Realising I am still here, still making mistakes, but this time I want to change

punto01

So the realisation hits that if I had gone down the iva route when i started dmp around 4-5 years ago I would be nearly done which has really hit me hard

I have toiled on with my dmp - payments started high but have reduced over time due to pay cuts and general dicking about unable to budget properly, I have direct debits bouncing all over the show, constantly running out of money, struggling to pay for things, impulse spending. (not on exciting things but like when I get paid I'll go mad in tesco wth?) Hoping my new bank account will sort this - have just opened a think moeny account which is a great idea and hoping this works.

So what now. I still live at home at 30 and much as I keep thinking about how I will eventually get some money saved up, start to chip away at the smaller debts then move out. But I am nowhere near this point as I am constantly struggling as above.

I have around £19k of debt left (down from 30) which is a lot paid off but over 4-5 years is pretty !!!!. Doing the maths to work out how long I have left on the dmp makes me want to jump off the nearest cliff.

Do I look at IVAS/bankruptcy then?
My dmp is with payplan do I ask them for advice or someoen else?

The main thing that put me off ivas is that it is a permanent thing - it stays with me forever. DMPs once paid off are eventually gone and in the past. At this rate I will still be paying my dmp for so long that who cares.

Something new has happened to me - I have met a guy I really like. It's still early days and he lives around an hour away so I get the train down there at weekends as it is cheaper than driving. But this has shaken me and made me think about the future and instead of spending on impulse crap like I always do as it cheers me up - now I want money to do stuff with him and he has a camper van so weekends away. Also angry at myself because I won't be able to get a mortgage and as he's a bit older than me he might be looking to do this and so where is the future with me?

I feel like such a moron. Why am I still in this mess? Why have I missed so many opportunities to sort myself out? Why did I go mad and spend all this money in the first place? Ok I know that one - I was depressed so just bought lots of random stuff as it cheered me up and gave me something to do.


What do I do now? Keep plodding on and see how the new bank account works? I should feel more in control? It could just be the emotions of realising that if I'd gone IVA I'd be nearly home free by now. Or look seriously at IVA?

We are going away in the camper van this weekend and I want to forget about all this and have a nice time as I feel ill with stress today. But I know it will be on my mind

Sigh.

:eek:

OnlyICanDoThis

Hi punto001,

Cant offer any advice on the IVA/DMP/Bankrupsy i'm afraid but I just wanted to say that I completely understand where you are coming from with literally everything else that you have written!

I am 31 and still live at home, I feel like my life is on hold until I am debt free and that will be a long long time which when I stop to think about it scares the c&ap out of me. All of my friends have mortgages and houses and I have debt that is almost as big as a mortgage. Thankfully most of my friends are yet to get married and have children but it is probably only a matter of time, one more thing to be left behind with! I honestly feel that until I am debt free I cannot move on and it is crippling. My boyfriend is slightly younger and happy to continue our living arrangements as they are for now and I have told him it could be a 'few years' but I think he thinks 'a few' is less than what it realistically will be

Chin up, think of what you have paid off so far rather than what is left and remember that every day is one day closer to your debt-free dream. You will get there.

Big hugs x

sourcrates

Hi,
IVA does not "stay with you" at all, after 6 years it's gone, as though it was never there, and there will be no reference to it at all, anywhere.
That's a common misconception.

It's true you would nearly be finished by now, had you gone down that route initially, a DMP will take a long time to complete, IVA. Would be 6 years max, so a definite end date.

I would look again at your choices, check out National Debtline for advice on IVA's, as it looks like you've been misinformed slightly.

punto01

Thanks for your replies guys - lots to think about

punto01

OnlyICanDoThis wrote: »

Hi punto001,

Cant offer any advice on the IVA/DMP/Bankrupsy i'm afraid but I just wanted to say that I completely understand where you are coming from with literally everything else that you have written!

I am 31 and still live at home, I feel like my life is on hold until I am debt free and that will be a long long time which when I stop to think about it scares the c&ap out of me. All of my friends have mortgages and houses and I have debt that is almost as big as a mortgage. Thankfully most of my friends are yet to get married and have children but it is probably only a matter of time, one more thing to be left behind with! I honestly feel that until I am debt free I cannot move on and it is crippling. My boyfriend is slightly younger and happy to continue our living arrangements as they are for now and I have told him it could be a 'few years' but I think he thinks 'a few' is less than what it realistically will be

Chin up, think of what you have paid off so far rather than what is left and remember that every day is one day closer to your debt-free dream. You will get there.

Big hugs x

Well done you are doing brilliantly! Nearly there! Sadly mine is double what you have but it has gone down from 30k so I can see the progress made

japmis

punto01 wrote: »

I have around £19k of debt left (down from 30) which is a lot paid off but over 4-5 years is pretty !!!!.

You've paid off on average £183 a month for 5 years which is amazing!
:beer:
I can't recommend YNAB highly enough, please take a look at the website youneedabudget.com

parsniphead

I struggle with organisation which led me to problems at the end of my DMP. I hope you find a way to make it work for you while still living a bit of life. If it means anything I met a man, got married and had a baby all on DMP. Its not easy but can be done.

Well done for dealing with your debts and paying off as much as you have.:T

dancingfairy

I don't know how many debts you have or how much you owe to each one or whether they are with the original creditors or debt collectors but after 4/5 years (and with a bit of time still to go) I'd be looking at making full and final offers.
You may be able to settle at around 30-50% so are there any that you feel you might be able to make settlements on? Perhaps you could set one as a target and have a clearout carboot/ebay session?
df

dancingfairy

Also if you are struggling I would go back to basics:
1) do a proper new budget, things will have changed, some for the better, some costs maybe for the worst. Be realistic.
2) Do a spending diary.
3) think how you can control your crazy spending impulses. Maybe you can give yourself a budget of £5 and see what you can buy from pound shops or charity shops, or maybe set yourself a certain amount a month to spend on fun stuff - whether that's visiting your boyfriend or just wasting. Another approach would be to work out your budget for your shopping trip and only take cash (or shop online and only buy from the list). It isn't easy but there are a few different things you can do to try and get back on track.
A dmp/iva/bankruptcy etc, none of it will work if you don't have a sensible budget (and sensible means one that's sustainable and realistic, it does not mean eating beans on toast or soup every night). Once you've got the budget a bit more under control and know how things stand then maybe take a fresh look at continuing the dmp/maing full and final settlements/bankruptcy etc.
You've actually paid off quite a chunk of debt already, which is great. You're just in the middle patch where you've lost your initial enthusiasm but the end is still a little way off but you can get back on track.
df