getting through a break up

Jacko_amz

Hi everyone,

I recently posted a thread around arguing 'How do you argue' and since then me and partner have split. I am devastated and find myself crying at every moment! There's a lot i need to sort, we rent a house together so i need to sort that.

Luckily we have no ties, no children finances or own home. We have a dog together and he is coming with me, I have moved back home to parents however there two dogs dislike him and i will have to find a dog day care whilst i am at work.

My plan is to stay here whilst i sort myself out, this is all still very fresh and am finding it very difficult as i miss him so much

Any advice on how to get through this time?

sarah_diamond

Hi Jacko, I split up with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago - we were together just over a year and he had moved in with me. It's a horrible situation and whilst I don't have much practical advice I've found chatting to friends (or trying to chat whilst crying!) has helped me, the same as catching up with people I've not seen as often as I would've before I started going out with my ex - at least with those people you can avoid the subject a little more easily. I've had my nights where I've sat and cried - I've also had a couple of days where I've suddenly thought "I've just gone 6 hours without thinking about it" - normally at work where there's other stuff to concentrate on.


The usual other stuff applies too, go for a walk (you have a dog - I've wished I could borrow one quite a few times the last 2 months!) just to get yourself out of the house for an hour. Get the maximum number of books you can from the library and binge read them or get a new series on tv and binge watch it.


You'll be ok I'm sure. Just look after yourself too.

Primrose

Always a difficult situation to get through. Try to keep yourself busy and and fully occupied so that you're as tired as possible when you go to bed and simply fall asleep exhausted instead of lying awake and thinking about him. Catch uo with old friends. Join some new groups and if possible to make some new ones. Books, scrabble, jigsaw puzzles, dog walking, gardening. ..... Anything that will keep every waking moment as fully distracted as possible.

Worriedwife86

I've started a thread about my hubby leaving whilst on anabolic steroids. We have kids etc but I've found normal day to day living, reading and watching episodes of Scott n bailey another show keep me occupied.
But I was out in mild depression tablets for helping me stay asleep.

Errata

Jacko_amz wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I recently posted a thread around arguing 'How do you argue' and since then me and partner have split. I am devastated and find myself crying at every moment! There's a lot i need to sort, we rent a house together so i need to sort that.

Luckily we have no ties, no children finances or own home. We have a dog together and he is coming with me, I have moved back home to parents however there two dogs dislike him and i will have to find a dog day care whilst i am at work.

My plan is to stay here whilst i sort myself out, this is all still very fresh and am finding it very difficult as i miss him so much

Any advice on how to get through this time?

Each time you feel yourself getting upset about the split , remind yourself of the time recently when he had his hands round your throat and that you had to move in with your parents to get away from him.

mildredalien

You are bound to be upset, and bound to miss him, no matter how bad things got. I split with my last partner after years and years together, and things were not great at the end. I KNEW I didn't want to be with him, but I was still upset. Remember all you are feeling is normal, but it doesn't mean you want to be in a relationship with him again, it just means you are grieving the end of it.

Make sure you talk to people - family, friends, co-workers, whoever - and keep active/busy.

j.e.j.

Jacko_amz wrote: »

Luckily we have no ties, no children finances or own home. We have a dog together and he is coming with me, I have moved back home to parents however there two dogs dislike him and i will have to find a dog day care whilst i am at work.

Given that there are already 2 dogs at your parents house and they don't get on with your and your ex-boyfriend's dog wouldn't it be easier to leave the dog with him instead?

unholyangel

I was going to comment on your other thread the other day but didn't as I would've been rehashing what was already said.

I think you know you weren't truly happy with him and just needed to hear it from somewhere else. He had a complete lack of respect for you or your feelings with the name calling.

Atm you're probably more missing what you "could have had" with him rather than what you did have. Because you're likely viewing the verbal abuse as out of character for him and convincing yourself that everything was perfect except for that - but it wasnt and over time it likely would have escalated in severity and also frequency.

Take some you time for yourself. Theres a possibility your confidence has taken a knock from the name calling (its common in these types of situations). Give it a few days and you'll perhaps start to notice how you're happier now that you're away from the situation/him.

Dont sell yourself short.

mariposa687

I've just gone through a break up of a 3 year relationship.First of all, be kind to yourself - you're going through a lot and always remember that you are stronger than you think. I'm still not over the break up and it was late last year. The best thing I have found is to keep busy - take up a new hobby, do the things you have always wanted to do but held back on.

I'm much more sociable than I ever was before because I figure that one of the worst things that could happen to me already did and I survived it so meeting new people can't be that bad. I always hid behind my ex as he was more sociable than me, now I have no excuses.

I haven't read your other thread so I don't know the reasons behind it but I hope you are ok. It is horrible when it first happens, I used to cry all the time but just know that even on your worst days that you will get through it, somehow.

DSmiffy

Keep busy, if you can, it keeps you occupied.
I was doing a qualification at the time and threw myself into that.

Also, I cleaned like mad, sat watching lots of movies I always meant to watch whilst tidying drawers and emptying cupboards and sorting and matching stuff.
I find tidying very cathartic, it clears the old out and is quite therapeutic. Spent a lot of time going to the tip to bin my stuff, and who knows where you will meet the next interesting person !! Could be down the tip.

FBaby

My advice is trail through old threads with posts very similar to yours, but with updates on how they are so much better months later and can't believe they felt so dreadful.

Some of these threads are very emotional, the posters quite devastated and expressing how they feel they will never get over the breakup. To then have updates and read how time healed them and they are happier than ever is very inspiring. I think it will help.