Feeling left out

never_too_late_2

just to add my two-pence worth here, i think you should approach the ladies at work and see what's up, if anything. it's obviously upsetting you a lot and rightly so.

whether or not you let them know that you're trying to save money by making your own lunch, its not nice to be feel excluded and we do spend a lot of time at work so it's best to have a happy environment. and i'm sure you'll find that they think maybe they've done or said something to upset you so were leaving you alone or something.

and you should def eat your lunch in the staff canteen anyway. good way to combine it all.

sending you a big hug and hoping all works out,
ntl
-x-

HairyHandofDartmoor

I think you should try and explain to them that you are trying to save money (just say you want to pay off a loan, or save up for a holiday or whatever) and that you may have seemed a bit standoffish recently but don't mean to be.

Can you have sandwiches in the canteen as others have suggested or lunch there a couple of times a week? It seems a shame to give up completely on the people you work with as it will make you feel bad. After all, you spend a lot of time with these people. Communication solves most problems, people can be quick to take offence, but it can often be sorted out by a bit of talking and explaining, along with a friendly gesture! Good luck.

piglet6

I agree with most people here that you should try and talk to the ladies in your office. I do know where you are coming from...

About 8 years ago, I worked for an investment bank in the City of London, which provided a "free lunch" for its employees - the choice was the canteen in a separate building from our office (where you could get a free hot lunch - 3 courses, plus fruit, crisps, etc) or the sandwich bar in the basement of the office (where you were entitled to pick up 2 x packets of sandwiches, plus 1 yoghurt, + 1 piece of fruit). The girls in my department preferred to go to the canteen - mainly because you got a full lunch hour...if you took the sandwiches you ate them at your desk and were expected to pick up the phone, etc, whilst you ate them...:o

However, Mr P and I were pretty poor at the time, and as he worked a 40 minute walk from me, I used to pick up the sandwich bar option, walk and meet him halfway, share the sandwiches, etc (and feed both of us for free!:D) before walking back. As a result, I was shunned by the rest of the office (they thought I didn't want to socialise with them - I was too proud to tell them that if I joined them for lunch, my husband went hungry at lunchtime!:eek:). On the occasions I had to join them for team lunches, I felt really guilty!

As it turns out, my "happy ending" was that I only stayed in that job for 6 months as I realised that it was not the right position for me, but I wish I had had the courage to talk to the girls in the office about it. I agree with the idea of the "friend's challenge" to spend less, or perhaps tell them that you are saving for something big (holiday, to be mortgage-free, etc) and that is the reason. If you are allowed to go into the canteen and just buy a drink/eat your own sandwiches, then try to do that a couple of times a week. On other days, can you have some "urgent" errands that need doing (in the past, I have been "meeting a friend" and gone to the local library...;)).

You spend a lot of your life at work, and I know how miserable it is to feel on the outside - pluck up courage and talk to them...you never know, you might find that you are not the only one in this position and others are happy to join you in the pack-up department - it only takes one person to start a trend!!:p

Good luck!

Piglet

patwa_2

Just had an interesting thought. Is it possible there are others there that are also in debt but are continuing spending just to fit in but that don't want to break it off in case they get left out too? A large proportion of the country is now in debt but there are those that are happy to look positively to wards clearing it but others that see it as a thing to be ashamed of.

I definitely think part of the issue is your work mates not understanding your sudden about turn. However, I'm surprise they're not open minded enough to ask you why you're suddenly not coming to lunch and spending time with them. Even if it was really snarky and they had already made up their minds that you're too good for them, one would at least think they'd ask if only to (in their minds) prove their point? I'm sorry I'm not trying to be hurtful but I'm just surprised at the attitude of your workmates.

If there is someone you've still got contact with, talk with them. Maybe walk with them to the car park when going home at the end of the day and raise it in conversation. Everyone thinks about money, you don't have to go straight down to the details if you don't want.

Also I would speak with your manager. Managers have a duty to their staff to ensure their well being - if they understand they could help make others understand, but then again you'd probably want to be careful not to seem like you've going backhanded to fix a situation others feel you caused yourself.

Again good luck, and I really didn't mean any of this to come out hurtful or offensive.

H.

Savvy_Sue

Just to put something from the other point of view, I used to manage a team where one person NEVER ate during office hours. Anything. We didn't have a canteen, just a staff kitchen, but this person NEVER spent any of the lunch hour in there, with the casual chit-chat that goes on. And they NEVER joined us for team lunches, regardless of who was paying. And it was very difficult at times.

I did my best to make sure they were always invited, and that if we'd been chatting about work related stuff that I filled them in, and I was always extremely grateful when THEY took the initiative and said "I don't want to join you for the team lunch next week, would you like me to cover Switchboard?"

If you can eat your own food in the canteen, that would help, IMO!