have done the obsessive overspending to make myself feel better-coming home with bags of tat that I don’t need. I’ve taken out payday loan on top of payday loan just to make things better for a little while.

Anyway, my partner is threatening to leave me. His dad is dying so he has enough on his plate without my issues (his words) but instead of making me reach for another payday loan, I have finally taken the plunge to try and sort things out. I have been sick with anxiety trying to talk to lenders but I’m hoping I see this through and properly sort a solution.

Debt is about so much more than money. It’s wrapped up in a complex psychology of spending habits, self reward and hatred, uncontrollable behaviour and possibly addiction. Also a sense of fatalism and futility- i’ll never get out of the debt so why not add to it?

I don’t even know why I have had this “lightbulb moment”! I want to take control back and although difficult and downright painful, I think this is the way forward for me.

All the best to everyone else posting on this thread, if we didn’t want to find a solution I don’t think we’d be here.

Keedie

Hi CallyJen,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, I have been on the financial rollercoaster due to my mental health as well. I recently discovered Christians Against Poverty (CAP), and they help with life skills, debt management plans and budgeting etc. You don't need to be a christian to go there (as I am not), but they will still help.

You might find them useful... https://capuk.org

And I hope that your boyfriend's not suffering too much with his father's terminal situation,
xx

The_Analyst

Arriving late to this thread, but thought I'd share my experiences. Back in 2007, we moved house and took on a mortgage that was too big for us - 2 lenders turned us down, but an IFA "worked his magic" and lo and behold we got the dream house we wanted. 3 months after moving in, my fiance gave birth to our first child and before we knew it, SSP had kicked in and we were effectively living on one wage in a house we couldn't afford.

We trundled along for the next few years, living on credit, extending loans and overdrafts, and somehow always landing on our feet (temporarily) when things got to close for comfort - unexpected share payouts, compensation for a car crash, mortgage rate drop - stuff like that always seemed to pull us out of the fire

Fast forward to 2010 and child no.2 comes along and by the time SSP kicks in, we are living off one credit card (the rest are maxed out) with a credit limit of £8,000

2 or 3 months in and the credit company get in touch to say they are lowering the limit as they have concerns about our spending (£1k a month, paying only min amount)

By the time my wife goes back to work, we are in trouble - disposable income of about £200 a month to run a household with 2 kids. Somehow we struggle through to summer 2011 when wife unexpectedly falls pregnant with child no.3. This sends me in to a panic - no more avenues of credit, all of our income taken up with minimum payments and no available credit. The prospect of more maternity leave fills me with dread and affects my working and personal life. Wife loses the baby through an ectopic pregnancy - more stress, more unhappiness. Lack of sleep, emotionally closed off to my loved ones and angry. Angry at everything and everyone - an anger that nearly cost me my marriage.

So, I took control of things and entered a DMP - the instant relieving of the pressure was amazing. I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn't been honest enough to face our problems head on.

12 months from now we will be debt-free. Discussions about money are a different beast these days - planning for the future and making plans for savings plans etc

Mark321123

As a child I was sexually abused for many years by a group of people including family members , for many years as a child I went mute due to the shock, as the years went on I always self harmed myself thinking I’m worthless, and have many habits like not asking friends back to my home , or I always bolted my bedroom door etc , years later I got married and had one child , started to get help regarding my self harming . I was doing Ok not brilliantly when one day I got a letter from the Solicitors saying I have been left a large sum of money , it was left by a family member that abused me all those years ago , at first I refused the money , but my exwife convinced me to take the money and pay off a few loans we had .like I fool I did basically it was blood money , all my memories come flooding back and within months self harming and depression come back , the money I basically gived it all away to strangers , my wife at the time just couldn’t unstandard why I was doing this and had taken it personally, with a year I lost my marriage , home, work. That was 12 years ago I was thinking of taking out a Iva recently , but last October I was diagnosed with pituitary tumour the tumour is small at the Moment when it gets a certain size I will have it removed , unfortunately when I do it removed they will operate through my skull , because of the type of operation I’m having I have to hand my drivers license back to the DVLA for five years , my job involves driving so I be out of work in the near future , so I can’t take out a Iva . Now my depression started to return , it just never stops

FOX

I think it's despicable that so many individuals suffer from mental health issues due to debt related issues, that are the product of our capitalist society. What I've learned along the way is that the system is at fault, designed to lure us in and along with the original lack of information available to the general public in relation to credit and debt management - thankfully, that's improved - spit us out worse off. Originally, like most people debt affected my mental health greatly. But once I became conscious of how the system worked I realised that it was up to me to control it. I noted how many business people got into debt for billions and shrugged it off, as they were educated to view it as a natural part of business and usually started up again unscathed. So I decided I was no longer going to worry about it so much that it affected my mental and physical health, and instead decided to manage it. There's no doubt that it was difficult, and I had to change my thinking and spending habits, but it is achievable.

Onebrokelady

I’ve been bouncing my debt around for a few years now and I suppose I have had a background worry about it but I just buried my head in the sand and kept plodding on,itsonly in the last few months that I’ve suddenly realised what a mess I’ve gotten myself into and now it’s affecting me big time,I was diagnosed with mild depression 14 years ago after also being diagnosed with a chronic pain condition (I’m not sure which came first) and have been on antidepressants ever since,I came off them about 5 months ago because I was fed up with the way they made me feel and they didn’t seem to be helping much,I felt better as soon as the withdrawal symptoms wore off but now that my debt problems have come to a head I am losing the plot,I can’t sleep and can’t concentrate every time even the smallest thing goes wrong I just burst into tears,I’ve even contemplated suicide this week and that is something I have never ever thought about,I scared myself today and I’m hoping once I get my debt under control I will start to feel better, sitting here writing this has calmed me down and writing that I thought however briefly about suicide has shocked me,now I’m calm I don’t think I’m at risk of hurting myself but earlier today it went through my mind,I’m angry now as well at myself for not reining in my spending and at the credit card companies that make it so easy to get into this mess in the first place

Lucylou7

I am new to this forum. I have reading other peoples' expriences of debt and depression and its comforting to know I am not the only one going through this.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for a long as I can remember. When I look back I can also see I have had problems with spending most of my life. I have often spent money to try and fix some terrible fault with myself. I spent to make myself feel better after I bad day. The last few years it has got out of control. The person I loved most in the world died a few years ago. My counsellor has said my grief has effected me more than I can understand, but blaming my debt on grief feel like I am shifting the blame. I spent a fair bit of money trying to start different businesses so I could escape from a career I hated. I know I have been an easy target for sales people too. I once spent £700 pounds on an exclusive gym membership because she the gym owner got inside my head and made me think for a brief moment joining her gym would solve all my problems, stupid I know.

The debt has got to a point where I can't borrow my way out of it anyway, no more balance transfers or loans to reply other loans. Facing up to years of bad to day decisions is hard and is making me feel like complete !!!!. I have not been sleeping well. I am hoping dealing with my money properly and taking control will give me a confidence boost in the long run.

I need to learn to value myself more and accept and love me as I am

x

MissG80

It has definitely caused me worry and anxiety at times. Also a feeling of trudgery. I posted elsewhere that I have been supporting a family member with mental illness (brother) with their debt. He was always getting calls from companies he owed money to and then my Dad started receiving them too and it was only then we started to realise how bad it was, There are two things I will never see happen to my brother which are he become homeless again or drug/alcohol addiction, so it was fortunate in a way that there had been some mix up with his housing payment and he was being threatened with eviction, so I went with him to the Council when he had a support worker meeting to sort it, and was there when she suggested Step Change. At his next meeting they looked at the website together and he liked the idea. I sold it to him on the basis that the phone calls will stop. He eventually called them and they did the budget with him. He got a reference number to give companies when they called to say he was with step change and eventually all the calls stopped. When he was talking about his money problems he said that his benefits had been changed from weekly to monthly payments and he found it hard to budget. I suggested he could have his benefit paid to me and I would make twice weekly payments to him. Initially he was hesitant but the plusses outweighed his doubts and he said he wanted to. Been doing that for a few months now and he says it is a god send. I found out over Christmas he had missed some debt payments so we switched that over too. I'm really proud of him for taking positive steps. I think focusing on helping someone else has been positive for me too. Definitely think talking and getting it out in the open is the best advice X

MarrtyGH1369

I believe that my mental health issues are mostly to blame for my debt. It sounds like a cop out but I have schizophrenia. My GP says that's what I've got. I have pretty extreme visual and auditory hallucinations as well as going through phases where I don't know who I am or thinking that I'm someone else... I also suffer from Complex Regional Pain Syndrome in my right arm and leg. Although incredibly painful (I have broken my neck twice, my right wrist and ankle, I have had shrapnel wounds to my back and left leg... none of those come close to the pain of CRPS) it is actually a bit of a blessing as I can't walk far unaided and unattended (if someone knocks my arm or leg with moderate force it can trigger a kind of fit where I will collapse and lose consciousness) so the combination of both conditions means that I can't go anywhere on my own now, if I could, I would be in much more debt!
I was with the community mental health team but I had a lot of trouble attending appointments. Then one day I got a letter (which I kept and have shown to many people, including my Tory MP who is adamant that mental health is adequately funded) saying that the community mental health team couldn't afford to treat me any more.
I have severe memory relapses, I don't remember large parts of the last 8 years!
I also have a habit of spending money I don't have or shouldn't spend during an episode, when I get down it seems that spending money on useless things makes me feel better. This is where credit is such a demon for me.
The worst thing for me personally is that there is no way that someone wouldn't know there is something wrong with me when I'm having a bad few months (or when my medication is working differently, I use 2 100mcg fentanyl patches every 3 days for the CRPS ) as the signs are very obvious. I doubt that someone selling credit would sell to a drunk person (at least, I hope not) but they used to throw credit agreements at me.
When get debt collectors letters through and I don't remember what it's for/don't recognise the debt, it can feel like I am being exploited. It makes me very paranoid.

I also suffer from severe anxiety so those debt collectors letters dropping on my door mat will generally trigger a 4-6 month long episode of enhanced versions of my conditions.

It's a very sad/frustrating predicament because I am an intelligent person, I used to be very physically fit and strong, confident, outgoing, friendly. Now I am the absolute reverse of all of those things 95% of the time.
I genuinely don't understand why my better half bothers with me, every time another debt collectors letter drops on to the door mat, I have failed my family again. It's a very difficult and upsetting position to be in.

Robots

Along with the shame and stress that debts bring, one of the hardest things for me was the anxiety I felt every time the post came: would there be another red letter?