Advice for 1st timers moving in together

DD265

OH and I will be moving in together later this year (renting). We've spent up to a fortnight in each other's company before but that has been the longest period really.

We have been together almost 10 years so it's not a new relationship but I think this will still be a big change and take quite a bit of adjustment especially as I have never lived away from my parents' before.

In the conversations we've had, we're generally on the same page in terms of chores and house rules. Not quite so much on finances as I can be a bit frivolous although I earn more and try to keep track with budgets etc, whereas OH earns significantly less but doesn't spend that much beyond bills and doesn't actively monitor funds in his account.

I am sure we'll be fine, but any words of advice?

Lily-Rose_3

DD265 wrote: »

OH and I will be moving in together later this year (renting). We've spent up to a fortnight in each other's company before but that has been the longest period really.

We have been together almost 10 years so it's not a new relationship but I think this will still be a big change and take quite a bit of adjustment especially as I have never lived away from my parents' before.

In the conversations we've had, we're generally on the same page in terms of chores and house rules. Not quite so much on finances as I can be a bit frivolous although I earn more and try to keep track with budgets etc, whereas OH earns significantly less but doesn't spend that much beyond bills and doesn't actively monitor funds in his account.

I am sure we'll be fine, but any words of advice?

You have been together 10 years, and are only just moving in? How come? Are you both very young?

If you earn a lot more money than him, I can see this being an issue/problem, if you don't pool your monies together. I fear you're in for a slippery slope if you are going in with this 'his money, my money,' 'I earn more, therefore I will spend a lot more' attitude. If you are going to be a couple, and a unit, sharing everything is the best way forward.

You may have to rein in your spending from now on too, as you will find you have a LOT less surplus income now you are running your own place.

Not sure what else to say or advise really...

bagpussbear

As you earn different amounts, you need to work out a fair percentage of how much each of you should pay for each bill.

Housework can cause arguments, so have a conversation about how you want to split the housework and chores around the house!

warmhands.coldheart

When me and my OH first moved in I earned more than her. The first 6 months we flew by the seat of our pants and just paid stuff as required. After that having built up a bit of a "Bills and expenses" history we sat down, worked out all the household bills and expenses inc. food and cars/transport related expenses, but excluding mobiles and personal stuff like that. Then added an extra 10% for unforeseen items and got a figure.. say £1000.00 per month for example to keep the numbers simple. We set up a Joint bank account... worked out what % difference there were in our salaries. say I earned 20% more than her then Split the £1000.00 into 60%/40% (£600 / £400) and that's how much went into the Joint account for the house..... what we had left over then personally was ours to do with as required...

Worked well..

Now Married..... That's a totally different ball game !!!

74jax

Lily-Rose wrote: »

You have been together 10 years, and are only just moving in? How come? Are you both very young?

I moved in with (now) hubby after the same, I didn't want to live together before we were engaged. i don't think it's strange.

If you earn a lot more money than him, I can see this being an issue/problem, if you don't pool your monies together. I fear you're in for a slippery slope if you are going in with this 'his money, my money,' 'I earn more, therefore I will spend a lot more' attitude. If you are going to be a couple, and a unit, sharing everything is the best way forward.

My hubby earns WAY more than me, it's not an issue, he can spend more than me as he earns more than me. I don't believe everything is 'best' pooled. We have one account for bills which he pays more into than me but is joint, everything else is our own. We both have enough money, it doesn't bother me he spends more than me. Having seperate account sallows us to spoil each other without the other knowing etc, I've never had a situation where I've need a joint account with him. It's best to go with what works for you.

You may have to rein in your spending from now on too, as you will find you have a LOT less surplus income now you are running your own place.

Not sure what else to say or advise really...

I found moving in together REALLY hard, I hated giving up my independance. he moved in with me so I felt his items wer invading my space. i think it took us both six months to get used to living alongside someone.

Now, I can't even imagine what we both didn't like.

I'd say give it time, talk a LOT, and don't let little issues become big ones.

Hopefully you'll both be one of those couple who move in and everything is bliss, but don't be disheartened if it isn't. it just needs working at.

Errata

Plain sailing if both of you are willing to negotiate, compromise and communicate honestly. If not all hell may break loose.

cashewnut

Setting up a separate joint account is a good idea. Me and my OH each pay a sum into this per month to cover our rent, bills and food shopping

DD265

Thanks all. We are 27, been through university etc. I changed job last year resulting in a significant pay increase and I couldn't afford to leave home prior to that. OH would like to change job but hasn't found the right one yet, so we were holding off for that to happen (as we had originally intended to move out of our current area) until my dad said he was kicking me out this year :rotfl:

We have agreed to split all bills 50/50 initially and do have a joint account which is where we're saving money for the move and associated purchases. Both of us want to be on an equal footing and we each have our own individual outgoings, mine being substantially higher.

I think the hardest thing for me will be I am a list maker and planner and he is not. There is a balance to be found in there. I leave an hour earlier and get home a couple of hours later than he does (based on current jobs) so we'll need to make sure that we're both happy with how chores and cooking etc are divvied up. In my head I am making a list of all the things we'll need to discuss

TBagpuss

I agree that having a joint account for joint expenses and separate accounts for personal expenses is a good one - it means that you don't have friction over whether money is being spent on frivolous stuff, or differences between the spender and the saver. You could also have a joint savings account to use for things like holidays, s you don't end up in a situation where one of you can't afford to pay their share of joint holidays/treats

I think the other thing to keep in mind is that things will never work out exactly as planned, so it is always important to keep communicating, and to try to ensure that small irritations don't become big ones.

Jacko_amz

its all about compromise like someone else has said my and my partner moved in together a year ago we set up a joint account and both put across 650 and that pays for all household bills, rent, food for the month and any left over we either save or have a meal out or something.

as to chores as long as u both muck in it will go smoothly