marriage broken down - what to do now !!

cricks

We have 3 kids, I only work pt and hubby earns 25k+
The house is in joint names, but he is offering to buy me out !

He is also offering to have the kids 3 days a week, which I think is to cut down on CSA payments !

Should I take him up on this, or by letting him buy me out would it mean that as I have 60k+ I cannot claim benefits, rent etc. -

Im not good with things like this and even curent solicitor dosen seem that good - Going to get a new one soon

Thanks

Katie~baby

If he is offering to buy you out i would take him up on the offer. Could you not go full time at work and buy a place yourself? £60k is a heck of a deposit. As for the 3 days a week with the kids, as long as its what the kids want i'd go for that as well. Its hard for children to go from seeing daddy everyday to seeing him just at weekends so if he is offering 3 days a week it might not seem as tough for them.

You could go to your local council and tell them that you need to move out but as the house is in joint names i think they will state that you have as much right to be there as he does.

cricks

Thanks,
The only problem is the kids are 2 1/2, 5 and 8 and the childcare in our area is non existant.

I think a trip to CAB and building Society will be on the cards next.

Penny-Pincher!!

Yes, you would have too much money to claim benefits if you had 60k+.

You are allowed 6k in savings without effecting any benefit entitlements. Anything between 6k-16k will be knocked of by £1 for every £250 you have over this amount. If you have over 16k, you are not entitled.

HTH

PP
xx

enemes

Another thing to consider is that by having sixty grand in your bank you will not be eligible for Legal Aid. Obviously I don't know the circumstances, but even couples who split on good terms sometimes end up getting ugly in court.

It may be in your interest to hold back on the pay off, make yourself homeless to the Local Authority, let your property accrue more value and take your half later.

From my own experience it is better being 'penniless' and take the benefits, and when you have sorted yourself out take the pay off. Best to go to Benefits Agency and get them to do a benefit assesment and see what you would be entitled to.

as ever there is a lose-lose situation, just be prepared for some losses, but the main thing is keeping the kids going through it. Although you may lose out from the CSA if they go to the NRP for three days, it may be better financially as you could continue to work, get paid and collect tax credits. However, its whats in the children's best interest that should be the final consideration.

conradmum

It seems to me you would be the worst off of the pair of you if you go down the route he's suggesting. Yes, you'd have 60 thousand, but you'd be homeless. How many properties are there in your area that go for that little? Very few, I'm guessing. So you'd have to get a mortgage. How much do you earn? You can get roughly 3 times that. Could you afford to buy a property on those sums? If you can't, you'll be renting, which is dead money, while he'll be sitting in a house that's accruing value. And you won't get any benefits because you've got 60 grand in the bank.
When he says he'll have the kids three days a week, which days are these? If he works full time, I assume he won't be doing the school run, and he'll have them Friday to Sunday. Which means you don't get to see the kids at the weekend, you can't get a full time job because you have to do the school run, and you'll get very little in the way of child support as he'll have the kids nearly 50% of the time.
I really can't see how you benefit at all in this scenario.

belfastgirl23

Just to take it from a different POV (probably not exactly MS) but your kids will need stability at this time. I would have thought that unless there were pressing reasons for you leaving the family home, you and the kids should be staying there in the interim. Mum and dad splitting up is bad but losing your home, routine, possibly even school makes it all worse. Speaking from experience of having been a kid in exactly the scenario you're proposing (parents split up aged 8 and dad stayed in family home cos it went with his job), going back to the former family home stripped of most of its possessions, seeing all your old friends when you're not still properly a part of their lives etc is really hard. It means that you can't properly leave the old life behind in order to move on with the new. Or at least that was my experience.

Good luck with it all, sorry if I'm coming from an unhelpful perspective but just wanted to share the experience in case it might be some use.

Kimitatsu

cricks wrote: »

We have 3 kids, I only work pt and hubby earns 25k+
The house is in joint names, but he is offering to buy me out !

He is also offering to have the kids 3 days a week, which I think is to cut down on CSA payments !

Should I take him up on this, or by letting him buy me out would it mean that as I have 60k+ I cannot claim benefits, rent etc. -

Im not good with things like this and even curent solicitor dosen seem that good - Going to get a new one soon

Thanks

What percentage of the house does that represent? Whilst it may seem hard at the moment you children are very small and you need to take some sound legal advice.

I am with the other posters on this board, I dont see how this arrangement would benefit you in the long run! At the moment dependant on the length of the marriage your house is in joint names so you both have the right to reside there and it is the childrens residency.

You may well be entitled to more than 50% of the equity and because of the age of the children your husband may be awarded a mesher order for a percentage of the property, allowing you to reside there with the children until your youngest is 17 or leaves full time education. Another 15 years of house prices growing even slowly is more than 60k today.

You may also be entitled to part of his pension as you have been working p/t in order to bring up your family.You havent mentioned child support yet, but he has to pay maintenance for the children, even if he has them 3 days a week, and it depends on how the children feel about it. He might want them for 3 days but they may not want to go, and which 3 days is it? Every weekend is not a lot of good to you.

If I were you I would make no decisions just yet, get the offer in writing if you can so you always have it to fall back on if necessary and go and see your local CAB and a solicitor. Put yourself and your kids first on this one, in my experience there is rarely a truly amicable divorce where kids and property are concerned.

Hugs

poe.tuesday

If he can afford to buy you out then he should be able to carry on making the morgage payments as they stand and rent/buy a place himself, it's not about fleecing him it's about ensuring that your and your children are looked after, he has a duty of care to do this for many years to come.

Don't move out and don't take him up on the offer until you are 100% sure it's the right thing to do, 60k may seem like a very tempting offer but it's nothing in the grand scale of things

It's all too much too soon and he seems to have worked out what may seem like a very good deal but like other posters have said, I think that this will be be for his benifit rather than yours, the most important thing in this are the children, don't loose sight of that and make sure he doesn't too

good luck

TheWaltons_3

I am sure the Court would rule in favour of you staying in the House with the children, and him paying the mortgage seeing as he earns the most.

Why should you move and unsettle the children?

cricks

thank you everyone, having thoughts from other people is a great help.
After a 10 year marriage and 3 kids its all a lot to take in.