Graveyard Headstone Memorial Costs

hungryheart

Help and advice needed with the cost of a churchyard memorials for my parents grave .

I have been looking locally at granite type headstones, and very taken aback by the cost of buying one ,the engraving, and erection.

Not much change out of £ 1000 for a decent engraved headstone as far as I can tell.

I have tried prices from two local ( Northumberland ) stone masons but their prices are very similar.

I lost both my parents in a space of year,which was stressful and traumatic enough. I am still shell shocked by the events.
However on top of I have had to deal with large legals bills due to no wills , nearly losing the house to pay for nursing home fees, big funeral expenses , and the over budgeted cost of renovating the family home that was left to me.

All of this has cleaned me out financially , and now I am trying to find money to give them a decent memorial at their last resting place together.

I feel depressed and embarrassed that I cannot find any more funds to get the headstone erected and close the last chapter of a nightmare time for me.

Does anyone have any tips or ideas about getting down the potentially large headstone bill ?
Saving money locally ?
Can you buy a headstone on the internet ?
have other people found themselves in a similar situation or have my circumstances compound the issue ?

Any help or advice welcomed.

SeniorSam

This is a question that I can't remember coming up before. However, I have just Googled memorial headstones and this link may help you.
http://www.selectmemorials.co.uk/

It was the first I looked at but there are plenty of others you can check out.

Sam

g6jns_2

hungryheart wrote: »

Help and advice needed with the cost of a churchyard memorials for my parents grave .

I have been looking locally at granite type headstones, and very taken aback by the cost of buying one ,the engraving, and erection.

Not much change out of £ 1000 for a decent engraved headstone as far as I can tell.

I have tried prices from two local ( Northumberland ) stone masons but their prices are very similar.

I lost both my parents in a space of year,which was stressful and traumatic enough. I am still shell shocked by the events.
However on top of I have had to deal with large legals bills due to no wills , nearly losing the house to pay for nursing home fees, big funeral expenses , and the over budgeted cost of renovating the family home that was left to me.

All of this has cleaned me out financially , and now I am trying to find money to give them a decent memorial at their last resting place together.

I feel depressed and embarrassed that I cannot find any more funds to get the headstone erected and close the last chapter of a nightmare time for me.

Does anyone have any tips or ideas about getting down the potentially large headstone bill ?
Saving money locally ?
Can you buy a headstone on the internet ?
have other people found themselves in a similar situation or have my circumstances compound the issue ?

Any help or advice welcomed.

Sometimes you need to think as they say "outside the box". How would your parents have preferred to see you? Would they prefer you to have enough to live on or struggling to afford a memorial to them? If you left getting a memorial for a couple of years until you can really afford it would it really matter? Whilst it might give you some comfort you really should give postponing it some consideration. Good luck whatever you choose.

Keep_pedalling

You have no reason to be embarresed, and there is no time limit in getting a memorial stone installed.

Do not get yourself in debt for this. Take your time after all a granite headstone will last for centuries and it is better to wait a year or two and get one you are happy with rather than rush into buying something you later regret.

Personally I would wait until you can afford the stone you want, using a local mason even gives you the choice of selecting the exact piece of stone to be used.

gettingtheresometime

My Uncle, when he died, had a simple wooden cross with a brass plaque. I don't know if, when the time comes, a granite headstone will be erected when my Aunty is buried with him but that's what's there at the moment.
Would you consider doing something similar until you can afford a granite headstone ?

Robin9

There will be rules and regulations for the cemetry - size, type of stone, wording - and the local stonemasons will be well aware.

There will also be cemetery fees.

PasturesNew

Let the memorial wait, it's not as if you're not ever going to get one.... but put it on the backburner for awhile. Think of it as "taking the time to get best prices and best wording and do it properly instead of in a haze of panic"

Better_Days

When my Dad died it seemed to me that the cost of gravestones, memorial plaques etc was high and had to be renewed every 10 years. I knew that trying to get my siblings to cough up for their share every 10 years would be nigh on impossible. So either I would have to pay the lot or there would be no permanent memorial.

So instead I paid for a memorial bench at one of the Woodland Trust's woods near to where Dad lived. Would you be happy with something similar? The memorial was sorted out about a year after the funeral, I didn't see any rush and it also gave time for the estate to be sorted out.

BobQ

g6jns wrote: »

Sometimes you need to think as they say "outside the box". How would your parents have preferred to see you? Would they prefer you to have enough to live on or struggling to afford a memorial to them? If you left getting a memorial for a couple of years until you can really afford it would it really matter? Whilst it might give you some comfort you really should give postponing it some consideration. Good luck whatever you choose.

OP, this is good advice. Did your parents ever say they wanted a headstone? Many people do but many do not.

If they left money in the expectation you would buy one, it would be right to do so. But if they did not earmark enough to pay for it, I doubt they would want you to get into debt so that you can afford one, or to spend what little savings you have on one.

Also, unless you know they wanted one, ask yourself why you want one? Not erecting a gravestone does not mean you loved them any less or will think of them any less. Many people erect a stone because they want one not because the deceased wanted it.

bongonaut

All the advice so far is good. If and when you do decide to have a headstone, or any other type of memorial on their grave, please use the service of a local stonemason. They will know the exact rules of local churchyards and cemeteries, and I would expect them to go through the proper procedures for obtaining permission. I've seen some cases recently of poor quality memorials being erected without permission, and this can cause very un-necessary distress.

£1000 for a granite headstone to include inscription & fees is a fair price.

bylromarha

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you've been through the wringer. Your parents would no doubt be proud of the way you're dealing with each situation as it arises. Keep going chuck.

For my mum's headstone, we used these people in 2013

http://www.jgmemorials.com/

Fantastic service from them, stone still looking good 2 years on and far cheaper than the local guys I looked into. Plus they liased with the local authorities/churchyard and diocese in regard the acceptable wording for the stone and amended the mock up as many times as we needed/wanted.

However, I would echo too that there is no rush to get the stone up. But I can understand the desire to just get it done too - I wanted to get Mum's stone sorted as I needed to be able to move on from the "sorting her death" time and the stone was one of the final things to do for mum.

I also echo that there are other options too like wooden crosses to consider.

Silly question, but are your parents interned (put in the ground) yet? As there are fees for the plot where you put them to consider as well as the headstone.

If they aren't interned, have you thought about scattering their ashes somewhere they loved to be? No memorial stone needed, plus you can relive the happy memories you have of the place they loved being should you feel the need to go "visit".

Only you know your parents best as to what their wishes would have been. I know my mum would have gone loopy if I didn't give her what she considered a "proper" resting place. Your parents may be traditionalists like mine, so wait a few years if needed for the money to catch up with their wishes. If they were a little more relaxed about these things, then there are other options to consider than a headstone.

All the best.