Wife & Daughter taking holiday before SATS

tshrbhag

I have a daughter in year 6. Her SATS are in the second week of May and now my wife wants to go on a holiday !!! attend a wedding abroad for 2 weeks in April. My daughter will miss 10-11 working days of school during that period which I think is not right just before her SATS.

Me and my wife are going through a very rough period (since 3 years) and it seems like we will be splitting up very soon. My wife actually wants to attend the wedding herself, but she is using my daughter playing with her emotions saying she'll get to meet her cousins etc. As a responsible parent, I don't want this to happen. I've got a cynical wife. She has unpredictable behaviours and no one knows what's in her head.

I'm not happy with the situation. But what can I do about it?

Thanks
T

peachyprice

Leaving aside the fact that she won't be granted permission to take your daughter out of school for 11 days with the new rules and is likely to be fined if she does, you do realise that SAT's are mainly for the benefit of school league tables and not the child?

cte1111

All you can do really is to try to talk (calmly) to your wife about why you think it would be better for your daughter to stay in school. What does your daughter think? Really avoid using her as a pawn in an argument, but her wishes also should come into account.

My daughter is a similar age to yours. Secondary schools do use the Sats grades to put the children in ability sets, so they are relevant to this at least. The schools make a lot of fuss about Sats, your daughter might feel a bit left out if she is missing classes during this period.

I'd try and make this issue seperate from any decision about the future of your marriage.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

cte1111 wrote: »

All you can do really is to try to talk (calmly) to your wife about why you think it would be better for your daughter to stay in school. What does your daughter think? Really avoid using her as a pawn in an argument, but her wishes also should come into account.

My daughter is a similar age to yours. Secondary schools do use the Sats grades to put the children in ability sets, so they are relevant to this at least. The schools make a lot of fuss about Sats, your daughter might feel a bit left out if she is missing classes during this period.

I'd try and make this issue seperate from any decision about the future of your marriage.

It's very rare that schools use SATS for setting. It's far more likely that the new year 7s will spend the end of September completing assessments that determine any setting.

I'd be reluctant for a potentially estranged partner to take any child abroad to visit family, though.

Mojisola

peachyprice wrote: »

Leaving aside the fact that she won't be granted permission to take your daughter out of school for 11 days with the new rules and is likely to be fined if she does, you do realise that SAT's are mainly for the benefit of school league tables and not the child?

Both parents will be fined.

tshrbhag - can you lock away your daughter's passport? You can also go through a solicitor to stop the child from being taken abroad if you want to take things that far.

I would also talk to the school and explain that you are not happy that your child may be taken out of school.

peachyprice

cte1111 wrote: »

Secondary schools do use the Sats grades to put the children in ability sets, so they are relevant to this at least. .

Most secondary schools now use their own CAT test for setting that they do either before children start or in the first week or term, not SAT's. So no, not that relevant at all.

GwylimT

SATS have absolutely no relevence so missing the actual tests isn't a problem at all, missing school is however as it also teaches your daughter that holidays come before education. How is your wife planning to catch your daughter up on all of her missed work?

The way the government has set the holiday system up means both guardians in the household are fined.

FBaby

You need to take all the emotions and feelings about your wife out of the equation and focus solely on the affect on your child.

What are her grades, is she struggling or an achieving pupil? What's her attendance so far? Is it 100% or has she already missed quite a few days? Where would she be going? Will she be doing anything other than going to a wedding and sitting on the beach?

If there is a risk of you separating, you need to consider what consequences stopping your daughter from going will have on you ex but more importantly the relationship with your daughter? Would she be massively disappointed if she was told now she couldn't go? Could she hold it against you? When did you know about her intention to take your daughter and how long has she known? Because if you've both known for say a few weeks and only now are making a fuss over it, it is undersstandable that she will see it as decision to punish your ex and daughter rather than a matter of principle.

tshrbhag

FBaby wrote: »

You need to take all the emotions and feelings about your wife out of the equation and focus solely on the affect on your child.

What are her grades, is she struggling or an achieving pupil? What's her attendance so far? Is it 100% or has she already missed quite a few days? Where would she be going? Will she be doing anything other than going to a wedding and sitting on the beach?

If there is a risk of you separating, you need to consider what consequences stopping your daughter from going will have on you ex but more importantly the relationship with your daughter? Would she be massively disappointed if she was told now she couldn't go? Could she hold it against you? When did you know about her intention to take your daughter and how long has she known? Because if you've both known for say a few weeks and only now are making a fuss over it, it is undersstandable that she will see it as decision to punish your ex and daughter rather than a matter of principle.

I share a good relationship with my daughter. In fact, we were supposed to be going for a short break next week. All of a sudden, my wife started planning a trip of her own, abroad, mainly for the wedding of her cousin. My daughter is quite a happy child and she has known the trouble we have gone through in the last few years.

Her grades are excellent and she is learnt to accept the state of my marriage.

Alchemilla

I am sorry but as a parent of a now y7 student and a schoolteacher, SATs results can be and are used to inform setting. Is your primary definitely doing them?

The idea that they are only relevant to league tables is incorrect.

eta thanks to changes to school budgets, many schools can no longer AFFORD CATs tests.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Alchemilla wrote: »

I am sorry but as a parent of a now y7 student and a schoolteacher, SATs results can be and are used to inform setting. Is your primary definitely doing them?

The idea that they are only relevant to league tables is incorrect.

eta thanks to changes to school budgets, many schools can no longer AFFORD CATs tests.

Don't be sorry. Neither school my two went to use them, and nor does the school I work at. Judging by some of the investigations going on with a number of primaries in the area, none of the local secondaries are going to treat them with anything but suspicion.