Will life always be like this

CrossFit_Duck

It's been a tough few weeks since first posting on here.


The acknowledgement of my position led to many sleepless nights, tears, anger at myself and complete disbelief at how I let things get so bad.


Two years ago, I was earning around £40K, owed around £5K in credit cards and found myself single after 15 years. Instead of selling the home we lived in, I put all my efforts in buying him out and continuing to live as I had been whilst coming to terms with my new 'status'. I don't regret keeping the house as I wouldn't have been able to buy another property with the equity I'd have been entitled to, but I do regret not budgeting and being more pragmatic. Instead I let my depression and sadness over the break up take over my spending.


Fast forward to now and although I earn £63K, I owe £37K in credit cards and an overdraft. I still cannot believe it. The stress got to me and three weeks ago, I collapsed at work and was admitted into hospital. It has been the scariest time of my life, being ill/hospitalised, work being very unsupportive and demanding I return asap, not having any savings, not having a plan for my dogs and home and just generally feeling so extremely vulnerable.


Although I am budgeting very carefully now and I know where every penny is due to go and is going, I am having anxiety attacks frequently and I cannot see how I will sort this out.


I feel I should be paying my debt off, and I am - I pay over £1000 a month - I don't have any money left over for emergencies or a cushion so things keep putting me behind. The car last month, now the boiler has packed up and it's beyond repair. If it's not one thing, it's another :-( I just can't break the cycle of using credit to deal with things!


I have booked a call with Payplan for tomorrow. I am sick with worry and can't stop crying. How ashamed and stupid do I feel.


Any suggestions on what to ask Payplan or how to get on top of my emotions, would be appreciated.


I don't know if any of this makes sense. I have not spoken to anyone about my situation other than the Payplan advisor who was very kind so this is me just blurting stuff out I guess :-(

immoral_angeluk

If the stress of it all is starting to affect your health, then your first action should be to go and speak to your GP. Stress can really knacker you up physically and mentally. If you are going to deal with your deal and finances, first of all you need to be dealing with looking after yourself.

For the time being simplify things. Find out exactly what you owe and to who. Work out what goes in, what goes out and leave it at that until you speak to payplan. Take small steps but remember you don't have to deal with it all on your own.

Tomorrow is a new day. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

No debt problem is impossible to solve.

MrsSave

I don't have advice with regards to Payplan I'm afraid, but I just wanted to say good luck, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. One thing that stood out for me personally was the mention of no emergency money. I still have quite a bit of debt to pay off, but at the same time I have started to out some money aside for emergencies. I did build up a few hundred, needed it for car repairs and am now building it up slowly again. It means that when we needed the extra money, we didn't go near those credit cards again. We are learning to live without using them. Good luck to you, and I'm sure others will be along with much wiser words than me x

lonestarfan

Take one day at a time.
Get some help from the GP for the anxiety. It's amazing how you can't think straight with poor sleep and stress/anxiety. It can be overwhelming.
Eat properly. Rest properly. Rest is a natural healer. Speak to payplan as you say as they will help get a plan together. Good luck.

sourcrates

My instincts tell me pay plan will recommend an IVA for you, (individual voluntary arrangement) you will obviously be wanting to reduce your monthly credit payments, I think a debt management plan may take too long, but may work for you.

Although you earn a good wage, you have no "plan B" should the wheels fall off, it will depend on how long you want to take to repay the debts that will determine the option you choose.

sidefx

Feel for you OP.
I have no constructive advice but look after yourself.

phoenixx

Hi Crossfit_Duck

It sounds like you are getting things into perspective which is a big step. DH and I are trapped in tough, stressful jobs until we have cleared our debt and ensured we are on top of our finances. I understand how this can make you ill - I got to the point where I was working 80 plus hour weeks. I nearly fell asleep at the wheel once and was also hospitalised when I contracted septicaemia. I was diagnosed with burn out around the same time. I still suffer from anxiety but am building up some coping strategies. In fact one of them is to visit DFW.

Look after yourself. There is no such thing as a debt problem that can't be solved. Payplan will help you and not judge at all. They will give you good advice about moving on with your life while dealing with your debt.

Take care

phoenixx xx

Sazzie23

Hi Crossfit

Well done for facing up to debt, it's a really confronting time but making the first steps are probably the hardest. Don't beat yourself up over the reasons why you got here, just accept your are here and look to getting to a DFD. Payplan will advise you, but it is only advice and if you are not sure, then consider STepchange, the other big free debt advice charity.

Try to be good to yourself, for me it's walking that helps, fortunately that's cheap and easily available, maybe it's relaxing baths or free kindle books, or whatever, but you need something that makes you happy. Also try to find something that makes you laugh. For me it's Frasier and Everybody loves Raymond, if I'm really struggling a fix of Frasier helps me through the day.

Regarding work, not sure what line of work you are in but persist with trying to get them to understand how tough things are for you. You don't have to talk about finances, just say you haven't coped with the break up and are suffering from depression which is affecting your outlook. Your firm should have some sort of plan in place to support you, but if not, say what you need. I've been lucky and my job is supportive, but one of things that has made the difference is that I can arrive to work at any time, as I find mornings really tough, I just have to stay late to make up the time & that suits me, I never thought they'd agree but they've been fine about it, you dont get if you don't ask!

So good luck with the call, it's the start of a new phase in your life, and will change how you think about money and life in general, be happy.

antonic

I ran my DMP with Payplan and I cant recommend them highly enough.

But as Sazzie says, if your not happy with them there are others out there you can try like Stepchange, Christians Against Poverty.

I congratulate you on facing up to your debts, that is the hardest thing to do.

If your debt is making you unwell go and see your GP, they have your best interests at heart, and after all its only money.

Dont feel pressured to go down any route to pay off your debts , go for the one thats best for you.

I hope you get DF !

Time_to_face_the_music

CrossFit_Duck wrote: »

It's been a tough few weeks since first posting on here.


The acknowledgement of my position led to many sleepless nights, tears, anger at myself and complete disbelief at how I let things get so bad.


Two years ago, I was earning around £40K, owed around £5K in credit cards and found myself single after 15 years. Instead of selling the home we lived in, I put all my efforts in buying him out and continuing to live as I had been whilst coming to terms with my new 'status'. I don't regret keeping the house as I wouldn't have been able to buy another property with the equity I'd have been entitled to, but I do regret not budgeting and being more pragmatic. Instead I let my depression and sadness over the break up take over my spending.


Fast forward to now and although I earn £63K, I owe £37K in credit cards and an overdraft. I still cannot believe it. The stress got to me and three weeks ago, I collapsed at work and was admitted into hospital. It has been the scariest time of my life, being ill/hospitalised, work being very unsupportive and demanding I return asap, not having any savings, not having a plan for my dogs and home and just generally feeling so extremely vulnerable.


Although I am budgeting very carefully now and I know where every penny is due to go and is going, I am having anxiety attacks frequently and I cannot see how I will sort this out.


I feel I should be paying my debt off, and I am - I pay over £1000 a month - I don't have any money left over for emergencies or a cushion so things keep putting me behind. The car last month, now the boiler has packed up and it's beyond repair. If it's not one thing, it's another :-( I just can't break the cycle of using credit to deal with things!


I have booked a call with Payplan for tomorrow. I am sick with worry and can't stop crying. How ashamed and stupid do I feel.


Any suggestions on what to ask Payplan or how to get on top of my emotions, would be appreciated.


I don't know if any of this makes sense. I have not spoken to anyone about my situation other than the Payplan advisor who was very kind so this is me just blurting stuff out I guess :-(

Hi CrossFit_Duck :hello:

Can you go back a step and ask yourself why you think you need Payplan? Yes you are in debt but according to the SOA in your previous thread that you posted a couple of months ago, you could afford all your payments and had some money available at the end of the month to make extra payments to debt.

Can you post an accurate and completely honest SOA, using this site:

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

and then see where you stand and how you can deal with this yourself.

I honestly don't think you need Payplan or an IVA or a DMP, I believe you can snowball this debt and deal with it yourself. There are countless people on this forum who will help and encourage you every single day, advise you when you need it, support you when you feel down, celebrate with you when you do well.

In answer to your original question, no life won't always be like this. You can do this, we will help you.

TTFTM x

FireWyrm

"When eating elephants, proceed one bite at a time"

That was some sage advice offered by my father many years ago and it is a mantra I whisper to myself whenever I am totally overwhelmed by the enormous complexity of a situation.

So, lets take the bites in order.

1) Get well. Get to the doctor and deal with the stress. He can offer chemical props which will even out your emotional state and these will make the situation appear much smaller than it currently appears. This deals with the initial symptoms of panic.

2) Figure out exactly what you owe and to whom. I assume most of it is unsecured, so, the first step is to understand that they cant eat you. No one can demand more than you have got to give and right now, you are giving all that you have. Even if you were to lose your job, the worst that would happen is a trashed credit file, which is, to most people a blessing in disguise. Once you have a plan, proceed to step 3.

3) Speak to Payplan and get them to write to your creditors, or do it yourself. Tell them what you owe, what you have and what you are prepared to pay. Make it clear that you are receiving treatment for intolerable stress and you require their understanding in this matter. You will not be badgered, you will only correspond in writing. Once you have negotiated and put in place a solid plan with your creditors, the majority of your stress ought to have been mitigated. Proceed to step 4

4) Ask for a meeting with work. Be frank and honest and explain the situation. You are trying to get control and you have some ideas, but right now, you need a little help and understanding. While you are at it, research other options of employment.

5) You say you now know where ever penny is being spent - how are you doing that? If YNAB, excellent, continue, if not, I strongly advise you to look into the idea of a proper accounting software to help you. No one can run multi-thousand pound yearly budgets in their head, it just doesnt work. You need at least a bit of paper to write it down on and the zero-based, or envelope system seems to work best for the majority of people.

6) Relax. What will come will come. You cannot do more than you are doing. No one can hang you and whilst life my throw the odd spanner, it is not insurmountable. You need to be well in order to face these challenges and not eating or sleeping is simply sabotaging yourself before you start.

7) Screw the debts, get that boiler fixed. It is your top priority right now. Pay token payments to the creditors until you have your health and your home back on an even keel. Get a decent meal down your throat and a good night's rest, the financial diet begins tomorrow.

We are here. 24/7, whenever you need to talk. We dont have an axe to grind, or some manager to please. We will always tell you the truth and we have your interests at heart. You are not alone.