Newbie with a small(ish) debt ..

Shar3105

Hi,


Hope you don't mind me sharing my story ..


3 years ago, I was in a good marriage (8 year relationship, 18 months marriage), he earned a good salary and I was lucky enough to be a stay at home Mum with our 2 daughters. He was a manager where I used to work and asked me to return on a temp contract, good pay, so I took it up. He was without a doubt, controlling with money, although he said that I never needed to ask for money for the kids, I always had to ask and always felt guilty that I did ask. I took out a store card so that I could buy them clothes and just paid it back using the little money that I did get. Irresponsible .. desperation.


Anyway, things became intolerable and I ended the marriage. Money was definitely an issue for us. When we met, he was in £15k debt, which we both paid off. I had none at the time. We paid half and half towards all the houses we lived in, despite me earning £20k and him from £35-75k in the end. I still paid half of everything regardless, although, obviously whilst I was off work (10 months in total) I paid nothing toward the house, but literally did *everything* with regard to housewifely / mother duties.


When the marriage ended, my store card was at £500. I felt that it was manageable. He terminated my contract despite me having a few weeks remaining so I lost out on a few weeks of super pay. Luckily I'd saved money for deposit for a flat for me and the girls. I signed up for tax credits and luckily found work very quickly, within the month I was in a new place, with a new job - paying £16k. Not bad .. However, it wasn't enough to meet needs. So, I did unfortunately rack up the store card - this was to buy things for the flat - some things not necessary, some were .. (I feel quite embarrassed to admit this actually) The store card got out of hand. My Mum, who I actually have no contact with any longer, took me to a supermarket and filled 2 trollies with groceries and necessary household items which I needed for the flat. Then 2 months later kindly told me that none of that shopping was a gift and that I owed her £1500. Prior to the marriage break up, I'd wanted to learn to drive. I'd saved up a little money, the rest of the lessons went on my overdraft .. another £600. My Mum promised she'd buy me a car when I passed. She told me 2 months before I passed that I should get a car on finance, I didn't want to do that so bought a car for £1k on my overdraft. My children needed clothes, so more on the store card .. You catch my drift!


My overdraft was over it's limit and I was being charged £120 per month for overdraft fees .. I contacted my bank and I spoke to an advisor who picked apart my finances and allowed me to consolidate the lot into a £10,500 loan (somewhere around £15,000 in total with interest) paying back £246 per month for 5 years .. Now, that's not so bad, I can afford to pay that but I have been giving myself a £40 per month disposable income. Rubbish, when I have to clothe myself and 2 growing children.


My situation now, 2 years later, is that my ex hubby has the girls every other week - we've had this arrangement since we split, so because he has them 50:50, he doesn't pay any child maintenance. He does sort of understand my situation - although I haven't told him about my debt, so he pays for anything relating to school (uniforms and school dinners etc) We've got the divorce coming up but he is absolutely reluctant to talk money. I firmly believe that as I supported him for nearly 10 years, and because of the marriage ending, I'm in debt, I believe that I am entitled to some sort of matrimonial pay out? I might be absolutely wrong, but believing it, might mean that I can get out of debt quicker. Ex hubby wants to get divorced, but I cannot afford to pay for half of the divorce - he said he'll pay it, but if I am to get anything from him, I'm going to have to pay for a solicitor - which I can't afford so I might very well end up with nothing at all anyway!!


I live with a new partner now, we've lived together for 6 months, we're on similar salaries, but I do the lions share of the housework - therefore, I pay less into the household. Perfect. He's helped me out of a couple of scraps so I now owe him a little money - £600. Tax credits overpaid me, so I owe them £800.


I pay out over £350 per month on debt at the moment. I have £120 disposable income - which, considering I still need to clothe myself and my kids, isn't much at all. I already shop in charity shops for clothes and I make some of my own out of old clothes. Grocery shopping is taken care of out of our joint account which we both pay into, so that's not at issue although I am pretty thrifty with the budget. I just want to be able to enjoy my life and not feel chained like I do right now.


I've just changed my job, from a £16k per year, to a £23k, however, it's further away so now I've got commuting costs / extra costs towards upkeep of the car .. so whilst it's a good jump, it doesn't feel like it is right now. I still feel as though I'm treading water.


I'm probably being melodramatic, I'm probably in a quite decent situation in comparison to some and I'm so lucky that my kids just accept 'no' to everything they ask for ..


Here is a run down of my budget ... could anyone, please, give me ideas on how I can cut back, save, sort this debt. Can anyone give me advice on the divorce with regard to payouts?


I'll be being paid around £360 per week, I've got a weekly budget planner but these are the items on my list. I have actually given myself a generous £60 per week for disposable, but I've got my MOT coming up soon and I know the exhaust needs work .. need new tyres ..


Rent - £480 (Monthly)
Loan - £246.47 (Monthly)
Childcare - £59 (Weekly)
WTC Debt - £50 (Monthly)
Vodafone - £35 (Monthly) - tied in for another year!!
Car Tax - £12.77 (Monthly)
Car Insurance - £61.84 (Monthly) Only been driving a year, this was cheapest on comparison sites - it was £119 last year!!
Fuel - £40 (Weekly) Work commute equates to 250 miles per week.
Car Savings - £70-100 (Monthly) For MOT / repairs
Allowance - £60 (Weekly)
Partner - £50 (Monthly) Though I wish I could pay him back sooner!


DEBT - HSBC £12,816.44
Partner - £600
Tax Credits - £800


I've not put anything towards things like holidays, or Christmas, date nights, emergencies .. my partner literally pays for everything over and above us just living and that's not fair on him. A date night typically costs around £45 and we do like to go out at least once a month, so I know I can afford to do that now that I've changed my job. Maybe things aren't so bleak and I'm just erring on the side of misery ..


Happy to be knocked into shape ...

andyfromotley

Hi shar,

welcome to the forum, the size of your debt is irrelevant, its it is affecting you, then its a problem.

it would help if you filled this in, it is a more thorough budget which will give us the full picture.
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php


To give you an idea, if you have two kids and he's earning 52k per year (with no kids) he has to pay you around £62 per week. But use the calculator yourself, to get a more accurate figure.

Do not agree to a divorce without getting legal advice. beg borrow or steal to get your own legal advice.

Dont worrry about your debt too much, there is no situation that can't be resolved.

Shar3105

Thanks Andy - SOA


[tt]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned....................
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1572.23
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 136
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1708.23
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 480
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 0
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 35
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 0
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 180
Road tax................................ 12.77
Car Insurance........................... 61.84
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 100
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 255
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Allowance to include clothing, entertain 200
Total monthly expenses.................. 1324.61

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 600
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 600

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
HSBC Loan......................12816.....247.......15.9
HMRC (WTC Overpayment..........800.......50........0
Partner........................600.......50........0
Total unsecured debts..........14216.....347.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,708.23
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,324.61
Available for debt repayments........... 383.62
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 347
Amount left after debt repayments....... 36.62
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 600
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -14,216
Net Assets.............................. -13,616
[/tt]


The child benefit is in my name, but he is such a bully, he basically told me a few months back - when I asked for maintenance that as he has the children 50:50, he should have half the CB - I told him that he wouldn't even be entitled to it as he earns well above the threshold - he said he didn't care, that it was about "what was right and fair!", this is what I have to contend with. Since we split, he has had another child, but left that mother a single parent (he's paying her maintenance), and moved in with another woman and her two children. Bragging about holidays to Corfu etc etc, it's just not fair.


My SOA - £480 is my share of rent and all bills, I move that into our joint account and everything is paid for out of there, so I don't need to worry about it. I don't budget for haircuts, clothes, entertainment, I give myself an allowance and use that to buy things for the children and myself as necessary. I'm going to need to use that allowance, in the meantime, to get legal advice with regard to the divorce .. I also haven't included my partners income / expenses, because we work our finances separately.


Also to add - I have my main HSBC current account which I did work everything from - one of the conditions of getting that loan with HSBC was that I have no credit cards / overdraft. I have since opened another account with Lloyds, just a bog standard current account which I move my allowance and fuel money into, just to separate money out a bit. My partner suggested it might help.

summerholiday

Just my opinion. Let your new partner pay for date nights. Has he moved in with you or is this a joint rental?

Does him being in the house in reality drain your budget or enhance it? I ask this because were you on your own with your children you would probably cut back on expenditure even further. Plus cooking for an extra person costs more than you may realise, how cheap are the meals you cook? As does keeping up appearances, when you know you could cut back.

You indicate that you get no help, in your position I would get the children and the man in your life to pull their weight and do tasks. By doing this they, particularly the children, will feel part of the houshold and be happier because they know their contribution is appreciated, shared and lessens the drain you.

Also, I hope you are not so involved with the new man that you are not cultivating friendships outside for yourself and your children - after all you do not want to be in a similar situation to that with the your husband.

Shar3105

Here's the bit about the maintenance


I google searched "50% rule child maintenance"


"A widely resented Child Support Agency rule will be scrapped for clients of the new scheme. This required some parents to pay maintenance even though they share the care of their children on a 50-50 basis. In the future, no maintenance will need to be paid in cases like these where care is shared exactly equally. "


It's great isn't it, ex-hubby earns £75k, whilst I've been living on £16k. Whilst it's great that there is this rule, it doesn't take into account that the childrens standard of living is so very difference across both homes.

Shar3105

summerholiday wrote: »

Just my opinion. Let your new partner pay for date nights. Has he moved in with you or is this a joint rental?

Does him being in the house in reality drain your budget or enhance it? I ask this because were you on your own with your children you would probably cut back on expenditure even further. Plus cooking for an extra person costs more than you may realise, how cheap are the meals you cook? As does keeping up appearances, when you know you could cut back.

You indicate that you get no help, in your position I would get the children and the man in your life to pull their weight and do tasks. By doing this they, particularly the children, will feel part of the houshold and be happier because they know their contribution is appreciated, shared and lessens the drain you.

Also, I hope you are not so involved with the new man that you are not cultivating friendships outside for yourself and your children - after all you do not want to be in a similar situation to that with the your husband.

He does pay for date nights, and holidays, and weekends away and fuel to drive around to visit family etc. But that's not entirely fair really.


We live together and pay for the house together, I pay less into the house than he does because he recognises that I do the lions share of the household chores. The grocery shopping comes out of what we both put into the house, so it's not all on me - I meal plan to get the most out of the budget and the majority of our cooking is from scratch. My children do help - we have a chores chart and they're both very good at helping around the house. My eldest - age 8 - is starting to learn to cook.


My new partner is very different to my ex-hubby, when I lived with the ex, I never worked my hobbies - I love drawing, art, classical music, but he never encouraged me. My new partner is very similar to me and does lots to encourage me - he buys me fabric so that I can sew - bought me an overlocker for Christmas! He draws also, so we encourage eachother. We have a very fulfilling relationship - which is not based around finances. I was seeing a therapist to deal with some private issues and she asked to see my art - I showed her, she asked me to re-create one of my drawings for her therapy room and has said that it'll be payment for my sessions I've had with her - she's written off £150 worth of business, for a drawing! She also told me that I need to sell my art .. so I'm going to look into websites and see what I can do there ..

summerholiday

Your new relationship sounds like a heavenly one. And with your artistic talents delightful.

I go away on short trips fairly often and am surprised by how much I spend whilst travelling and looking smart, that is why I alluded to keeping up appearances.

I do not think you should feel guilty. He earns more than you and has the pleasure of a relationship with you and being part of your family which you are responsible for with or without him.

In the meanwhile, you need to get emotionally tough on yourself with the husband, and take a different stance to this controlling man, who thinks you are a walk-over and arm yourself with direction, stamina and endurance to see this divorce settlement through, taking the stance of it being a job, a task in hand, as if you were doing it for someone else.

In spite of him leaving his mark with further liaisons, his ego may be dented by the fact that you were able to break free, be independent, go it alone, be resourceful and in the process; more irksome for him, make a new, more fulfilling and happy life for yourself and children with a man who is generous.

All the things he lacks are showing up. Be thankful it is now and not in twenty years.

andyfromotley

Shar, you are right, the regulations have changed since my divorce!! I have edited my post!

Shar3105

Thanks - Summerholiday - I have taken a different stance with him and he knows it, it does annoy him - you're exactly right. He doesn't know whats happening in my life anymore, he has no control over me. He hates the situation we're in with regard to the children, he's told me even recently that he wishes things could have been different but I'm glad to be away to be honest. I felt stifled by him.


However, I still don't know whether I am entitled to anything from the divorce, what sort of payout should I aim for - enough to pay off my debt? More? Less? What should I be asking for? I see that even though I can't get child maintenance, there is a spousal maintenance which ex believes I'm not entitled to because I'm with someone else - spousal maintenance covers until I decide to remarry. Ex hates the idea of paying anything to me, but if I have to fight for that, so be it.


I am happier now, for definite. But, the debt I have is the dregs of that marriage and so I'm stuck with this lifestyle until my debt is paid, which is currently, in 5 years time. If I get something from the divorce - for example, if it'll pay the debt, then perfect, I then I just have the smaller debts to pay but it'd be quicker given that I wouldn't be paying out £250 per month on the HSBC loan. If I get less, then I'll pay the small debts and fix up / replace the car, saving myself £100 per month and keep the main debt going.


Andy - the regulations are rubbish. They don't help real people, do they? I'm not trying to stitch him up, or ruin his life. I know he can afford it .. he probably says he can't afford it because he's paying maintenance to this other child - he didn't pay a penny to the child he had before he met me! I should've seen the signs back then!!