Social Funds for Funeral

margaretclare

Some churches don't charge for a service if you're a church member.

This is a useful site, gives details of how costs can be reduced. https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/how-much-does-a-funeral-cost -

Or this: http://www.naturaldeath.org.uk/index.php?page=keeping-funeral-costs-down

For DH and me, we're having a simple funeral in a wildflower cemetery. We've been to some funerals which were, quite honestly, a travesty. Don't get me started.

I've always believed it was quite important to carry out the deceased's last wishes, but if no wishes were expressed and preferably written down, then what do you do? Some ideas in those links above.

Konark, you say 'cheapest decent funeral'. What exactly do you mean by 'decent funeral'?

Mojisola

margaretclare wrote: »

Konark, you say 'cheapest decent funeral'. What exactly do you mean by 'decent funeral'?

Some funeral directors offer a 'disposal' of the body at this kind of price but it usually involves them keeping the body until they and the crematorium have a gap and they just take the body to the chapel, have a few words over the coffin and then down to the incinerator.

The only people there will be FD and crematorium staff. It will be dignified but very quick and not personalised at all.

qwertyman

Direct cremation? Costs about £1000.

margaretclare

The OP did not say whether it was a cremation rather than a burial which was being considered. In fact, he/she did not say what kind of a funeral was being planned.

Surely it's necessary to decide on some basic details first, then add up the cost?

Given our ages, we've had to consider funeral details. Especially since, in 2008, DH was very seriously ill and I had to find out some of those details then - fortunately he recovered. I've always believed that the deceased's own wishes were of great importance. There can be a lot of comfort in feeling that, at least, you were doing what they would have wished.

OP, what would your late Dad have wanted?

konark

Konark, you say 'cheapest decent funeral'. What exactly do you mean by 'decent funeral'?

I mean using a funeral director, hearse , cremation fees , flowers, notice in papers, short service at the crematorium.

But excluding funeral tea, funeral taxi for mourners, burial headstone.

margaretclare

konark wrote: »

I mean using a funeral director, hearse , cremation fees , flowers, notice in papers, short service at the crematorium.

But excluding funeral tea, funeral taxi for mourners, burial headstone.

We've planned a 'decent funeral' for ourselves but it doesn't include any of the above.

Sorry I can't help you with any of the costs. Try the links I quoted for suggested ways of keeping the cost down.

Do you realise there may be a long wait for the cremation and/or service in crematorium chapel? We're hearing of anything up to 3 weeks following death. Just another thing we don't like about modern funeral arrangements.

konark

We've planned a 'decent funeral' for ourselves but it doesn't include any of the above.

Sounds grim!

thorsoak

konark wrote: »

Sounds grim!

Why? After all, it is just disposal of what is, basically, waste material! I would hate to think of my family spending money that they can ill-afford, just to make a "bit of a show" as my mother would have said. Flowers - yes - if they want to buy some (but please no enormous arrangements saying "Mum" "Granny" etc) - personally I'd rather that they gave money to a charity of their choice. No headstone for me either - I've bought the plot next to my dear OH in the local newish (12 years old) woodland cemetery and I'll have a silver birch tree planted as my memorial - he has a walnut tree.

kingfisherblue

I discussed funerals with my parents about twenty years ago, after my friend's dad died unexpectedly. Her family didn't know what her dad would have wanted. As a result, when my dad died, we were fully aware of his wishes, right down tot he music to be played at his cremation. It made everything much easier, although obviously it was still a very difficult time for us.


My mum is now 81 and until recently has been in relatively good health. We do still chat about funerals every now and then - if I pre-decease my mum, she knows my preferences (and so do my children). Although my mum had a heart attack recently, she is recovering after having a stent fitted, and I hope that she will be around for a lot longer yet.


Knowing what is wanted before the event can give some comfort, as you are carrying out the late person's final wishes. However, as everyone knows, this comes at a cost. Funeral expenses are the first costs to be paid from any estate. Other costs come later, if there is any money left. Although £1400 may not cover the full amount, it is a good portion paid. Some costs can be kept down, such as having a small, simple arrangement of flowers and no wake (or a self catered wake). For my dad, we had small pots of flowers arranged in the shape of a cross on top of his coffin. The pots were then donated to residents at a local care home for them to enjoy - my dad didn't see the sense in wasting money on flowers unless someone could enjoy them afterwards.


OP, I'm sorry for your loss and hope that your funeral plans are progressing.

margaretclare

thorsoak wrote: »

Why? After all, it is just disposal of what is, basically, waste material! I would hate to think of my family spending money that they can ill-afford, just to make a "bit of a show" as my mother would have said. Flowers - yes - if they want to buy some (but please no enormous arrangements saying "Mum" "Granny" etc) - personally I'd rather that they gave money to a charity of their choice. No headstone for me either - I've bought the plot next to my dear OH in the local newish (12 years old) woodland cemetery and I'll have a silver birch tree planted as my memorial - he has a walnut tree.

Yes, this is similar to what we've arranged for ourselves. It's not 'grim' at all. 'Resting under the bluebells for ever' is what one of our local woodland cemeteries says. I want snowdrops planted on my grave. Earlier this year we visited an old country churchyard which was absolutely full of snowdrops. That's the kind of flowers I prefer, certainly not those big arrangements with 'mum', 'dad' or whatever. Or, I'd rather see flowers while I'm still alive.

A few years ago we went to a cremation in Portsmouth and we gave a donation to naval charities. That poor man had been in cold storage for at least 3 weeks because of repairs/renovations at the crematorium. As we walked in one of the women there asked 'where is your wreath?' We explained that we don't 'do' funeral wreaths, we always give to charity instead. That was very much disapproved of!

With a woodland burial ground like Herongate near us, they do the whole thing. There must not be a delay because embalming isn't allowed. There's a place on site to have a service if you want one and/or refreshments. Like thorsoak, we want to be buried beside each other. It's possible to keep it simple but dignified.

'When I am dead, my dearest
Sing no sad songs for me.
Plant thou no roses at my head
Nor shady cypress tree.
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet
And if thou wilt, remember
And if thou wilt, forget.'

We have been to some pretty awful funerals, although I imagine they could all have been described as 'decent'. In some cases the minister roped in did not know the deceased and struggled to find something to say. At some, there was a church service and it was obvious that most of the people did not know how to behave in church. I think the best have been the simplest.